


A Place To Belong

by crazlildreamer



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Adult Content, Consensual Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, but not too explicit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-07-23 11:06:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 79,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16157756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazlildreamer/pseuds/crazlildreamer
Summary: She just wanted to improve her fighting skills so she could get out of messy situations during her search for a place to belong. She didn't realize she was already in the biggest mess one could have and that the place where she belonged was in the arms of the most infuriating man she had ever met!Warning: I deviate a bit from the game's scenario at times, but do not worry, fate has it covered! This also means that there will be some spoilers for those who haven't finished the Companion's quest.Disclaimer: I do not own Elder Scrolls or anything related to it.





	1. First Impression

The sky was clear, with the sun shining brightly over the plains that seemed to extend for miles, making it easy to spot the city surrounded by strong looking stone walls. It looked so white, almost sparkling as it bathed in the sunlight on top of the hill. Birds singing could be heard in the gentle breeze and as the butterflies fluttered over the flowers on the side of the road, one could not help but think "what a beautiful and peaceful day"... yeah right. Others might have had time to stop and relish in the beauty of it all, Evelianna, in fact, would certainly have been tempted too, under normal circumstances... but right now she was far from "normal circumstances". She didn't quite understand exactly what type of circumstances she was in, but she at least knew it was nowhere near normal. First she wakes up in a carriage, wrists bound tightly and surrounded by strangers in the same predicament, no memories whatsoever of her past, let alone what happened for her to be in this situation... whatever that situation was. Then she learns she is to be executed even though her name, the only thing she does remember, isn't on their "list"! Just because she found herself in the same perimeter as stormcloaks who were fated to the block, she had to share the same fate too! What fine justice... After that, all hell breaks loose as a dragon attacks. She had somewhat been thankful for the well timed attack that spared her from loosing her head, that is, for the few seconds she was able to run for cover before the deadly flames turn in her direction. The following hours had been hectic to say the least as everyone was trying to save their lives in the panic brought by the sudden appearance of a creature known only as bedtime stories, a simple legend at best. Even now, the small woman was amazed she actually succeeded in escaping death so many times in such a short time. The execution block, the dragon, the stormcloaks that attacked her since she had decided to follow the imperial guard... Hey, she had been sentenced to death just from standing near them! There was no way in hell she'd follow them if she had a choice! In the end, they were able to get out and reach the guard's hometown in one piece. As they entered the house of their host, she finally felt herself able to relax a little since she had woken up. Even more when Hadvar, the imperial guard with whom she escaped, promised to vouch for her, should she ever be chased because of her presence in Helgen, which he believed to be a mistake to start with.

They tried to get some rest for the night and surprisingly she was able to get a reasonable amount of sleep. Must have been the exhaustion. Morning came and next thing she knew, she was back on the road, alone this time. How could she refuse the favor asked of her when everyone had been so kind in their hospitality to a complete stranger? So here she was, brooding over everything that had happened to her and trying not to get dizzy from the storm of questions that swirled in her mind as she traveled, clad in the oversized leather armor she had found in the undergrounds of Helgen, along with the short sword she had used to protect herself and back her new friend against the stormcloaks. It was not much, but it was better than just her ragged clothes and her bare fists to protect herself on her way to Whiterun. The favor asked wasn't hard, she had to go to the city, all the way up to Dragonsreach and ask the Jarl Balgruf to send more men to protect Riverwood against the dragon that was seen heading that way.

Thankfully, she had no encounter with wild predators or bandits on the way. Maybe they were all hiding from a greater threat, like a giant, flying, fire-spitting lizard for example... At least the sky seemed cleared for now and she wasn't going to wait for it to show up and finish what it started in Helgen! Pushing back all her thoughts and questions, she quickened her pace, wanting to get to the protection of those stone walls as soon as possible. It's not that she was a coward, she was just not foolish enough to think she'd stand a chance in the middle of almost flat plains with a worn out armor and an old sword if the dragon was to appear. She would be as good as a target practice in these conditions. There was a difference between bravery and foolishness and she wasn't so inclined on the latter. She did prove her courage in Helgen by taking up a sword to defend her friend even though she didn't even know if she had any experience in battle at all. Whether she indeed had experience or natural skills, it appeared she did have some abilities in fighting... unless it was simply sheer luck. Another mystery to add to the list. In any case, she had come to the resolution to improve her fighting skills if she wanted to survive on these lands until she finds a place where she belongs. She might not remember who she was before, but she knew to some level that she wasn't the type to do nothing. She just couldn't picture herself simply sitting back and waiting for something to happen. So the young woman was determined to find a place, a guild of some sort, that could help her learn to defend herself. Once she would be finished with the task at hand of course. Hopefully there would be a place in Whiterun that took in wannabe warriors other than the Imperials. She wanted to learn how to fight, not enroll in a war she knew nothing about.

The meeting with the Jarl went better then she expected as she was able to approach him as soon as it was known that she had been in Helgen. The Jarl had accepted to send more guards to Riverwood right away and she even got a tip about some warriors guild called the Companions to whom she should go if she was interested in becoming a skilled warrior. Well, looks like luck was on her side for now! Eager to meet these Companions, she skipped toward their headquarters called Jorrvaskr and when she reached it she opened the door without a second thought.

The sight before her wasn't what she expected. Well, she didn't really know what she was supposed to expect in the first place but it certainly wasn't an incoming tankard in line with her face moments after she came in. She dodge just in time and it crashed in the wooden door that had just closed behind her. Looking over the source of the uncommon projectile, she saw two people trying to punch the light out of one another. They were being cheered on by some who were watching the fight, while other chose to just ignore the whole thing. No one made any attempt to separate the two whatsoever.

"Good dodge there" She turned her head toward the unexpected voice and saw an imposing guy with dark hair approaching her with a smile. She blinked a bit, quickly getting over her surprise of the whole thing.

"ah... Thanks, I guess? Hum... is it always like that?" She pointed toward the fight still going on and the man laughed heartily.

"Not always but enough to get used to it quickly. I'm Farkas by the way, and you are?"

"Evelianna" She offered a small smile and he grinned back. Something about him was warm and gave an easy-to-approach kind of feeling after the first impression of big muscled brute you'd get looking at him from a far.

"So, Evelianna, what brings you to Jorrvaskr and it's flying tankards?" There was amusement sparkling in his eyes and twitching up a corner of his lips into a smirk and she must have had the same amusement in her eyes.

"I would like to join the Companions." She said without hesitation. It seemed to please him because he nodded approvingly and his smile grew wider.

"Then you should go speak to Kodlak, he is our Harbinger. He's the one to decides who enters the Companions. You'll find him down the stairs, his room is at the far end" He replied, nodding his head toward the stairs and she thanked him before going to them.

Once downstairs she made her way to the back while looking around. Seems she was the curious type. It was obviously the sleeping quarters and as she went further ahead the next rooms she passed actually had doors. Surely the bedrooms for the higher rank warriors. Now at the end of the corridor she was met with three doors, one in the center, one on the right and one on the left. The one in the center was the most logical guess and she approached it. Behind the closed doors could be heard two men conversing and she stopped as the seriousness in their voice made her hesitate to knock. She didn't want to interrupt a serious discussion, but she didn't want to intrude or look like she was eavesdropping. Before she could make up her mind, the exchange stopped abruptly and she took this chance to knock. She heard one of the voice telling her to enter and she opened the door.

"A stranger comes to our hall" Said the older one as he gazed upon her approaching form. She could see in his eyes the wiseness that came with age and experience. Eyes that seemed gentle yet held a sharp edge behind that gentleness, making her think one should beware not to underestimate him. It must have been the Harbinger so she only glanced over the younger one as to not look like she didn't acknowledge his presence. That would have been impolite in her opinion. In that short glance she noticed that he had dark hair and a somewhat familiar face but she couldn't put her finger on it. But she wasn't there for him and she didn't want to waste time looking at him a second time when she was supposed to speak to the older one. However she did have the time to notice his judging gaze and she realized she was still in an oversized chest armor with her ragged clothes and boots underneath and an old sword at her belt. Besides her getup, since she had been on the road for most of the day since early morning, her otherwise fair complexion wasn't so fair at the moment. On top of that she had a small stature compared to the standard nordic woman, yet she wasn't frail even if her muscles weren't that apparent, after all she had experienced their strength back at Helgen. At least her ebony hair weren't disheveled as she had braided it that morning. Plus she had been able to take a bath the night before, so she wasn't smelling like a peasant. Still, in overall she was far from being at her best. _"Way to make a good first impression Evy!"_ She thought, but she didn't lower her head under their gazes, instead she straightened her back and met the eyes of the older one with determination.

"My name is Evelianna. I would like to join the Companions" For a moment she thought she saw the ghost of a smile grace his lips before he spoke.

"Would you now? Here, let me take a look at you." He observed her from head to toe and back up again with a pensive expression. "Hmm... yes, perhaps. A certain strength of spirit."

"Master! You're not truly considering accepting her!" Interjected the other. Evy could almost feel his frown without even looking at him.

"I am nobody's master, Vilkas. And last I checked, we had some empty beds in Jorrvaskr for those with a fire in there hearts."

"Apologies. But perhaps this isn't the time. I've never even heard of her." Replied the man named Vilkas and although his words were respectful toward the Harbinger, their content slightly ticked off the young woman. What? They only took in famous know it all? Still, a part in the back of her mind was relieved to hear he never heard of her, as it comforted her in the possibility that she was not a wanted criminal in her past. Nor was she some hero or renown person, but at least it seemed she wasn't an outlaw.

"Sometimes the famous come to us. Sometimes men and women come to us to seek their fame. It makes no difference." This made her feel a bit relieved, even if she didn't show it. But her relief was short lived as the dark head opened his mouth again... and her dislike for the man just grew.

"For all we know, she could just be some good for nothing leech that only _seeks_ to live off our hospitality! Look at her, she doesn't even have a proper armor! She's hardly material for good warrior." He snarled and her glare met ice-blue eyes belonging to the irritating man beside her. How dare he talked of her like that! Still, she tried to push back the anger rising up in her as she still had enough reasoning to know yelling at the conceited brute wouldn't help her get accepted. She gritted her teeth and crossed her arms, her tone still holding some bite from her anger while her voice was sipping with sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to be some rich already-topnotch warrior to be accepted! I thought the dummies I spotted outside were for training and improving one's skills, or are they just mere decorations?" She turned to the Harbinger and was satisfied to hear a growl from beside her as she continued, with a calmer but still determined tone, since the elder didn't try to insult her unlike the other. "I am no leech. True, what I am wearing are the only belongings I possess. I have no gold and no well-fitted shiny armor. This is the only one I have and I got it from a dead man's body, so is my sword. But as far as I'm concerned, he didn't need them anymore while I did. I actually had intended to find some smith who would agree to exchange this armor for one of my size, but when I learned of the Companions, I was so eager to come here that I forgot what I was wearing." She ignored the "hmph" beside her but the brute didn't feel like being ignored as he spoke again.

"How can you expect to be trusted in a battle when you can forget the simplest thing as soon as your "eagerness" takes over?"

"These are two different things!" She snapped back, so fiercely compared to her previous reactions over more insulting looking comments he had made that he looked taken aback for a second there. He couldn't be blamed this time since he didn't know of her memory loss, much less how deep she was affected by it, though it didn't keep her from blaming him anyway.

"Now, now" The elder said and she looked back at him, hoping she didn't just blow her chances to be accepted. "Do not worry child, one's armor doesn't matter. What matter is their heart"

"And their arms" added the brute and Evy gritted her teeth but ignored him as best she could.

"Of course. How are you in battle, girl?"

"I have still much to learn, sir." And then came the infuriating snarl.

"Of course. Any way you look at it, those tiny arms can't possibly wield a weapon properly enough to protect you from the weakest bandit that would cross your path" And then she couldn't resist turning his way once again to reply to this irritating man.

"You cannot judge my worth by my looks only. Like I said, I am aware there is still much I have to learn. I don't know what amount of skills you seek in newcomers, but I do know that I wouldn't be alive right now if I didn't have at least some skills!" Somehow, she had been able to reply more calmly than the anger still flaring in her wanted to. What had she done to be so disliked by a man she just met was beyond her, but right now she disliked him just as much. Nevertheless, she would not let him have his way. She would join the Companions and improve her skills until she becomes strong enough to beat the hell out of him and shut him up for good! He opened his mouth but was cut off by the Harbinger.

"Well, you already proved to have quite a fire in your heart. Now, Vilkas, how about you go test our new recruit on the sharpness of her skills, since you have already begun testing the sharpness of her tongue." The old man smiled, amusement sparkling in his eyes and the brute gritted his teeth.

"As you wish Harbinger. You. Come with me" He stood up, making her take a quick step back to get out of his way, in case he was tempted to push her out of his way, as he went to the door. He didn't even look back to see if she was indeed following him. As much as she didn't want to, she still followed him to the backyard.

"Here" And without more notice he shoved a sword and a shield unto her, not waiting to make sure she had it in hand before letting go. He went back to the weapon stand and took a shield and a sword too before going in front of her. "now come to me with all you've got" Oh how he didn't need to say it twice! She launched a first swing of her sword and blocked it easily with his shield, pushing her back with it and making her stumble a bit but she was able to regain her balance and came back, using her anger to fuel her attack but staying cautious not to let it blind her. After a few swing on her part, he begin to attack her as well. Even though her armor obstructed some of her movements, she was still able to stand her ground for some time. She was so focused on him she didn't even realize the increasing numbers of spectators around the training ground. At some point, her foot stepped on a rock and made her unstable just for a few seconds. He took that chance to push her back with his shield before she could regain her footing and her back fell hard on the ground, her shield and sword slipping out of her grasp from the impact. Instinct taking over, she rolled on the side and away from him, catching her sword while standing up in a swift movement, not willing to give him satisfaction. Unfortunately, her strengths were beginning to decrease little by little and he finally pushed her back to the ground, pointing his sword to her throat.

"Well... you might actually have more skills than I thought. But you sure have a hell of a lot more to learn, indeed. Now..." He lowered his blade and let her stand up from the ground on her own before handing her his two-handed sword "bring my sword to Eorlund up at the skyforge and try not to let it slip from your hand. It's worth more than you, whelp" And with that he turned and walked toward the doors while she glared at his back and groaned. What the hell _whelp_? She almost wanted to toss his sword aside, but decided against it and just stomped away toward the stairs that lead toward sounds of hammer hitting against metal. Unnoticed to her as she climbed the stairs, a pair of ice blue eyes was observing her for a minute before looking back to the doors leading to the mead hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a long time since I wrote a fanfic and it is my first time writing fighting scenes, so I hope you liked this first chapter. English isn't my first language so there might be mistakes and weird sentence forms (Sometimes I make weird sentences in my first language to begin with, so I don't hope for miracles here XD), feel free to help me improve my writing with constructive comments!


	2. To Strangle Or Not Strangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas POV

When he had first laid his eyes upon her, there in an armor twice her size that made her look even smaller than she already was, almost like a child wearing her father's armor, he knew she would be trouble. How? He did not know, but as her emerald eyes briefly glanced at him, his instant dislike of her just grew more. She had a strong gaze, no shyness, no hesitation, a gaze more suited for a 6 foot tall nordic, than a 5 and a half or so foot tall frail looking girl. And with just that mere gaze, she had his wolf stir inside! Plus, she was certainly not trustworthy to have the back of any of his shield-siblings, he doubted these tiny arms could even hold up the sword at her belt. On top of that he felt as if she was shrouded in mystery, not ever reacting the way one would expect her to. Speaking calmly when he knew she was boiling in anger. Snapping, almost yelling at him at the most unexpected time, as opposed to how she was able to compose herself on harsher comment... What the hell was that? No, not trustworthy at all. And worst of all, Kodlak seemed to find their childish arguing way too amusing to his liking... And he actually approved of this weakling joining the Companions! What was he thinking? Sure, she was quite a feisty little woman, no way a teenage girl could talk back like that, which proved she had some fire in her heart... but she was no warrior! Despite that, if Kodlak said she was welcome, then she was... That is, if she didn't prove to be a weakling unworthy of them when he would test her.

Well, he would never underestimate someone with a small stature in the future. She wasn't overly skilled, but she had more strength than met the eyes and she had good instincts, her reflexes quick. She also had good basics in her stance and footage, which is not given to normal beginner. Ria, their last newcomer, had had a hard time with those in the beginning, always ending up on her but whit a slight push of a shield. Nevertheless the new whelp's movements were a bit awkward, in a beginner kind of way, even if her armor didn't help. All in all, she was better than he had thought but still needed more training before being allowed to take on missions without failure or worst without risking to die. He may not want her around, but not to the point of wishing for her death.

In the end, he had no other choice but to acknowledge she had some worth... So much for trying to prove her place wasn't with the Companions... In any case, even if she did join, that didn't mean he had to go near her. The fact that she had been able to irritate him to the point of getting his wolf to stir and scratch in an attempt to get out was proof enough that he needed to stay away from her for his own sanity. Fortunately, she seemed to dislike him as much as he disliked her, so keeping her at a distance would be even easier.

When she returned from the skyforge, she was wearing a new leather armor fitted for her size. Eorlund must have taken pity of her. Should have done it before she came to them, he might not have underestimated her so much. He could see now that she wasn't as frail as she first appeared. Her body was not muscular, but it wasn't frail as if he could break her arm just by grabbing it too tightly. He could also notice now that she had too much of nice curves to be that of a teenage girl. That didn't mean he found her pretty or anything of the sort! He was just stating the fact she actually was a woman. Small and still young, but a woman anyhow.

He watched her from the corner of his eyes as she had handed Aela's shield to the huntress and then they discussed briefly with Skjor. The latter ended up calling out his brother and Farkas went over to them. Vilkas watched the whelp go down the stairs with his twin, most probably to be shown where she would sleep. He could hear his brother talk to her as they went downstairs "I see you got yourself a new armor, well that's better!". She replied with a "Thanks, it sure is!" laughing softly with him, and the doors to the sleeping quarters closed behind them. Farkas came back a couple of minutes later without the girl and he wondered if she had simply gone to bed exhausted. She did look like she ran low on energy when he finished the test. " _Tch, weak_ ". Unfortunately, a few moments later, he picked up her scent as she came back to the mead hall. Her scent was kind of like spring and sunshine, but now soap replaced the stench of sweat and earth she first had. So, she had taken a bath. Looking up from his plate, he saw that her hair was still wet and noticed that her skin was in fact quite fair now that it was clean. The whelp sat at the table to eat and seeing how she was eager to fill her plate, she must have been starving. Well, recalling her getup when they met, he wouldn't be surprise if she hadn't eaten since morning... Or maybe it was just the test he had given her that wore her out to the point of starvation... Arf forget it! He was supposed to ignore the girl to begin with, why did he bother with her so much? After all they would keep a distance from each other... Or so he thought, but next morning he found her right in front of him, almost looking shy... Almost. He had raised an eyebrow when she had stopped in front of him and there was no shyness in her as he could just see the rebellion she was trying to swallow down in response to this simple gesture.

"What?" He inquired in curt tone, as she was still not saying anything. He found it was quite entertaining to mess with her, sensing her jaw harden.

"I wanted to apologize about my behavior yesterday. I shouldn't have lost my temper..." He could almost hear her growl when his eyebrow raised up a notch.

"Oh? Sucking up now are you?"

"I am not sucking up! I am just-" He cut her off while crossing his arms.

"Trying to say a convincing "sorry" although your eyes clearly say you don't want to? Don't take me for a fool whelp." She actually glared at him! Well she was quite a bad actress if it took so little to loose her contrite facade, which was kind of weak to begin with anyway.

"And how am I supposed to be eager in apologizing when you act like such a-" She stopped herself, gritting her teeth, and took a deep breath to calm her anger before sighing. "Look, I just thought that we had started on bad terms. I reacted too impulsively to your judgemental comments instead of just ignoring them. You did, in the end, acknowledge you had misjudged me... so I thought we could try to start over, on better term if possible. Is that too much to ask?" It was her turn to cross her arms and he wasn't sure where she saw an apology in that.

"I may have said you had some skills, but I don't recall approving of you. I am still unconvinced you are worthy of joining the Companions. As far as I'm concern, you could still turn out to be just some leech. The only reasons I put up with your presence here is because Kodlak accepted you." He could sense her anger rising again, but more than anger, he saw determination in her eyes and every fibers of her tensed muscles.

"Then I will just prove to you that I am worthy of joining and never let you even think of calling me a leech again." She hadn't yelled, even though he was sure she was tempted to. Her voice was laced with the same strength of determination he saw in her eyes and he found himself smirking.

"Then you should get to it and train yourself to exhaustion, little girl. Words means nothing, only actions can bring proof"

"Says the man who judges by appearances before actions" she snarled but then a smirk curled the corner of her lips and his wolf stirred more "get prepared to be proven wrong _again_ " and with that she turned away, heading to the training ground. Oh how he wanted to wipe that smirk of her lips... Strangling her was tempting too... But he refrained to go after her and instead turned back to his meal.

Despite his growing dislike for her, and his occasional urges to shove her against a wall and strangle her... he found himself gazing at the new comer more often than he would admit. She was just so... intriguing. No. He was NOT seeing her as intriguing. Mysterious. Yes, that must be it. He just wanted to make sure she wouldn't bring problems to the Companions. And he did say he'd see if she was of any worth... That meant watching her. It had been a couple of days since she had approached him to "apologize" and despite seeming opened and straightforward when she interacted with others, she never really talked about herself. Sometimes, when she was alone, she would just stare blankly into space, frowning over gods know what and then, if no one interrupted her thoughts before, she would eventually end up sighing, sometime also shaking her head, as if chasing away what weighted on her mind. Yes, quite mysterious indeed. There was still some things he was able to learn about the woman by observing her. She was strong willed, it had been clear the moment she had stepped in Kodlak's room. She was a quick thinker, managing to reply with witty comebacks efficiently when needed, even got to shut Njada up a few times. She was also a surprisingly fast learner, improving rapidly on different types of skills. Besides one-handed weapons and shield wielding, she also took archery and hand-to-hand combat lessons from Aela. Pray the gods she wouldn't take interest in two-handed weapons next or he would have to train her! Other than that and irrelevant things like her dislike for grilled leeks, he had noticed that she was unexpectedly bothered by memory related subjects, she would be even more unsettled whenever came a comment about her forgetting something or such, even as a joke. Beside that time on their first meeting, it had occurred three times so far, each time she was able to hide it quite well, but even if it didn't show on her face or in her demeanor, he could hear her heartbeat quicken slightly without logical reasons other than that. Why was she so bothered by it? He didn't think the answer to that question would come from a conversation started by one of Athis' stupid comment.

That night the mead hall was lively as always. He was eating with his brother at one of the long tables when, for some unknown reason, Farkas decided to wave over to the whelp that had just entered the hall, inviting her to come eat with them. Damn his brother's over friendliness... He felt her gaze upon him for less than a moment before it turned elsewhere, but he wasn't going to take his eyes of his plate this time, he had already seen of her long enough for the day. He could smell her scent approaching them, spring, sunshine and sweat from her training. Next thing he knew she was taking the seat between Farkas and Athis. At least they weren't next to each other so he had a chance to avoid talking with her or succumb to his urge to strangle her depending on what she would say to get on his nerve. It seemed it was her first time meeting the dunmer since Farkas made the presentations and, true to himself, the elf snorted disdainfully.

"What the... I go on a mission just for a few days and when I come back, I find they now let little childs in! They really do accept anyone these days."

"Oooh do not worry about being beaten up by little children yet, only worry about me beating the crap out of you if you compare me to a child again" She said with the sweetest smile that contrasted with the sharpness of her tongue. But Athis wasn't going to shut up with just that, on the contrary, it seemed to amuse him.

"Well look at that, you had me fooled! Then, how old is the little lass with the big mouth?" Vilkas turned his head toward her to see how she would reply, sure to be as witty as he knew she could to be. And she did look like she was going to retort with a nice comeback but suddenly he sensed her become unsettled, so did his wolf when he felt her mood change. Why? There was nothing memory related... Others around had begun to take interest in their exchange and she didn't recover fast enough before someone stepped in the conversation.

"I was also wondering how old you were" Said Ria, not far from them, and the whelp looked at her, her uneasiness beginning to show.

"Well... I'm not sure, around twenty or so, I guess..." The surprised silence following her answer made her even more uneasy and Vilkas found out she could actually look shy on some occasion. But that was short lived as Athis snorted again.

"What. You don't know your own birthdate or something?" It didn't even look like she had been shy a moment ago as she snapped back at Athis.

"And what if I don't remember? Got a problem with that, you conceited boar?" The mead hall had now gone completely silent after her outburst but she didn't seem to notice at all. He could feel the anger raging inside her and something told him the amount of anger that the dunmer saw blazing in her eyes was as unexpected as her answer was. That actually managed to shut him up... for a few seconds.

"Conceited boar?" He repeated, almost sounding dumbfound by the unusual name calling. Even in her current anger, Vilkas could just feel her rising an haughty eyebrow as she crossed her arms.

"Well, seeing how much you like to snort, it was boar or pig. Pig always gives off a "lustful ladiesman" kind of feeling and you sure don't look the part. So, conceited boar it is." And with that the mead hall burst out laughing. Even Skjor seemed to smirk in amusement. When the laughter had mostly died down, Ria voiced what was in the back of his mind since her outburst... and obviously on others mind too as some paid attention to was said again.

"But, honestly, you really don't know when you were born? How come?" She asked, wiping the tears she had from laughing too much.

"I don't know. The oldest memory I have goes back to the day before I came here. I just woke up and couldn't remember anything besides my name. Still can't as a matter of fact." She said, looking down at her plate and he believed her story to be true.

Well, in light of this new information, her behavior up til now made a lot more sense! Of course she would be unsettled anytime she'd be reminded of her memory loss. Her staring out into space with a frown too. Must have come from her attempt to remember her past. She didn't even know how old she was. He was pulled out of his thoughts as Aela spoke.

"If it can make you feel any better, I too would say you're in your twenties" She offered.

"Early twenties even!" agreed Ria, nodding her head with a smile.

"Right! Right! No way a teenage girl could have such beautiful curves!" Added Torvar before Aela slapped him behind the head with an exasperated look, making the others laugh.

"I wouldn't be so sure. She's so small she could still be in her teens, just grew sideways instead of upward." Athis snarled, surely out of spite from being the laughing stock back there. Unfortunately for him, Aela was taking part in the discussion now and she was obviously on the girl's side as she quirked an eyebrow at the dunmer.

"In any case, we will be settled within the next month. Perhaps she should bring you proof when _that_ time comes." The expression on the elf's face was just priceless and laughter ensued in the hall, except for one brooding dunmer.

The next morning, as Vilkas entered the mead hall, he spotted her in one of the corners, eating breakfast... or more like forgetting to finishing her plate as she was intently staring into nothing, a crease forming between her eyebrows. The sight of it made him want to go and shake her up, as if he couldn't stand it such pitiful act, although he knew it wasn't an act. He saw an apple on the table next to him and just couldn't help himself but pick it up and throw it, aiming at her head. Whether she caught it or not was up to her but either way he had a scolding line waiting. She actually was able to catch it, as it was coming from in front of her. She looked up, frowning, and her eyes met his. He cut her off before she could say a word.

"If you have time to waste brooding over something that won't come no matter how hard you try, might as well use that time to train more and develop yourself. I still haven't approve of you, whelp."

Watching her change faces as his words registered was quite entertaining. She blinked a few time from surprise then she frowned again before raising her eyebrows as if some realization had just hit her and finally her scowl. Her 'I will make you eat back your words' determined scowl. Without a word she just stood up threw the apple back at him and he looked at her going to the training ground, a smirk on his face. Now it was up to her to get this chance and start a new, to become whoever she wants to become. Maybe from this point on, he will finally stop sensing that irritating unsettled mood of hers whenever she is left to herself. Or else next time he will definitely go and shake her up real hard... _"Strangling her wouldn't be a bad idea either... would surely makes me feel better at least"_ he thought as he turned to go get something to eat.


	3. A Mission... Or Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelianna POV

Finally! Her first mission! Ok, it was simply to rough up some guy in Whiterun, but at least she was doing _something_. Ha! The face of Vilkas when he'll learn she was beginning to do jobs... She just couldn't wait to hear him say he was wrong! But she wouldn't go to him just yet with only a brawl as a mission. Ooooh no. She could almost hear him sneer and say something like 'You think a poor excuse of a brawl makes you worthy of the Companion? Don't get too full of yourself, whelp' uuurgh! This infuriating man just knew how to get on her nerves even when he wasn't freaking there! Ok, he did help her sometimes, although she was sure it wasn't his purpose, but thanks to him her memory loss wasn't affecting her as much now. Sure, she still wondered where she came from and such, but he had made her realize that her past was in the past, whether she remembered it or not. Her future, on the other hand, was hers to decide. She was even somewhat lucky compared to others since she had the chance to choose who she was, right from what age she had. With Ria and the others, they had decided that 23 years old was fair enough. So now, 23 she was! It was almost starting to be fun in fact.

As she was going down the steps leading to the marketplace, she saw her target, flirting with Carlotta, one of the merchants there. Seeing how she was responding to him, it was clearly unwanted flirt. Well, no wonder in that! He looked quite the pushy and touchy type. Unfortunately, Evy didn't get to them before he went back to the Bannered Mare, she would have liked to put him back in his place in front of the merchant so he would leave her alone for good. That would have killed two birds with one stone. Perhaps it wasn't too late... But first, it would be wiser to inquire if the man was truly a nuisance for Carlotta.

"Good morning Carlotta, is everything all right?" She asked the merchant.

"Ah you saw that just now didn't you?" Carlotta sighed before continuing "Life's hard enough with all these men proposing to me. But that bard is the worst. He just won't take no for an answer! Worse, he's boasting around about conquering me 'as a true nord conquers any harsh beast'! Hmph!"

"Would you like me to try and talk to him?" Evy offered.

"If you want to try, I certainly won't stop you. But I don't think anything will get through that thick skull of his..."

"Don't worry, I already had business with him. Might as well use the opportunity to get the message across." She smirked and with that said she went to the Bannered Mare.

Upon entering the inn, she scanned the room and saw Mikael, drinking at a table. As she made her way toward him, he raised his head and smile at her... Was that supposed to be a seducing smile?

"Well well well! What a beauty that comes my way, must be my lucky day! And what would this lovely lady like me to do for her?" He asked in a sultry voice that made her feel he wasn't talking about singing or such. Almost made her shiver in disgust. Urk, poor Carlotta, always having to bear with this guy!

"I was sent to resolve a dispute." She stated dryly and his demeanor completely changed while he snorted in contempt. What was it with men and snorts?

"Sending a little girl to try and intimidate me. Are they that stupid to think someone like you could scare me into submission? Ha! Well bring it on, wench!" He slammed his tankard on the table, surely trying to appear more tough as he stood up "Don't think I'll go easy on you just because you're a gi- humph!" He was cut off as she kicked him in the stomach.

"I knew bards had big mouths, but yours can sure spout a lot of crap." And with that he launched himself at her, roaring with anger and a fist in the air. She stepped on the side, dodging it easily and punched him across the face. The bard still managed to hit her in the stomach, knocking the air out of her. He took this opportunity to punch her again, striking her face and splitting her lips. As his fist flew again, she caught his arm and passed it over her shoulder while turning, using the strength of his own attack to throw him over her and he crashed into a chair. He stumbled back up on his feet but was jerked up by the collar and slammed against a wall. A fist collided with his face before the woman pressed her forearm against his throat, hindering his breathing slightly as the rest of her body was positioned so that he couldn't strike back, much less get away.

"So?" Was all she said with a quirked eyebrow.

"Alright I get it!" He mustered in a strained voice. She withdrew her forearm and waited a second longer before stepping away and releasing him.

"You know what to do." She said flatly as he was massaging his troat and muttering under his breath something like 'damn that wench' "Oh and..." She grabbed back his collar and brought him roughly closer, carrying on what she was saying with a menacing tone "while you're at it, leave Carlotta alone or this will get worse"

"Ok! Ok! You win! On my honor, Carlotta won't have to worry about me ever again! But just leave me alone already!" She smirked, satisfied with his reply.

"Good. You better remember it" She let go of him and turned away to leave but paused, her eyes landing on the broken chair. She raised her head to look at the innkeeper almost sheepishly "sorry about that..."

"Oh do not worry dear" chuckled Hulda "I'll take it from his pay. First time I see someone actually able to get the message across that hard head!" She laughed.

Evy laughed with her and thanked her before going to the doors. Behind her she heard Mikael protesting. "Hey! I'm the victim here! How come _I'm_ the one to pay for the broken chair!?"

"Oh shut up Mikael. You..." The door closed behind Evy so she didn't catch what Hulda said next, but she couldn't care less. She went over to Carlotta's stall and told her the good news.

"Really? You were able to convince that mule to stop chasing me? I'd thank the gods, but I'll settle for thanking you! Here's some coins for your help" She pulled out some coins but Evy pushed back her hand gently.

"Thanks for the thought, I appreciate it, but I wouldn't feel right taking money from you when I was already going to be paid from roughing him up anyway. I just took this opportunity to give him a fair warning about you. Saved me from beating him up a second time." She said with a smirk and Carlotta laughed.

"Well, you sure are a generous soul!"

"I wouldn't call it generosity. Merely honesty and fairness." She smiled and took her leave, heading back to Jorrvaskr.

As she was on her way, a courier came to her and handed a message from the Jarl's steward, Proventus Avenicci. Intrigued, she opened it right away to see what it was about. Apparently the Jarl wanted to speak with her as soon as possible. It didn't give much detail as to why or what, but she would know soon enough. Putting away the message, she turned to head to Dragonsreach instead of Jorrvaskr. As much as she wanted to go tell Farkas that the job was done, the steward did say to come as soon as possible...

She sure didn't expect what the Jarl actually wanted to talk about with her. Since their last meeting, there had been words of a dragon seen here and there, but the informations and descriptions didn't match up with one another and they couldn't just send guards away to so many places where they might or might not find a dragon. Farengar, the court-wizard, had been doing research into these creatures and had found a lead of some sort that could help them. Since she was the most experienced with dragons, as in she had actually seen one up close and lived to tell the tale of it, they thought she was the most suited for this mission. Plus she was with the Companions now, so she should have the aptitudes to go and fetch an ancient stone tablet in the depth of old ruins and bring it back safely... if the tablet really was in there... Well, anyhow she could always ask one of the Companions to accompany her as shield-sibling, so she accepted the job and headed back to Jorrvaskr.

Without further interruptions, she finally pushed opened the doors to the mead hall and went in search of Farkas, keen to tell him that the job about Mikael was done! She found him at the back, but slowed down slightly when she saw his brother was with him. Damn... No matter! She wouldn't let him get to her and would just have to ignore him as best she could. With that in mind, she kept her eyes on Farkas as she approached and grinned when she stopped in front of him, not paying any attention to the small sting it brought to her split lip.

"Mikael won't be causing trouble anymore." She told him and he chuckled at that.

"So I've heard. Congratulation in completing your first job! Here is your share" He said, handing her a small sack of gold and she thanked him. She couldn't help but glance at Vilkas, even though she had decided to ignore him. Sure enough, his eyes caught hers as he raised an irritating eyebrow.

"What? Expecting me to congratulate you as well? Don't get too full of yourself, whelp. It's just a small brawl, nothing to be boasting about." He scoffed.

"I wasn't boasting about! And I am certainly not expecting anything from you!" she bit back and Farkas looked at the two of them as they were starting a glaring contest... again. He shook his head before trying to change the direction things were going.

"I see you received a hit or two back." He pointed to her bloodied lips "You ok? Tilma can mend your wounds..." She waved her hand with a smile

"Nah, no need to bother. Just a small split on the lip and a light bruise, don't worry."

"Good. By the way, there was a courier looking for you earlier..."

"Oh, yeah! he found me. The steward was asking me to come to Dragonsreach. In fact... they asked me go fetch something for them and hum..." Argh, damn her pride! She didn't want to ask help for a quest in front of Vilkas! But in the end he still found a way to get on her nerves.

"You're getting good at running errand it seems. Well, you're still not ready for dangerous mission yet." She glared at Vilkas, refraining her growing desire to punch that smirk off of his face.

"Dangerous or not..." she turned her gaze to the friendly twin "it might take me about two days depending if I encounter problems on the road or not. Is it alright?"

"Of course! Everyone here are their own master, you can go on any journey you feel like. And if you feel the need for a shield-sibling to come with you, feel free to ask" He said with a grin.

"Thanks Farkas. I'll be fine for this one, but I'll take you up on the offer another time, promise. Well... I should go and get prepared now..."

"Yeah, be careful on the road" He warned in a brotherly tone and she smiled.

"Don't worry, you won't get rid of me so easily!" She winked and with that said, she went downstairs to pack. She would go there alone. She would go there, bring back the stone tablet and show this infuriating man she was capable of doing more than running errand! If she left now, she should be near the ruins by night time. She would sleep in the perimeter so that, come morning, she'll have all of her strengths for whatever's waiting ahead. Hopefully it will take her less than a day and she'll be back before the night falls.

Things didn't go exactly as planned at the ruins. She expected there to be draugrs of course, she had heard stories from the others about the nordic ruins... But what's with the bandits and the giant spiders? Lucky she had brought some healing potions or she would have more than just a cut on the arm and some bruises... And what the hell was that enormous wall with glowing words that just flew to her!? That had scared the crap out of her! At least the stone tablet was actually there and she even got herself some gold from loots. Not to mention she now had a shield, a bow, some arrows and even a new sword thanks to the bandits! She could have had those from draugrs too, but the ones she had taken were lighter than the draugr's. It wasn't as good as Adrianna's or Eorlund's stuff, but it would do the job until she had enough to buy better equipment.

By the time she got out of the ruins, it was late in the afternoon. She still chose to begin her journey back as she couldn't wait to return to Jorrvaskr and eat a good meal from Tilma while telling the others of her first real adventure... And see the expression on Vilkas face! Ha! That should shut him up for a while! She only stopped when there wasn't enough light anymore to venture further, but as soon as the sun rose, so did she, packing her sleeping roll and eating a bit before getting back on the road. It appeared that fate had still some action in store for her before she would get back to Whiterun, for she met the housecarl Irileth on the way as she was heading toward one of the watchtower with soldiers. She didn't even take the time to tell her the details before ordering her to come with them. On the way, Evy understood quickly what was going on as she saw a dragon fly from over the clouds and attack the watchtower. But it wasn't the same dragon as Helgen, this one was red instead of black and it looked smaller, still big obviously, but smaller nonetheless. Taking a deep breath, she ignored the fear that was rising in her and pushed forward with the determination not to let more brave men die under this beast's attacks. It was a fiery battle of all instants, but at last she saw an opening and climbed up the rock beside her to jump on the dragon while it was on the ground and it's attention on the soldiers ahead. Not wasting any second she thrust her sword in it's neck with all her strength as soon as she landed on it and held on tight as the beast shook it's head violently to dislodge her. The others took this opportunity to attack with all their might and finally it collapsed with a last raging roar. When she was sure it had ended, all the tension that kept her together seemed to leave her body and she slipped to the ground, feeling exhausted. Irileth rushed around the dragon to get to her side, but she was already getting back up on her feet, thought a bit staggering. As Evy looked up, she saw the elf freeze, so did the rest of the soldiers and she looked at them quizzically. " _Why are they all staring at- WHAT THE HELL!?_ " She thought as light and wind flew around her. She looked behind her and saw that it came from the dragon. It was like his entire body was dissolving into shreds of light that got picked up by the wind and circled her, going into her even! Then, she felt it. A warmth, like no other. It spread throughout her body and she sensed a strength, different from her own, but becoming one with hers... For a moment, as if frozen in time, she felt a strange sense of peace... Then her mind started again and reality hit her. Hard. " _What the heck is going on!_ " She freaked out, looking at the bones that remained of the dragon. Still, she was too shocked to utter a word.

"So the legends are true... The dragonborn really do exist..." Other whispers and awed comments began to rise from the group of soldiers, just confusing more the young woman who was in no state to register anything that was going on anymore. Irileth saved her in a way as she stepped forward and brought order back to the men.

"Enough. Dragonborn and other fairytales don't matter. Dragons can be slained. That's all that matters to me." With that said, she gave orders and they prepared to head back to Whiterun. Evelianna decided to push back every thoughts about what had just happened, as it brought her more headaches than answers and went to retrieve her sword. Right now, all she wanted was to wash all the blood on her, rest... and eat Tilma's food. She'd think of the rest later.


	4. You Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas POV

She. was. late. It had occurred to him when he came back from training Ria and she still wasn't there. But he had just pushed the thought away, telling himself that she was just a whelp with hardly any experience, of course she wouldn't be right about how long it would take her! And so he carried on with his day, trying to act as if there wasn't a restlessness growing in him as hours past.

"She's not really late yet, you know..." Had said his brother when night had come "She left yesterday a little before noon, so it has not been two days yet, now relax and drink with me"

"I am relaxed and I am not thinking about her" He had stated but Farkas didn't look convinced.

It was noon the next day when he started to be unable to refrained from being restless. She was late! How long did it take to go fetch something in... at... wherever it was she had gone! Why didn't his brother ask where the hell she was going? For all they knew she could have thought going to Winterhold took just "about two days"!

"Relax brother. She did say it would take about two days "depending if she encounters problems", she has just been delayed a bit, don't worry." Farkas had said... How was _that_ supposed to prevent him from worrying? No. He wasn't worried about the whelp. Just irritated she had so little sense on estimating time. That's all.

"I'm not worried. And I am _not_ thinking of strangling her when she actually gets her ass back here" he had groaned and was even more irritated when his twin laughed.

" _Of course_ you're not thinking about her pretty ass" had said Alea, who was eating with them.

"I said I am not thinking of strangling her! Never said anything about her ass being pretty!" He had snapped back and she just smirked.

"So you _are_ thinking of her butt! Since you are "not thinking" of strangling her" Dammit whatever he said, she always found a way to turn it against him! And his brother who was just laughing his head off!

"Now I'm thinking of strangling _you_ " He growled, concentrating on his plate while the other two were still laughing. Damn them both.

And now, the sun had set and she was, officially, freaking late! Maybe she had just run off. No. Like Farkas had said, she could simply have been delayed. Or maybe the whelp just got lost on the way. " _Useless_ " he thought. But he'd prefer the 'I got lost' excuse over 'I bumped into a bunch of troll and got eaten for diner' excuse... He stopped his pacing at that last thought then shook his head " _Argh! Why the hell can't she keep her words of getting back within two days!_ " He thought, getting back on pacing back and forth in his room. Now because of her he was feeling more and more restless. If his wolf got free and went on a rampage because of this, it would be her fault! No. He couldn't let his emotions give enough powers for his wolf to break free. He took a deep breath and decided to go upstairs and eat with the others. Maybe that would help him keep his mind busy.

Once he got in the mead hall though, his senses caught a smell that stopped him dead in his track. It came from outside, carried by the breeze that passed through the open door when someone stepped out... It was a strong smell that drawn the attention of every member of the circle. The smell of blood. Lots of blood. How did he manage not to run to the door, he did not know. When he got outside though, Farkas and Aela on his tail, he could only take a few steps before freezing again. There, handing some sort of stone to Irileth and discussing with her, was the whelp... standing at the bottom of the stairs as if everything was normal, as if she wasn't _drenched_ in blood... He watched her bidding goodbye and sighing after Irileth continued her way, the stone in hand, then the girl turned toward Jorrvaskr. Farkas chose that time to call out to her and she raised her head, finally noticing them as the other two went to her. Vilkas just stood there, looking at the three of them make their way up as his twin and the huntress inquired what in the world had happened to her. "Lots of stuff... I'll tell you everything later. Right now I just want a bath." she replied, breathing a laugh. Her exhaustion was apparent in her voice... and in her eyes as they looked up and were caught by his gaze, which he was sure must have shown how displeased he was. His fists were clenched and his jaw was as hard as rock. He didn't trust he would be able to keep from yelling at her if he tried to talk right now so he just turned and walked back inside. They were still half up the stairs when the door closed behind him. He breathed deeply to calm his tensed muscles as he made his way toward Tilma.

By the time he was beside her, he had been able to relax his jaw enough to ask her to go and prepare a bath right away. Glancing at the drunken state of some around the tables, he then specified in his room. The old woman was a bit surprised but nodded all the same and went to do as asked. He followed her downstairs to go in search of clean bandages and a set of clothes. He had noticed the bandages on her arm and hands, as well as the limp of her leg. By the time the three of them had reached the mead hall and the whelp had actually been able to get away from everyone to go downstairs take a bath, Tilma had finished her task and gone back and Vilkas was waiting, leaning his back on the wall beside the doors the bloodied woman would go through any moment now... He used the wait to calm himself enough so when she would be there, he wouldn't burst out in anger... just yet. He wasn't cruel enough to yell at her while she was in her current state. Besides, he couldn't stand the stench of blood that almost covered her own, it just affected his wolf to no end. So he would wait until she had bathed, changed and bandaged correctly, then he would yell at her if her explanations weren't satisfying.

The doors to the sleeping quarters opened and she passed through them, alone. As they were closing, he stepped away from the wall with a push, extending his hand toward her. Just as he predicted, as soon as she couldn't be seen anymore, her body began to stagger and he caught her before her legs gave away completely. She tensed automatically when she felt a hand grabbing her from behind.

"That stupid pride of yours..." He groaned as he lifted her up in his arms, heading toward his room.

"Vilkas!" She gasped and from her surprise he knew she hadn't even sensed there was someone behind her until he had caught her. "Where are you taking me?- I mean what are you doing!? Put me down!" She started to struggle weakly and he glared at her.

"Shut up whelp. You're gonna leave blood everywhere and it'll take Tilma all night to clean behind you."

"That's why I wanted to go take a bath! You know, _the other way_!" She said impatiently, pointing toward the door where the members that didn't have private rooms could take baths. She was only rewarded with a "hmph" of contempt and he opened the door to his apartments. He entered and closed the door with his foot, going straight to the bath afterward, putting her on the chair he had placed just beside it for that purpose.

"Now" He crossed his arms, giving her a stern look "I hope you don't need help taking your clothes off." He ignored her widening eyes over what he had dared to say "When you're done, get changed and come out. No dawdling. There's a set of clothes there." He said in a curt tone, nodding toward the set of clothes on a small table. He turned to let her to her bath and heard her mumble a "what the...". He ignored it too and closed the panels to give her privacy as he went further into his bedroom.

"Do you really expect me to bath while you stay in the room!?" She asked from behind the panels, her voice sounding as irritated as disbelieving. "Why bring me here in the first place!? I could have bathed just fine in-"

"Torvar is already drunk. You should know by now of his tendency to mistake the doors" He cut her off, before she got more outraged. It seemed to do the trick for he heard her faint "oh". He carried on "Don't worry whelp, I'm not interested in seeing you bath. I just want to make sure you don't fall asleep and drown in _my_ bath. Now could you just get it over with?" There was silence for a moment and he thought he would have to face another fit of rebellion, but he finally heard the distinctive sound of weapons being put away and the rustle of armor and clothes being taken off and dropped on the floor. He clenched his teeth as he heard her hiss while she slipped into the warm water, his wolf stirring restlessly more than ever, but hearing her sigh of relief afterward made his jaw and his wolf relax ever so lightly. He sighed silently and looked down to his clothes... yeah... might as well change from his bloodstained clothes. It might take his mind off the fact there's a naked beautif- a naked little girl bathing at the other end of his apartments. " _It's just the whelp anyway..._ " he tried to convince himself.

Glancing warily at the panels he shook his head wondering, not for the first time, what in the world had gotten into him. He unfastened his armor's belts, cursing mentally for that one little devil that chose this time of all time to be a pain in the ass to undo! When he finally got his armor off, he went on to changing his pants that also had bloodstain, surely from when he had caught her. He slipped into a clean pair and put his boots back on before taking off his shirt. Just before he reached for his clean one he heard a quick intake of breath from behind him and he turned halfway to look toward the panels. Sure enough, the woman had just stepped out from behind them, barefoot, her hair still wet and undone, simply wearing the shirt and pants he had found her. But what really caught his attention was that she was staring at his chest with wide eyes. Well... that was interesting. He raised an eyebrow and turned completely to face her, his anger momentarily put aside.

"What is it? Never seen a man's chest before?" he asked, amused to see her cheeks turn a darker shade than the light pink that came from bathing.

"No! I mean yes, but that's not... well..." his eyebrow rose a bit higher.

"Yes or no?" He teased a bit more before chuckling and shaking his head. "To think the sight of a bare chest would actually be able to get your tongue..." Then he went back to being serious. "anyway, come over here and sit there" he ordered, nodding toward his bed. He turned to get the bandages but, not hearing her move, he looked back at her, she was still staring at him, her eyes seeming unsure for some reason. Then he realized what must have been going on in her head and he rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to ravish you! I'm just going to treat your wounds." She blinked a few times and her eyes fell on the roll of bandages in his hand. That seemed to convince her or something and she finally got her butt moving. Gods this woman was going to drive him crazy! Even so, in light of her amusing reactions, he couldn't help but want to tease her again. While she was sitting down on the edge of the bed, he pulled a chair closer and smirked as he was sitting down in front of her.

"Never thought you had such a perverted mind, whelp." She blushed again but furrowed her eyebrows in irritation and as she opened her mouth, surely to snap back at him, he cut her off with an order. "arm."

"What?" She was so taken aback that she seemed to even forget what she was about to say.

"Your left arm" he repeated in a voluntary impatient sigh "you had a bandage on it so show it to me."

She made an "oh" of realization and lifted her arm to show him. He pulled the sleeve up carefully to reveal the wound on her forearm and he gritted his teeth, trying to keep his wolf at bay. At least it appeared to have stopped bleeding. There was a moment of silence while he was treating her injury before she spoke again.

"Why are you doing this? I mean... you dislike me..." He paused in his movement and looked up at her without saying a word, then went back to what he was doing.

True... He disliked her, she affected his wolf so easily without doing much more than gazing at him so why was he doing this? Letting her so close that his wolf rattled at his walls to get out. But he couldn't just let her to herself, she was obviously too proud to ask for help from the others. If he had just let her be, she would have let herself pass out in a bath where Torvar would be barging in at one point. Knowing him, he would most probably decide to take a bath too, _beside_ the passed out whelp. He frowned at that thought. There was just no way he could possibly let that happen! " _No matter how much I dislike her_ " He concluded. He stubbornly kept quiet though.

He moved on to her hand next, which she had still the dirty, and now wet, bandage on. He untied it and took it off to examine her hand, his frown increasing. "Stay put" he ordered before standing and going to pour water in a bowl, bringing it back with a clean cloth. Setting the bowl down, he soaked the cloth then proceeded to clean the remaining blood and grime that the bandage had concealed. He was careful to move as gently as he could, for even the light strokes made her tense up from the sting. It's not that her palm had cuts are anything of the sort. It was more like scratches and raw skin, as if something raspy had rubbed on her palms continuously to the point of drawing blood. Just what happened for her hands to become like this? He went on with wrapping the soft fabric around her left hand. It wasn't serious injuries, but raw skin against anything too rough could hurt a lot if not protected.

"How did your hands become like this?" He asked, keeping his eyes on the hand he was wrapping. This time when she tensed he knew it wasn't from a stinging pain and that she would try to dodge his inquiries.

"I don't... really want to talk about it right now." She tried and he threw her a stern look.

"Too bad. I won't settle with just that. You go on a mission to "fetch" something for the Jarl, you say that you don't need a shield-sibling with you and that it would only take about two days, then you come back late, injured and drenched in blood." He caught her gaze in his, not letting it go "You're gonna tell me what's going on and you're gonna do it _now_." His harsh tone didn't let any place to rebellion or arguing. She actually looked like she was going to talk back but she must have seen something in his eyes warning her otherwise because she ended up sighing in defeat. He then moved his attention to her right hand.

"Well... The court wizard, Farang something..."

"Farengar" He groaned, not because she had it wrong but because he didn't like the idea of her mission having anything to do with magic. Nordics didn't get involved with magic... Not that either of them knew if she was a nord or not, but she was with the Companions so it was the same.

"Right. Farengar. He needed some ancient tablet for an important project of his and so the Jarl decided to ask me to go since he couldn't spare to send his men, even more if it wasn't sure that it would be there." He glanced up at her as she didn't continue.

"And then?... where did he send you for you to come back in that state? Why did Irileth come with you if he said he couldn't even send one of his men?" He heard her sight again. He knew she was tired but he didn't care. She wouldn't get away until she had told him everything and her tiredness made her defenses weaker so he wasn't going to wait for her to build them up again.

"Irileth didn't go with me. I met her by chance on my way back here, but that's another story."

"Don't think you'll escape the second story." he warned in a growl "You'll tell me the other after the first. Now go on."

"I would if you stopped interrupting me all the time!" They glared at each other but when he stayed quiet she carried on. "As I was saying. The tablet was supposed to be inside Bleak Falls Barrow and..." He tensed at the name of the nordic ruins and tried to contain his rising anger as well as his growling wolf. She must have felt it because she added quickly "It wasn't the reason for the blood and all! Though the wound on my arm and some of the bruises come from there, but it's just minor injuries anyway and I didn't have enough healing potions at the end so..." She trailed off as he looked up at her with darkening angry eyes, that last bit of information not helping with his anger _at all._ He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down and repeating mentally that he couldn't burst out now, she still had at least another injury...

"And your leg?"

"My leg?" She repeated while blinking, and he almost felt like they had returned at the start of their conversation. He rolled his eyes.

"You might be able to fool the others, but you won't fool me. I saw your slight limp. How you managed to hide it from them is a wonder" He stated dryly and she stared at him again as he finished tying the bandage on her right hand.

"What... How... What makes you think..." To think that him finding out would surprise her to the point of stuttering... He would almost have chuckled, if he wasn't trying so hard to contain his urge to yell at her.

"As if they would have let you go down the stairs by yourself so easily." He rolled his eyes "Now. Tell me where you're hurt so I can treat it while you tell me the rest of your story." He looked up, prepared to deal with any incoming objections and arguing. She probably did think about it but their eyes locked with each other and after a moment she looked down and sighed.

"It's nothing really, I can treat it myself back at my sleeping quarters" She tried none the less, but by her tone it was clear she knew she wouldn't win.

"Can't do. You still have a second story to tell. But first you tell me where you're hurt. Now. Or do you prefer I search for it myself?" He asked raising an eyebrow arrogantly.

"No! It's just a sprained ankle, nothing that serious!" She had moved back one of her leg reflexively, confirming him which leg was hurt and he pushed back the chair to kneel down on one knee. One hand caught her calf to stop her from another retreating move and the other grabbed carefully her foot, lifting her leg so he could examine her ankle. The hand on her calf moved down and pushed the hem of her pants back up to reveal more of her leg. He ignore her sharp intake of breath and, always so carefully, began to touch her ankle to see if it was really just a sprain.

"So? How did your leg and hands end up like this?" He asked, both to get her to continue her story and to keep her mind off the possible pain his examination might bring her. She must have understood that because she didn't put up a fight this time. That, or she had just finally given up on trying to avoid telling him everything.

"Like I said, I met Irileth by chance on my way back here and she told me to follow them"

"Them?" He inquired. He had only seen her and the elf, who where 'them'?

"Well the other soldiers" She replied as if it was obvious. Of course... "Anyway, I didn't know what was going on, she didn't have time to give me an explanation and she didn't look like "no" was an answer so I followed them" He swallowed back a grunt and let her continue as he was wrapping her ankle. "Anyway, I understood when I saw the dragon attack the watchtower" That made him pause and he looked up at her, but she was looking at her hands resting on her thighs, obviously avoiding his gaze. " _do not burst now. do not burst now..._ " he repeated to himself.

"and...?" he insisted through gritted teeth. He knew it was just going to add oil on the fire, but he needed to know.

"well obviously we went to defend the watchtower." It took him all of his strength to restrain himself from shouting at her for her recklessness. He tried focusing on the fact that she was still alive and barely wounded for someone who had gone against a dragon. But some things still weren't as obvious as she made it look.

"How did your hands and leg get injured?" A sprain was an odd injury from battling with a dragon, so was scratched palms. Not to mention her bloodied self when she came back. He heard her take a deep breath and he could just sense that he wasn't going to like what would come next.

"At some point the beast was on the ground and I saw an opening so I jumped on the dragon and I thrust my sword in his neck. My palms became like this from holding on to my sword too tight when the dragon was trying to dislodge me. That's also why I got so much blood on me, must have touched a big vein or something... As for my leg, I think I sprained my ankle when I fell down." Then she added quickly, as if to defend her pride or something. "But the dragon was dead when I fell! It wasn't because I got thrown away!" As if _that_ had any importance compared to everything she had just said. He had finished to bandage her ankle during her last explanation and looked up at her before slowly standing up. Then he took a long deep breath and...

"You... _IDIOT_! Have you gone completely out of your mind!? Just how _stupid_ can you get!? First you decide to just go by yourself to wander in a nordic ruins-"

"I didn't wander!" She shot back "It's not like I didn't expect to find draugrs! I heard you and the others talk enough about it to know what was waiting for me!"

"Great! Stupid AND reckless!"

"How is it reckless!? I was prepared you know!"

"Doesn't looks like it to me!" He slashed back, catching her wrist to lift her bandaged arm and shaking it lightly in front of her, although he was still enough in control of himself to remember she was injured and that shaking her too roughly would hurt her... Though he was tempted to do it anyway, maybe it would bring some senses in that thick head of hers!

"That's because-" she began but he cut her off again.

"That's because you didn't have a shield-sibling with you to show you the trades! Like any newcomers of the Companions have when they go on their first missions out! I told you that you weren't ready for that yet, but noooo you just had to follow that damn pride of yours and go off on your own!"

"Just because you don't want to admit my strengths, doesn't mean-"

"I damn well know of your strengths! That's why I said you weren't ready to go alone! I wasn't mocking you, I was stating a fact! And looking at you now just proves all the more that I was right!"

"It's just a few scratches and bruises! I drank all my healing potions back in the ruins so yeah there are still some small injuries left but not that much! Last I checked, I was still alive!"

"And you think THAT would actually make me approve of you going off on other missions alone? That's not even pride anymore that's down right foolishness!" She winced under his yelling but didn't back down nonetheless.

"Maybe it was a bit reckless to go there alone, but I certainly am no fool! And what if I have a bit of pride? It got nothing to do with this!" Oh how he wanted to strangle her right now.

"Going in nordic ruins for the first time, _alone_ , when you don't even have the slightest traveling experience to begin with, and on top of that with only a leather armor and a sword, that's more then just a bit reckless and it sure as hell got a lot to do with pride. Anyone with the slightest sense of judgement would've known it wiser to ask for a shield-sibling in this situation! And following someone who just tells them to come along without even demanding an explanation when they are clearly heading for a battle is also reckless! But going head on against a dragon when you are already injured and tired, that's just damn foolish! So is walking all the way back on a sprained ankle as if there was nothing and even trying to hide it to others! That pride of yours will be the death of you!" She jumped to her feet and pushed him in anger as she shout a "How dare you!" though it didn't even make him budge the slightest. This just angered her more and she tried to hit him but he caught her wrists, making her struggle though he didn't know if she struggled to break free or to try to hit him anyway, maybe both...

"What does it matter to you anyway! You didn't even want me here in the first place!" she had continued on yelling in her struggle and this angered him even more, even if he did not know why. But she was still wriggling and fighting hopelessly, not even caring if it made her injuries worst and that made his wolf snarl loudly. So before his beast could take over, he turned around, pulling her with him, and he shoved her into the wall that had been just behind him, pinning her wrists slightly above her head and blocking her body with his own, startling her into silence.

"Just because you irritate me to no end doesn't mean I want you to go and kill yourself foolishly!" Her shock didn't last long.

"Let go of me you brute! And stop calling me a fool!"

"I'll stop calling you a fool when you stop acting like one!" He was loosing control of his self, bad. He was just so mad at her for being so careless with her own life, her own body. Body which was flush against his own from chest to tights, her breasts pressing against his bare chest with only a thin linen separating their heated skins. And her scent that was just invading his senses as if enticing him in another kind of madness. If she was to speak or even try to move on top of that... He hoped for her to stay still and silent, to let him get a grip again before he lost it for good... But she had never been one to do as he hoped.

"You-"

"Don't!" He cut off through gritted teeth. "Don't say another word and just. stay. still!" he warned. But of course she just wouldn't follow such simple orders!

"Just who do you" If only he had something to shut her up... "think you are to" and she began to move her body in a vain attempt to push him back "believe I would-" And his lips crashed on her own, successfully shutting her up... and shutting his mind off too...


	5. Part Of The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelianna POV

She didn't know what was going on anymore and she couldn't have cared less. One moment they were yelling at each other and the next his lips had covered her own and oh gods how it felt good! She just forgot everything, the pain, the exhaustion, the anger, the desire to strangle him, she even forgot she was supposed to hate the man. Everything just disappeared and she found herself kissing him back, hard. It was as if all their pant up frustrations from one another had burst and changed into a need that neither of them could resist. It wasn't a soft or gentle kiss, it was passionnate, hungry and slightly rough, as if their newfound need wasn't getting satisfied fast enough.

His head moved slightly and she felt his teeth nibble her lower lip, making her gasp softly. He took this opportunity to invade her mouth and she was more than willing to let him as she moved her tongue to meet his, beginning a battle for dominance... Which he won in the end, but she didn't feel like she had lost at all while she moaned into the kiss. Gods she wanted more! She wanted to touch him, she wanted to bite him... She wanted more! But as she tried to pull her arms away from the wall, he just growled and tighened his grip on her wrists, pushing them back on the cold surface and pressing his body against her all the more. To this, the woman felt the urge to press more into the kiss, as if to reassure him she wasn't going anywhere. It seemed to work since the grip around her wrists began to loosen slowly.

Then there was a loud bang and a scream that made them both jolt back to reality, their body freezing in an instant as they broke the kiss. The next moment, they heard Njada shout. "Don't you dare get in my bath Torvar! Get out! Now!" And more commotion ensued, but neither of them seemed to pay attention to it. They were both gazing in each other's eyes, breathing hard, not moving an inch, not saying a word. She was too shocked upon realizing what had just happened to be able to utter a word. Minutes past, or was it merely seconds? Silence came back in the hallway, but the silence that had filled the room was becoming more and more uneasy for the young woman. She finally took a deep breath to try and say something, but he beat her to it.

"Don't!" He took a few deep breaths "Just don't move and don't. say. a. word." He said through gritted teeth, reminding her of a previous warning, not too long ago, but that seemed so far away in her still fogged mind. But this time she chose to listen to him. His voice had been even more strained than the first time, as if it had taken him all of his strengths just to say those few words. His expression was also tensed like she had never seen before. He looked like he was battling with himself, a really hard and ferocious battle of all instants. After what seemed like a long, agonizing time, he finally sighed, although his face was still tensed and his jaw as hard looking as steel... and then he glared at her, he actually _glared_ _at her_! She wasn't the one who started this! He did! _She_ was the one supposed to glare at _him_!

"I am going to release you and you are going to get the hell out of this room" He ordered harshly, though his voice still strained. He slowly, warily, let go of her and moved away. But she stood still, looking at him, only moving her arms back down to her sides. She was going to ask what in the world was his problem, but as soon as she opened her mouth he snarled a "get out!", almost yelling it. She jumped at his aggressiveness and instinct told her to do as she was told and get away from this man. She scurried away as fast as her sprained ankle would allow her and she heard the door slam behind her shortly after she got out of the room. She stopped and looked back at the door, wondering, not for the first time that night, what the hell had gotten into him.

The sound of the slamming door had startled Torvar awake and he looked around until he noticed her. He grinned at her but stayed where he was, sitting on the ground against a wall near the entrance of the shared sleeping quarters. "Hey~! You're back! Hic!" He mumbled something next that she didn't catch, but he was already falling asleep again and she shook her head. Well, at least some people didn't change while she was away. She _had_ only been gone for two days and a half... Really, what the heck could have happened for Vilkas to become so... Memories of the handsome man, bare chest and all pressed up to her against a wall made her blush violently and she tried to chase them away. Shaking her head again she decided to follow Torvar's exemple and just go to sleep, although she would do it on her cot and not on the ground. Eating would have to wait. Right now she was just so exhausted! And it was all Vilkas fault! Again, unwanted memories came rushing to her mind and it wasn't images of their fight. She tried to chase them away yet again as she went to bed. Unfortunately, it followed her in her dreams... hot, passionnate, unsettling dreams.

When Evy woke up the next day, it was almost noon. She slowly sat up, her mind still a bit groggy, and looked around. That's when her gaze fell on her belongings. Her satchel and belt sat on the small table next to her bed, her bow, quiver and sword leaning against the wall beside it and her boots at the foot of the bed. What... how...? She remembered vaguely that she had left all of her things back in Vilkas' room. How did they get here? Did he bring them back to her? No... looking at how everything was neatly placed, that wasn't the brute's doing. He was more likely to just dump everything there, he could even be the type to do it loudly on purpose, to wake her up with a start like a jerk. But she hadn't woken up at all.

She looked over her things again and grunted. " _Arf, I'll need to go buy new clothes and boots... and healing potions. Boots can still wait, but I'll be damned if I can't even train because of that stupid ankle_ " With that on her mind, she pulled her boots closer and slipped them on, gritting her teeth when pain shot through her so called stupid ankle. At least the bandage lessened the pain when she stood up and put weight on it. She pushed back all thoughts of who had wrapped the bandage or how his hands had felt on her skin and just carried on with taking her belt to put it on. Then she grabbed her small satchel and, sitting back, she emptied it on her bed to see what she had gotten from her loots back at the ruins. Aside from gold, she had also a few trinkets that could have some value. Among them was a silver amulet that had a faint purple glow to it. Strange... Maybe she should show it to Farengar when she'd go to Dragonsreach. Irileth had told her yesterday to go meet the Jarl after she would have had some rest. Yesterday... So much had happened in such a short amount of time that she still had a hard time wrapping her mind around it all. She shook her head, deciding that she would act upon each of them in due time. For the time being, she had too many things that needed to be done. As she was standing up, a grumbling noise came from her stomach and she looked down at it. Right. She really should start with eating something, she was starving!

Upon entering the mead hall, she had been relieved to see no trace of one irritating man in particular. She still didn't know how to react the next time she would see him. There were still some people, including Ria who waved her over, eager to hear about her adventures of the past days. She smiled back and went to eat with her, trying to eat more than talk but it proved to be a hard task since her friend just wouldn't stop pressing her with questions. It's Aela that came to her rescue, telling her to let the poor girl eat! She smiled thankfully to the huntress and used the little time it gave her to eat some more before curiosity couldn't be contained anymore. It is only about an hour later that she was able to escape the interrogation.

As she headed down the stairs outside of Jorrvaskr, she mentally went through her to-do list. First the meeting with the Jarl, then speaking with the wizard and after that she would go buy what she needed. Her eyes looked up the stairs leading to Dragonsreach and she paused. Maybe she should start with buying health potions afterall or going up all those steps would be a living nightmare for her ankle. Yeah... might as well begin with that. Her decision made, she turned and set out to Arcadia's shop instead. There would be a lot of going around today, but she didn't know what the Jarl would reward her with for successfully getting the stone tablet so she didn't want to buy equipment yet just in case.

In the end, she was able to get a fairly good price for the trinkets, but she decided to keep the glowing amulet and wear it under her new armor. Farengar was too absorbed in his project to give her much attention and the amulet having a protection enchantment was the only information she managed to get from him. Besides her armor, she was able to buy new and more protective boots as well as leather gauntlet. They weren't much, but it was still better than before, which was not having any at all. She still had some gold left after that, but she preferred to save it for future better equipment.

When she got back, Vilkas was there, drinking with his brother, and she froze. Farkas noticed her and waved her over with a big smile. " _Great. Now what am I gonna do?_ " She thought. Glancing over the man who had hunted her dreams the previous night, she met his icy blue eyes and the next moment he was looking away, as if he didn't even see her. So, he had decided to just ignore her? Fine! She would do so too! Without further hesitation, she went to their table and sat beside Farkas, doing her best to only pay attention to him, as if his twin wasn't there just like he did with her... Well they _tried_ to ignore each other, really.

"I see that you are doing better today, that's a relief." Farkas said with a brotherly smile.

"Well, it's nothing a few healing potions can't overcome" She smiled back.

"That's true" he laughed "In any case, you sure gave us one hell of a fright back there! Covered in blood and all! For a moment I even thought Vilkas had been right to worry about your lateness!" She looked at Vilkas in surprise while he just shot a displeased look at his brother. So... Vilkas had been worried since before she came back? How come? "Fortunately that wasn't your blood!" Farkas had carried on, still laughing.

"She would be dead if it had been her blood, idiot" Had groaned the brooding brute, but his twin just ignored him as if he hadn't even spoke.

"And to think it was dragon blood! You must be the luckiest and bravest woman to have been able to kill such a beast! Aaah how wish I had been there..." Of course, word traveled fast around the Companions. She couldn't help but smile shyly at his comment.

"You don't think it was reckless?" She asked. She couldn't help but glance shortly at Vilkas who was actually looking at her with narrowed eyes this time.

"It sure was! But hey, I'm not one who can scold about recklessness" He said, laughing again and she smiled more while Vilkas just grunted. True, he was known for going head first in a battle. He was more the 'Act and think later' type. "But honestly, next time you go in nordic ruins, it would be wiser to have a shield-sibling with you. At least for the first few times." He smiled "We all know it won't be long until you can go on missions alone without much of a worry, but right now... your life kinda began about a month ago. You're a good fighter, a damn good one at that now, and perhaps all your basic knowledge didn't get erased with the rest of your memories, but there are still things where you have less experience than that of a child, unfortunately." And to think he was labelled as 'Icebrain'... "So please, next time, trust your family a bit more ok?" He finished with a smile and she felt bad, but moved at the same time.

"You... Am I really part of the family?" She asked. She had never even thought of it. Farkas' smile grew wider.

"Of course you are! Well, you still aren't officially a Companion yet, but that's just a matter of time. In any case, I already see you as a sister." He grinned.

"Thanks Farkas." She smiled back at him. Wow. She had been so focused on proving her worth, she hadn't even realized she was already considered one of them.

"That also mean... Next time your leg hurts, feel free to lean on me sister." He winked and she widened her eyes as Vilkas glared at him.

"You knew? And you just let her go down the stairs on a sprained ankle!?" The moody brother said in an angry voice, to which the other just shrugged.

"I also knew you were down there, ready to catch her if she fell, so I didn't want to bother you two." She was still staring at him with wide eyes. Not only did he know she had an injured leg at that time, but he also knew Vilkas had been waiting for her!? Did he also know what happened next? A light blush crept up her cheeks as memories of a certain moment came to her mind and she looked down at her plate. Then she heard Farkas chuckle. "Well, seeing your reactions I guess I did the right thing" He added and she glanced at Vilkas to see what _his_ reaction was... but he was obstinately looking in the opposite direction so she couldn't see his expression.

When others came to join them, the mood around the table was weird to say the least: one was lightly embarrassed, one was grumpy to no end and one was all too amused to the liking of the other two. And the more the discussion went on about Evy's adventures, the more grumpiness and amusement could be sensed over a particular side of the table. But it couldn't be helped as it was the hot topic of the moment. As she was ending her story, it reminded her of a question that had been bugging her.

"By the way, does any of you know what's a Dragonborn?" She asked and the others just stared at her in disbelief. Torvar was the one who answered her first.

"You don't know? It's the guy who kills dragons!"

"If that was the case anyone with enough fighting skills would be a Dragonborn, you oaf." Said Athis dryly, shaking his head then nodding toward Evy "Even the shrimp." Great, first she was a whelp and now she was a shrimp too.

"Yeah but it's not everyone that can eat 'em!" added Torvar. She blinked at that and Vilkas rolled his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. Seemed like he couldn't just ignore the conversation anymore.

"Dragonborns don't eat dragons, idiot. They eat their souls so they can't come back to life, like what's happening now. They're also able to understand the dragon language and use their shouts."

"Shout" She repeated "as in... yelling?" She asked with a puzzled look which actually brought a smile to his face, an amused smile and surely at her expense, but a smile nonetheless.

"They do kind of yell when using a shout, it's called a shout after all, but it's more than that. Putting it simply, it's strong magic thrown by the sheer power of the user's voice." He explained to her. If what he said was true, then the soldiers back then must have been mistaken. Sure, she had a loud voice when she wanted, but that had nothing to do with the shouts Vilkas was talking about. She was pulled out from her reflections by Athis.

"Why did you ask anyway? It's not like you're the Dragonborn just because you were a bit lucky once and managed to kill a dragon, with the help of the soldiers on top of that" She rolled her eyes.

"Of course not. I was just curious since I heard some of the men talking about it on the way back. Made me wonder what they were talking about." She explained. It wasn't a lie, it was the men who had talked about it after they defeated the dragon. She just omitted to say they thought she was the Dragonborn... She didn't notice Skjor and Aela at another table behind them studying her and exchanging silent looks.

Over the next few days, she was relieved to find her life return little by little to how it was before. Even her interaction with Vilkas had somehow nearly returned to normal. Not friendly, of course, but civil enough to acknowledge the other's presence and exchange some words when needed. After what Farkas had said and upon witnessing the reactions from some of the others when they heard of her story, she had come to understand what Vilkas had tried to tell her... More like yell at her, but anyway. At that time, she hadn't even tried to hear what he was saying. She had been too tired and too mad from being yelled at to accept his scolding as being right. But now she understood and her grudge against him had lessen. Even more when she had learned he had actually been worried for her. In any case, she wasn't the only one at fault for the big mess their exchange had become. How did he expect her to react to that anyway? Of course she would be fired up and fight back! He should have brought it like Farkas did! They most probably wouldn't have ended like they had if he had.

Well, even if they were twins, they sure weren't alike. Farkas was gentle, friendly, kindhearted and funny. Vilkas, on the other hand, was rude, harsh, gruffy, short tempered, a damn thick headed arrogant brute that kissed like a god- " _No he does not! I am supposed to hate him!... well I don't really hate him, I just dislike him, but that doesn't matter. Hate or dislike, I should not be thinking of how good a kisser he is- Argh! Forget it! I should just erase the whole thing as if it never happened!_ " Or so she tried to convince herself. But nevertheless she had to admit he was quite handsome... The thought made her blink and she realized she had been staring at the so called arrogant brute, again. Why couldn't everything go back to how it was before? When her stubborn head was still able to ignore how attracted she was to him. No no. She wasn't that attracted to him. Nor was he hunting her dreams, making her more and more unable to shut out the want that had been awaken on that cursed night when they had found themselves against a wall... She shook her head and tried to look at something else, anything but him. It didn't stop her mind from going back to the subject of her irritation though.

They had seemed to come to a silent agreement to try acting as if that night had never happened. It still felt awkward a couple of times, her, becoming too aware of his presence, him, sometimes tensing up all of a sudden for no apparent reason... The awkwardness, she could still put up with it, but what was with her cheeks' new tendency to become a light shade of pink at the worst possible moment? And of course, most of the time, it was because _he_ was close by and made her think about what she didn't want to remember. The worst of all was when he actually noticed her blush. The devil would then have the audacity to smirk, with amusement in his eyes!

The last time it happened, they were almost alone, there was some people around, but they might as well have been alone it wouldn't have made much difference seeing how no one was paying attention to them... The two had almost bumped into each other as she was going out to train and he was coming back from it, his chest bare and sweaty... Of course she would have blushed! But she hadn't moved fast enough and he saw the color of her cheeks. Oh how she hated that lifting eyebrow, just as much as that smirk curling his lips. He had stepped closer, leaning over and making a shiver run down her spine as she felt his hot breath tickle her ear. They weren't even touching but she could feel the heat emanating from his body.

"Thinking perverted things again, are you?" he had said in a low sexy voice. Her eyes had widened and her cheeks changed from pink to red as he was straightening. When he saw her reaction, his smirk just grew more and he chuckled! He actually freaking chuckled while he brushed past her to go inside, letting her stand there, stunned, embarrassed, hot and, most of all, mad at him. How dare he brought that up again! They had a damn agreement, unspoken, but an agreement nonetheless! Couldn't he just stay with the 'tensing up and staying away' thing instead of... of... whatever _that_ behavior was! That day, the poor dummy didn't stand a chance, neither did Athis when he had tried to poke fun at her.

Now, it had been about two weeks since that cursed night, and she had gone on a few missions with other Companions over those weeks. She had welcomed the missions as it allowed her to get away from Vilkas and the unsettling effect he had on her. Then, Aela told her that Skjor wanted to speak with her. This intrigued her for she hadn't really spoken a lot with the man. It appeared he wanted to give her a mission, a final test to prove her honor before she could actually become a full-fledged Companion. For that, she had to be accompanied by a member of the Circle so her progress could be witnessed. It was decided that Farkas would be her shield-brother and the woman felt relieved for this. If it had been Vilkas... Yeah, better not think about it.

The mission was to go to a nordic tomb and retrieve a fragment of Wuuthrad. It was her second time going into nordic ruins, but at least this time she had someone to watch her back like she had promised Farkas... But things didn't go as planned, again. This time, though, it wasn't because of recklessness or anything of the sort that Vilkas could scold her about. No. What didn't go as planned was the ambush made by those called the Silver Hand while she was trapped. And what she didn't even think of ever considering in a plan, was the fact that Farkas was a werewolf. The beast had made light work of the enemies and had disappeared in one of the corridor. She had been released and Farkas had come back. Surprisingly, she wasn't really scared, more taken aback than anything. He didn't give much details but with the explanations he did give her, she learned that every member of the Circle had the beast blood, including Vilkas. On the other hand it was kept secret from everybody outside the Circle and she promised him that she wouldn't tell their secret. After that came another surprise, more for Farkas than Evy, when they found themselves in front of a wall exactly like the one in Bleak Falls Barrow. And like last time, this wall had glowing word that flew toward the young woman when she came close to them. The most surprising thing was that he had gone near the wall just before her and nothing had happened.

"What was that?" He asked her, taken aback.

"I have no clue. It was like that too in the other nordic ruins... Maybe it's just a 'nordic ruins' thing?"

"Nah, I never saw something like that happen and I have my fair share of experiences in those places." He looked back at the wall, studying it. "Maybe you should ask Vilkas about it, he's more knowledgeable than me" He offered and she forced a smile. She wasn't keen on asking anything to that man.

"I'll think about it, but first let's finish this mission" She said, going to the altar to pick the fragment of Wuuthrad.

The moment her hand touched the metal piece, familiar sound of coffins being opened echoed around the large room and she looked over the draugr that were waking up. Quickly putting the fragment away, she drew out her sword and readied her shield. There were a lot more enemies than in the previous chambers and they soon got in way over their heads with fighting them off, drifting away from each other little by little as they were attacked. Evy heard Farkas call her name in worry, when she found herself more and more overpowered. But he couldn't come to her aid as he already had his hands full. She was able to withstand the blow to her shield and pushed back the axe she had blocked with her sword but panic began to rise as she saw a warhammer coming down on her. Instinct took over in a flash and before she knew it a power she had never felt before surged through her as she heard herself shout "FUS!"

As if being pushed away by an invisible force, the three draugr that had been attacking her got thrown meters away, one of them even dying upon crashing in an unsightly position. She didn't know what had just happened but now was not the time to ponder over things. She took the opportunity it had created and slained the closest draugr before it even got completely back on his feet again. The last one was also easier to take down as she only had him to deal with this time. Her sword being faster than his warhammer, she was actually able to cut him in half when he had raised his weapon again. She then went to help Farkas with the last two enemies and when they finished them off, Farkas stared at her.

"What did you do back there? It was impressive!"

"I don't know. I just... I don't even know what I said."

"Maybe you actually are the Dragonborn!" He said with a grin

"Yeah right, look at me! I'm called whelp and shrimp on a daily basis, how could I be any Dragonborn material?" She laughed it off and he shrugged.

"I don't know. What I do know is that you yelled something and everything in front of you got blown away. It's no common shrimp or whelp that could do _that_!" he winked "Come on, there's usually some secret passage in these chambers, makes it faster to the exit" He said more seriously and they looked around for it. They found it in an empty coffin and made their way back to Whiterun and Jorrvaskr.

When they arrived, Vilkas was waiting at the top of the stairs, arms folded, and he eyed them both as if something was off. It was weird for her to see him after she had learned he was a werewolf. He was the same arrogant brute but Evy felt like she now saw him in a new light. Something was egging in the back of her mind as their eyes met but she couldn't quite put her finger on it yet. She didn't get to delve further because Farkas and her were arriving in front of him.

"We were awaiting your return." He told them, but particularly to her. She raised an eyebrow, not sure what he meant but he carried on "Follow me." Without further ado he turned and headed to the courtyard.

The young woman looked back at Farkas and he nodded with a warm smile, encouraging her silently to follow his brother and she did as told, for once. Upon arriving, she was surprised to see everyone of the Companions there, waiting for them just like Vilkas said. The two brothers were each side of her when she stopped and Kodlak came forward to speak.

"Brothers and Sisters of the Circle, today we welcome a new soul into our mortal fold..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't want to kill Torvar too much ;) But Vilkas did warn of what happen sometimes when he is drunk.


	6. Death Of Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas POV

That woman was going to be the death of him. First she tries to talk back at him when he clearly told her she _had_ to get out, didn't she have the slightest bit of self preservation? Then the next day she actually dares to sit at their table. Couldn't she say no to other people beside him!? After that he learns that she hadn't even realized she was already considered a part of the Companions! Was it because of him? She never listened to whatever he said when she should, why would she decide to listen to that one thing he said at the beginning and stick with it as if it applied to everyone else's opinion! Why _that_ of all things? And what was with his brother letting her go on an injured leg and just... How could he think it was a good idea to leave them _alone_ in his room!? How much of an icebrain could he be to think either of them would get out of there unscathed? That his wolf wouldn't break free and rip her to pieces! No, that's right, his wolf didn't want to kill her. After what had happened against the wall, he had come to this most dreadful conclusion. The reason she affected his wolf so much wasn't because the beast wanted to attack her, but because it wanted to _mate_ her! Even more reason to stay away from the whelp! For her own good and for his sanity. The wolf may want her and he may, perhaps, also want her... but he also still and most of all wanted to strangle her! And now that he didn't know what would happen if he succumbed to the urge of shoving her into a wall again, whether it ended up with kissing or strangling, he'd rather to not take the risk. And Farkas that just wouldn't stop making fun of them... He tried, he really tried, to ignore them all... But Torvar was giving such a bad explanation of what a Dragonborn was! What the hell 'he eat them'? Gods what a drunken idiot. And no one seemed to have or want to give a better explanation so he took it upon himself to enlighten the clueless pup. And after all she had made him go through, all the frustrations and headaches she had given him, she was still able to look cute, all puzzled with the 'shout' thing. Enough that he found himself smiling in amusement. On the other hand, what he didn't find amusing was the looks he saw Skjor and Aela exchange... What were they up to?

Days passed and he somehow managed to return to an almost normal behavior toward the whelp. It's just that if he wasn't careful enough, his mind could wander a bit too much and it ended up with him tensing up as he tried to control the damn beast inside of him. What didn't help was that she seemed oblivious to it all! Sure he preferred to act as if nothing had happened that night, as if that night had never happened all together. It was easier this way... but then why did it also irritate him that she actually was doing as he hoped, for once? That wasn't some innocent little kiss they had shared, he couldn't be the only one affected by this! But she appeared so unmoved when she looked at him... At least, that's what he believed until his eyes had caught hers staring and she had instantly looked away, her cheeks becoming a lovely shade of pink. Oh what an interesting reaction that was. Just like that night. So she wasn't that oblivious of him after all. That made him smirk, feeling that this new situation could actually have some fun to it in the end. After that, when there wasn't too much people around, he was able to hear how her heart wasn't beating as calmly as she made it look when he was near. Gradually he found himself wanting to see more of those reactions, of this awareness of his presence. And then she had almost crashed into him and he had found her cheeks quickly changing color. How could he not tease her? She had been away for two days and it had been too good a situation to let it pass. Fortunately, there had been some people around, if not he wouldn't have done it, lest it might have gotten out of hand. And her reaction did not fail his expectations. He did have to force himself to get away though, her scent had just been so appealing he had almost forgotten there was people around.

" _Really, she's going to be the death of me._ " That's the thought that came to his mind again, an arm around her as he was leading her down the stairs to the sleeping quarters, not trusting the level of soberness she claimed she had. They had been celebrating most of the night her becoming officially a Companion and he had decided he didn't want to let her by herself in the middle of a bunch of drunkards that were going to pass out any minutes anyway.

"I'm not drunk... I didn't have as much as Torvar" She stated and he rolled his eyes. That wasn't hard to achieve.

"Maybe, but I still won't let you with those drunken idiots" He growled and he felt her gaze on him. "What?" he asked flatly when she didn't say anything.

"Nothing... 's just... I was wondering if you were mad" She replied, and he stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking at her.

"What?"

"Well, since you don't think I'm worthy of being a Companion and I was accepted officially anyway... I thought you would be mad..." She shrugged and looked up at him again. He sighed.

"That was long ago. You did improve a lot since you came here..." The bright smile she gave him made him look away with a scowl. Gods she really was so defenseless sometimes.

"Wha... I knew you were mad after all!" He looked back at her and her smile had disappeared, replaced by an angry pout.

"I am not mad" He stated.

"Then why are you making that face!" She said, moving her hand as if she was going to poke his forehead. He caught it with his free hand before she could. Really, this woman...

"That's because..." Because her smile had made him want to embrace her. He certainly couldn't tell her that. She pouted more upon his silence.

"See? It _is_ because you are mad that my unworthy self got accepted!"

"That got nothing to do with it, whelp! You are worthy, ok? You're even a better warrior than some around here, so stop saying stupid things!" He finally admitted.

"If that is the case why are you still calling me whelp? Why don't you just admit that you dislike me?" He let out an exasperated sigh.

"Would I be helping you get to bed if I didn't like you?" Ah he shouldn't have said it like that. Knowing her, she was going to say something like 'I don't need your help anyway!' and fight to continue alone.

"Which bed?" He looked at her, a bit baffled.

"What?" He must not have heard her right... but her darkening cheeks said he had. And her embarrassed look said it must have slipped her lips without her approbation. Oh how he wanted to tease her right now... But It wasn't a good idea. She had drank too much. She didn't know what she was saying and it would be like taking advantage of her if things went too far. But he just had to be careful not to let it go too far, right? Anyway she would end up being mad and flustered, not hot and tempting so...

"And which bed did you think I was taking you to?" That was a safe enough teasing, wasn't it? He heard her heartbeat quicken and saw her eyes become as wide as a deer. Good, that was a good enough payback for daring to say such unexpected misleading things like 'Which bed?'.

"You..." She appeared to be at a loss of word for a moment, then her determined expression took over, even though she was still blushing furiously, which made the whole thing all the more interesting. But what she said next... "I don't know..." A playful smile crept up her lips as she carried on "you could have been tempted to pick up where we left off..." And she dared to glance down to his lips. His wolf growled and rattled but he shut him off. He had more important things to deal with right now. Like her actually trying to _flirt_ with him. He felt a smirk stretch his lips. Well, she didn't know what she was getting herself into...

"Oh? Could it be what _you_ were hoping for?"

"I never said that! And you're the one who kissed me if you remember correctly."

"I remember you kissed me back, quite passionately at that."

"That's because you were kissing me passionately!"

"You could have head-butted me if you didn't like it"

"Well yeah, maybe I could have, but..."

"But you kissed back instead. That's quite misleading, for someone who wouldn't like it."

"Is it?" There was something in her voice... something that was far from naive and innocent.

"And what if I kissed you now?" He asked in a low voice as he slightly tightened his arm around her, drawing their bodies closer, bringing them face to face. Oh how he liked the sharp intake of breath she took, showing her awareness of him. Just like the fast heartbeat he was hearing thumping in her chest. He let go of the hand he had still been holding to grab gently her chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it toward him. His silvery gaze trapped her emerald one and his thumb stroke her lips "Would you head-butt me?" he continued in a husky whisper, still looking into her eyes as he leaned over her parting lips. He saw no hostility in her eyes, only want, and without waiting any longer, he closed the gap between them, pulling her closer as he finally kissed her again. She didn't fight back in any way. On the contrary, she responded quite positively, pressing herself against him and wrapping her arms around his neck. At first, he didn't kiss her as passionately as last time, just in case, but soon it picked up in intensity as their needs increased. Even more when he smelled her arousal. His hands roamed her waist and hips for a moment before it grabbed her ass. It filled his hands perfectly and that made him groan hungrily as he pulled her to him a bit roughly, lifting her up moments later to pin her against the wall just a step away behind her. Her legs instantly wrapped themselves around his hips and he let out a groan again, pressing unconsciously his pelvis against hers as they were oh so well placed.

Gods how he wanted her! And her scent that was just so appealing! He broke the kiss to bury his nose in the crook of her neck and inhale more of this intoxicating smell of hers. Her hand slipped in his hair as she too buried her face in his neck, her lips pressing on his pulse. Just this simple gesture made his heart beat faster and he couldn't refrain from biting lightly her tender flesh. Letting out a sultry sigh, she leaned her head to the side so to give him better access and he moved his mouth to better taste her skin. More, he wanted more. He changed his grip on her so one of his hand could move freely. It traveled up, pressing onto her form so she could feel it through her clothes and gear as it moved on her firm ass, the side of her hip, her small waist, her ribs... His thumb met the curve of a breast encased in leather, what he would give for her armor to just disappear right now... but his hand continued it's way up and around the tempting mound, over her shoulder, up her neck and around, his fingers finally reaching the nape of her neck while his thumb stayed on her throat, caressing it, enticing her to tilt her head back as his mouth followed up her throat, kissing and nibbling, making her breathing more shaky. At last his lips came back just a mere inch away from hers and their hands pulled each other's head so their lips could meet again in a heated, voracious kiss. But it didn't satiate the hunger at all. In fact, it only increased his want of her, of tasting her, of feeling her... feeling her feverish skin under his roaming hands, feeling her tensing and shivering as he would explore her body, discover all those sensitive spots that would cloud her mind and make her moan his name. He wanted to make her loose herself, make her drown herself in pleasure while he would drown himself in her.

His eyes snapped open and he broke the kiss with a start as realization suddenly hit him. What the hell was he doing? He was supposed to be in control! To stop their 'flirting' before it got out of hand! Not get in her pants! And certainly _not_ in the hallway of the sleeping quarter! She was drunk, he was just taking advantage of her in that state. He was almost drunk too, but that didn't help the matter and certainly not excuse it! As he was mentally kicking himself for being so stupid, and battling in the meantime with his wolf again as it urged him on to make her his... she, on the other hand, began to frown. She must have realized what was happening because her frown turned into a scowl when he began to move in order to set her down. "Oh no you don't." She stated through gritted teeth, tightening her legs and arms around him as she glared at him. He sighed.

"This is not a good idea... if I don't stop now-"

"I will head-butt you so hard we'll both see stars" She cut off in a low snarl.

"Listen to me dammit! I am not the type to take advantage of a drunk girl! Do you even realize where this could lead?"

"In your room. In your bed. I am not drunk enough for you to have a bad conscience tomorrow. Now stop thinking and kiss me already!" And she crashed her lips on his. He tried to restrain himself, to not let go of his scarcely regained grip on the leash of his lustful demons... But the damn woman was just so... He growled and secured his hold of her to step away from the wall, making his way quickly toward his room.

"Stubborn woman... what am I gonna do with you..." He muttered angrily between kisses.

"I can think of a few things..." She whispered against his lips and he groaned, taking them again as he carried her inside his room, closing the door with his foot.

"You don't know what you've gotten yourself into" His teeth caught her earlobe and she sighed softly.

"I don't care... I want you." Oh how those three little words had the power to set his body on fire. He set her down and found her lips again, kissing her hungrily. But more than kissing, they wanted to touch each other and there were too many things in the way for that. Reluctantly, they stepped away from each other, just enough so their hands could make short work of taking off the other's gear. Once there was only their shirts and pants left he pulled her back onto him. He just couldn't get enough of her lips. Like driven by genuine but eager curiosity, her hands went to explore his broad chest and shoulders through his clothes. His hands, though, couldn't wait any longer and slipped under her shirt. It felt so soft against his calloused hands, like warming silk that would shiver under his touch. How would it feel, how would it taste under his lips? Would it shiver just as much? Or even more? He had never wanted a woman more than her, never wanted to explore every bit she would offer, discover all the reactions he could draw from her. Never before had he wanted to feel, to taste, to touch and be touched. He wanted her with a craving he could barely contain. But he would contain it, he had to. Even though she said she knew what was coming and even if he couldn't deny she truly wanted him, wanted this, her caresses were too passive, too innocent. He was still enough master of himself to be aware that this could be her first time, whether since her memory loss or before that too. He would not let his feral needs screw this up. But that didn't mean he wouldn't drown her in pleasure like he wanted...

His hands had continued there journey up, bringing her shirt with them and he ended up breaking the kiss to grab her shirt and pull it over her head, tossing it aside afterward. He took a small step back so he could look at her beauty and when her hands made a movement to hide her chest from his burning gaze, he caught them before they could reach their destination. "Don't hide. You're beautiful..." He whispered in her ear before nibbling the skin just below her it, earning a soft sigh from her as he felt her body relax more. He guided her hands to his shirt, encouraging her to pull it off. She too gazed at his chest and her hands went back to explore the newly discovered flesh. When her shyness appeared to have disappeared, he wrapped an arm around her and lowered his head to kiss a shoulder, letting his lips trail off along her collarbone. He couldn't help but nibble it and suck on the flesh while he spread his free hand on her hip, moving it up to explore in turn until it felt the beginning of a soft roundness. There was a small hitch in her breathing while he brushed his fingertips playfully along the seducing curve and it made him want to hear more, to make her small hitches turn into panting and sighs and then hear those sighs change into moans... He stroke the side of her breast, cupping it lightly as his thumb brushed near her nipple but not touching it yet. Again, a new hitch and her hands paused. His mouth finished the hickey on her collarbone and began to kiss it's way down between her supple mounds. A shaky breath escaped her lips as his own brushed her skin toward her other breast, tracing it's outline to go press a kiss on it's top. He let his thumb finally brush her nipple, then stroke it lightly as his mouth went to cover the other. Shivering, she leaned into his touch, the sultry sigh he had heard once before coming back to her lips. He sucked lightly and flicked his tongue on the hardening bud and the sigh returned again. At this point, her breathing wasn't the only thing shaking, he felt her legs weakening and he decided to stop for now, pulling away slightly in order to untie her pants. But the sudden loss of contact made her tighten her arms around his neck, her frown showing her reluctance to let him move away. That made him chuckle and he pecked her lips to ease her worry.

"Don't worry, we're far from finished." He whispered, his lips brushing hers "Just getting us into a more comfortable position. But before that..." he leaned over her ear as his hands caressed her hips and butt "Let's get you out of those pants." She nodded and he stole her a kiss. "Hang on to me" he told her since he didn't fully trust her legs. Once she was only in her briefs, she decided he would too and her hands went to undo his pants. That made him smile a little and he helped her before guiding her to the bed. He paused a moment before joining her, wanting to enjoy the sight of the beautiful woman laying on his bed, his eyes trailing over her lean body, up to her eyes that were also watching him intently... Gods how he wanted this woman. Without further delay, he approached her, like a predator with his prey, and he captured her mouth again in a passionate, lust filled kiss as one of his hand returned to tease her chest while the other supported his weight so he wouldn't crush her. She responded to the kiss, sighing in it as her hands went over his shoulders and around, caressing his back. When they broke for some air, his mouth moved under her chin, making her tilt her head back has he planted kisses down her throat. He liked how he could feel her small moan vibrate against his lips as he pinched a nipple, making her body startle from the new sensation. Oh how he was going to enjoy this... His mouth went on, still moving down, kissing and nibbling on it's way, until it reached her breasts to replace his hand as it made it's way down in turn. Upon touching the last piece of clothing she bore, his fingers slipped underneath it and were met with arousing wetness. Restraining an impatient growl, he held tightly on his self-control as he began to stroke her folds. He wouldn't let his wolf have his way, she deserved better. After a few strokes, he found the little bulge that made her body tense up just with the first touch of his finger. More... he wanted more of these reactions of hers, of these soft moans she was beginning to make... He bit her nipple, lightly, tentatively, and she tensed again, her nails grazing his back while she unconsciously moved toward his insatiable mouth. He continued his attentions, relentlessly sucking and biting her nipples while his hand stroke and teased her most intimate part until he had her panting and moaning louder. He then inserted a finger inside her, slowly, going further each time, little by little, until her body relaxed enough to add another finger, his thumb still stroking her clitoris. When he felt she was about ready, he moved slightly his fingers and she gasped in a mix of surprise and pleasure, arching her back a little as his thumb added more pressure in his stroking of the sensitive bud. His name escaped her lips and he smirked against her trembling skin.

"Hmm?" Was all he said as his fingers returned to their previous slow thrusting, ignoring as best he could the now painful erection he had. "Something the matter?" He blew playfully on her wet nipple, making her shiver.

"I... I want..." He chuckled and brought his head back to her level.

"Yes...?" He could see through her eyes how cloudy her mind had gotten and he smirked more, going to nip her earlobe softly. "Tell me what you want..." he whispered huskily as he slowed his fingers even more.

"I want you" She moaned and his wolf almost jumped out from those words. But he contained it. He would not let it control him.

"As you wish" When he felt she was ready, he removed his hand from her briefs to take them off and did the same with his before positioning himself at her entrance. He slowly pushed inside, groaning at her tightness around him even with the preparations. Like he did with his fingers, with each slow thrusts, he moved further inside, letting her time to adapt to his size little by little. He payed attention to her reactions for any signs of discomfort or pain, but for now she responded quite positively. He knew what was coming though, and when he felt she was relaxed enough, he gave one fast thrust and stopped when he felt he had broken through her hymen, making her tense up and dig her nails in his flesh as a small cry of pain escaped her lips. He lowered his head to kiss her in an attempt to distract her mind from her pain while one of his hand went to caress her body in a soothing gesture. It was hard to keep his lower half completely still, to wait while he was encased in her warmth, her walls even tighter around him from her tensing up... And his wolf that was raging inside, almost howling at him to take her completely. But he had brought her enough pain already, he would _not_ bring her more by succumbing to selfish desires. Slowly, ever so painfully slowly, he felt her relax again and he finally allowed himself to move carefully. She tensed slightly again under his movements, but soon the tension melted away and after a moment she began to moan again. He broke the kiss to press his lips down her neck, succumbing to the temptation of leaving another hickey on her creamy flesh, one that would not get hidden under her clothes. Slowly her body began to move sensually along his, meeting his thrust and, unconsciously, he began to pick up pace little by little, pushing deeper too as his control was running thin against the pleasure her tightness and her reactions were giving him. And then she said it again, his name, in a moan oh so sweet in his ears... His control slipped and his hips bucked before he could stop it, sheathing his length completely inside her, making her arch her back with a cry at the sudden movement, eyes wide and nails clenching down. He had frozen instantly, his hands gripping the sheets as his body was almost trembling in his effort to keep it from doing it again. They both stood still for a second, breathing hard, and she pulled him into another heated kiss. It took him everything he had to not loose control again.

"that..." She began breathlessly and he froze again. Had it been too much for her? Too rough? But then she added "again..." Oh for gods sake, this woman was just... He lifted himself more on his forearms so he could have a better look at her as he pulled out almost completely. He thrust back in, fast and hard, watching her as she arched her back again, gripping his shoulders and moaning loudly. How beautiful she was right now... surrendering herself to him, to the pleasure he was giving her. He lowered himself to kiss her, withdrawing again just to push right back in, drinking the moan on her lips, tasting it as her body pressed against him.

"Like this?" he asked against her lips and she nodded, burying her hands in his hair.

"Yeah..." she said between kisses. "like tha-AH!" she screamed as he had slammed back in her. He took on this new pace, making her moans turn into screams that he muffled with his kisses. It felt so good... her reactions, her cries of pleasure, the way her breasts pressed against his hard chest, the way she took him, hot, tight and wet as he filled her... At this rate, he wasn't going to last long. And feeling how her walls clamped more and more around him, she was near too. As if driven by a surge of possessiveness, he let go off her lips and buried his face in the crook of her neck, biting down on her shoulder, marking her as his while a last powerful thrust brought them over the edge, releasing the electrifying tension that had been building up in their bodies.

He stayed like that for a moment, motionless, his face buried in her neck as he kept his weight from crushing her. And then after a while he pulled out to roll on the side. The movement seemed to draw her from the blissful numbness she had just been in and she looked at him through sleepy eyes. Without a word he extended his arm to bring her against him and she happily settled in his embrace, resting her head on his chest as he pulled a fur over them, his arms wrapping themselves around her afterward. He heard her let out a contented sigh before her breathing evened. He watched her sleep for a while and tightened his arms around her as he placed a kiss on top of her head.

"Sleep well" He whispered before he too fell asleep, nuzzling softly in her hair as he breathed the smell of sunshine and spring, with a bit of sweat. A smell that now also had a little bit of _his_ scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuuu! That one gave me a hard time to write! Or more like I rewrote some parts quite a few times too many... And even now I'm still not sure if the smut scene is ok as it is :/ I think it is... Anyway. I hope you liked it! That's what matters XD
> 
> Neeeext up: the freaking out of sobered up minds~ ... and the beginning of the "hurt/comfort" part...


	7. Hardships Never Comes Alone

***Evelianna***

  
Warmness, she was surrounded in comfortable, firm, warmness... firm? Her eyes slowly opened, blinking a few times before setting on a chest. A male bare chest. " _what the..._ " She blinked again and as the chest, and the rest of the limbs attached to it, began to stir with a groan, she lifted her gaze to meet half-closed icy blue eyes... Dots began to connect as she stared into those eyes, eyes that she now remembered got more silverish when they were filled with burning lust. Memories came rushing back to her and she watched him as he finally moved, raising a hand to rub his face while he sighed heavily.

"By the divines, if you tell me you were too drunk to remember, I promise I really will strangle you" He muttered, to her or to himself, she did not know but she blushed all the same.

"N-no I remember..." She said, finding out that her voice was a bit hoarse, surely from all the... Gods, this was embarrassing! An eye peered down at her from under his hand but she couldn't make out his expression.

"Good..." He seemed about to add something, but he stayed silent and sighed again. Rubbing his face some more before running his hand through his hair. He looked back at her, a hint of concern in the depth of his eyes. "How are you feeling?" She lifted her eyebrows in slight surprise and he grunted, almost exasperatingly. "That was your first time wasn't it?" She thought she almost saw a shade of pink grace his cheeks. But after she blinked, there was none. The redness of _her_ cheeks, on the other hand, must have extended over her entire face. Gods what had she been thinking!? Wasted or not, she had almost _jumped_ on him! And it was her first time too! Not that she regretted it or anything, no, quite the opposite she had loved it! And he had been so... but ooh what he must think of her now! Maybe he saw her as an easy girl or something. No... it was her first time after all, so maybe not to that extent but still... " _Maybe some lustful-_ " her train of thoughts was interrupted when she felt a hand grab her chin and tilt it up, just like the previous night. She looked up and his eyes trapped hers, staring into them as if they were searching something.

"Are you ok?" He asked again and she nodded slightly.

"Yeah, I think" She replied but he didn't release her gaze, as if he was still searching for something.

"Are you regretting?" He asked hesitantly after a moment.

"... No." Although she did regret almost jumping on him and kind of fighting with his stubborn self so he would stop being reasonable and just bring her to bed... She heard him sigh and she wasn't quite sure if it was a relieved one or not... "And hum... are you?" She asked in turn.

He was about to say something but his eyes fell down on her shoulder, near her neck, and she wondered what he was looking at. She did remember somewhat of a pleasurable pain that had shot in her shoulder around that place, but she had been kind of... coming, at that time, so the rest was a bit cloudy to say the least. The man beside her began to move away and she watched him slip out of bed, still silent. Her eyes widened upon seeing his nudity, but she didn't look away and just sat up, keeping the fur against her naked body while she watched him put some clothes on, his back to her. She wanted to ask if something was the matter, but she was beginning to fear his answer. Was he disgusted of her? Since she said she didn't regret it... Or maybe disgusted of them both for letting this happen. He did try to stop at the beginning... But before she could muster the courage to ask, he finally spoke.

"I don't know." Was all he said and for a moment she didn't understand what he meant. Putting his shirt on, he turned to look at her. He must have seen her confusion because he clarified his previous words. "I don't know if I regret it or not. In fact, I'm not even sure you do either." This felt like a punch in the stomach and she just stared at him as he just looked away. Great! Now he couldn't even look her in the face! "I'll go up ahead... You can take you're time." He seemed to want to add something again, but never did. Instead he just left the room, closing the door behind him and she stared at it for a while.

"What do you mean 'you don't know'!?" She finally snapped at the closed door, long after he had gone. She so wanted to scream right now! What the heck was going on? He had been so caring the other night, so gentle when she hadn't even thought about whether or not she was a virgin. But he had thought of it, he had made sure it wouldn't hurt too much or too long. He had also been passionate and oh just thinking about it made her body heat up and tingle. And when they embraced each other, she had realized how good it felt in his arms, just hugging her, protecting her. Nothing had ever felt so right than at that moment and she had wished it could stay like that forever. And now... Now he... He had just reverted back to the infuriating man she knew! Why!? What happened? What did she do that would make him regret? Oh no, that's right, he 'didn't know if he regretted it or not'! Gods how could she have even considered wanting to stay in his arms!? She pulled her knees up and hugged them as she buried her face in the black fur that covered them. As she took a deep breath to try and calm herself, she picked up his smell on the soft fur and tears began to prickle her eyes, but she tried to push them away. She would not cry because of this. There was no reason to cry. They were drunk, they shared a night together and morning came, with sobered clarity and dreadful realization. But even then, he had still been acting like a caring lover, asking with obvious concern if she was alright. His first words came back to her mind too. He didn't want her to have forgotten their night at that time. Then why did he regret it? Wouldn't he want her to forget if he thought of it as a mistake? She grunted, feeling more and more confused. Couldn't he just make up his mind? " _Argh just let him be damned!_ " If he wanted to regret it, that was his problem! She, on the other hand, wouldn't let regret tarnish the beautiful, hot, passionate, good memories of that night. It would become a one night thing and they would carry on interacting with each other as if it never happened, just like that first kiss.

Or so she tried to convince herself. But when she had finally carried herself to have breakfast in the mead hall, her eyes met his and she just froze. Great. How was she supposed to act again? He looked her over with a small hint of concern seeming to flicker in his eyes, but it was gone before she could ascertain its existence. Again, his gaze seemed to look at her neck and she saw his eyes darken before they lowered on the plate in front of him. What the hell was with him and her neck? She took a mental note to try looking at it when she would have the time... alone if possible. She saw Farkas who was smiling at her and like always he waved her over. The young woman was tempted to but he was sitting with his brother and right now, she didn't think she had the strength to sit near him and be able to contain her emotions. Whether it was her anger or her pain. Wherever the latter came from, she did not know and she didn't want to know. She preferred to just be angry at his confusing behavior. She smiled apologetically to him and shook her head, going in the opposite direction. Fortunately, the moment she averted her eyes, they were caught by Aela's who was looking at her with a friendly smile so she went to see her, acting as if she had already decided to do so before Farkas had invited her to their table. And it seemed the huntress wanted to talk to her, so all the better.

***Vilkas***

The twins watched as the newest official member of the Companions went to sit with Aela, at the other side of the room, and Farkas turned to his brother.

"What did you do to her this time?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow and the brooding man just scolded.

"What do you mean 'this time'? And why would her choosing Aela's company over yours have anything to do with me?"

"First, her acting like that is nearly _always_ because of you. Second, she likes my company, it's yours she's avoiding. Though... I thought your relationship had improved these last weeks." He leaned toward him and continued in a hushed tone "Not to mention what happened last night. So really, what did you do? I can't imagine you were _that_ bad." He finished with a smirk and Vilkas just stared at him with wide eyes.

"Wha..." he recovered from his surprise and changed the question he had nearly asked. "What are you talking about?" He almost didn't want to know the answer.

"Well, I saw you last night you know... When you said you were taking her to bed, I didn't think you would actually dare to take her to yours!" He said, widening his eyes in a dramatic fashion though mischief was apparent in them. He still made sure to talk in a low voice so others wouldn't hear.

"I didn't know my brother was such a peeping tom" He growled back and Farkas' smile just became wider.

"It's not like I wanted to. I was going to bed and you were making out on the wall beside the stairs! You must have been quite into it to not notice my presence in the middle of the staircase" He chuckled.

"Why didn't you go on to bed!? It's not like you would be embarrassed to pass by people kissing." Dammit that was embarrassing and irritating. If only he had just walked on...

"I didn't want to interrupt you two. I wouldn't have been embarrassed but she, on the other hand, might have" He shrugged.

"I would have preferred you interrupt and she got embarrassed than you just letting me... gods why didn't you stop me!?" If he had, he wouldn't be feeling like a jerk. He had told her he didn't know if he regretted it and that was partly true. He had liked their night together, more than that, he would have wanted to keep her in his arms, always... But that mark, that damn mark he had selfishly put on her! She _wasn't_ his mate. How could he loose control to the point of marking her as his when she wasn't! And she would never be. He was a cursed man. One that needed to be constantly on his guard as to not let his wolf out if he was to feel too strong an emotion. And he had just gone and lost control by marking her like his wolf wanted! Gods he was such an idiot! And so he preferred to stay away from her as much as possible for the time being. As long as she had those hickeys and bite marks, he didn't know if he would be able to contain himself. Just this morning he had wanted so much to kiss her! Even just a simple, good morning kiss... What was that!? That's what _lovers_ do! And they were not! He was pulled out of his thoughts by his brother's reply.

"Why should I have stopped you?" He scoffed "As if I'd ever voluntarily do something that would hinder my brother's love life"

"Lo-" He couldn't even repeat it, he just stared at him, dumbfounded, and then "Where the hell did _that_ come from!?" He had been able to keep his voice down until then, but the unexpected statement had him snap back at him so loudly that even the person concerned in the opposite corner had looked at them.

***Evelianna***

The loud outburst had made the young woman turn her head toward Vilkas. He seemed angry about something his brother had said and with something resembling "Have you gone out of your right mind!?" He had just stormed off. What could Farkas have possibly told him?

"So?" Aela's voice brought them back to the discussion at hand and the two women looked back at each other. "Are you interested? It might even give you the time to put in order whatever's on your mind... Even if it shouldn't be too hard to take the beast down I guess."

"Yeah thanks." She smiled thankfully "I really could take some time alone to think things through."

"Just don't let it distract you when the time comes. I wouldn't want the wolf to get you because your mind was too caught up by something else." The huntress advised and Evy smiled faintly at that, her words making her think of another wolf... Then Aela's eyes fell on her neck and the girl blinked. Really, what could there be on her neck for everyone to always stare at it? She didn't trust the smirk that slowly stretched the huntress' lips. "But... I suppose you've already been caught by a 'wolf' huh?"

"What are talking about?" She almost stuttered, feeling her cheeks burning up. Damn those traitors. Aela just laughed.

"Oh please! With the hickey on your neck and his smell blending with yours, it's not hard to understand what happened." She laughed again and the young woman just felt more and more embarrassed.

"A-anyway... I should go get prepared." She said, standing up.

"Yeah you do that. Have fun." The huntress replied, smiling.

Evy just nodded and went to her room to pack for her mission. Her first mission alone since that time when Vilkas had just yelled at her for being 'stupid, reckless and foolish'... Well, this time would be different. It was just taking care of a wolf that had entered the smith's house in Riverwood, gods only knew how... Oh well, she didn't mind. It would allow her some time away from an infuriating man and she would be able to see Hadvar again if he was still there.

Like Aela said, the wolf wasn't that hard to deal with and she spent the rest of the afternoon and evening with Hadvar and his family. She stayed in Riverwood for the night and headed back to Jorrvaskr the next morning. But even after her time alone, she still didn't have a clue about anything concerning Vilkas, neither what to think about his behavior or how she should act in front of him. And she didn't even want to begin thinking about what she felt for him! It was easier to just be irritated like before and to flee the problem by going on missions, alone or not, than to face the mess the Vilkas case had become in her head. To say the truth, by the time the marks on her neck and shoulder disappeared, he did seem like he had wanted to discuss it with her... But at this point, when they found themselves alone for the first time since that night, she just didn't want to listen anymore.

"Look, about what happened..." He had begun, uncertainty in his voice.

"No. Stop." She cut him off. "We were both responsible for what happened. But if you want to regret it, go ahead, that's your problem and I can't stop you from thinking what you want."

"Just listen to me I just want to explain-"

"No! I don't want to know why anymore! It won't change what happened and it could mess even more whatever relationship we have. It won't happen again anyway, so let it stay where it is: in the past. A one night stand of two drunk idiots. Ok?" She sighed, lowering her head as she fought back the tears "I'm tired of this Vilkas... I just want this stupid situation to end." There was silence for a moment and she caught the movement of a hand reaching toward her, but he never touched her, he just withdrew his hand that was now clenched in a fist.

"I understand. Let's just... Try to forget it and act normal again... without going back to our first interactions if possible" He said with the faintest of smile that brought her one too.

"Yeah..." And she couldn't help but add "After all, now I have the skills to kick your butt if you get too much on my nerves." He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms at what she said. She preferred that kind of interaction. It was still awkward but picking a fight, even a friendly one, was better than just avoiding each other.

"Oh really?" He uttered, ready to take on the challenge. But before he could say anything else, they got interrupted by Ria who was searching for Evy. They were supposed to go on a mission together.

"Well... I'd better go..." She said with a weak smile and he nodded.

It took almost a month before they could actually speak properly with each other, never about the subject they were now both avoiding, but still they were beginning to somewhat loosen up around each other. Anyway, they both lived under the same roof, they couldn't just keep on running the other way whenever they had the chance.

In the meantime, she had heard that some people named the Greybeards had called for her to go meet them. She didn't quite understand, but it had something to do with the Dragonborn thing and if it could finally tell her if she was that Dragonborn or not, she would gladly go see them. After asking around a bit about them and where they lived, she decided to wait a little. It seemed that the way up to them was long, cold, tiring and filled with wild beasts and even trolls. She wasn't too much worried about the wild beasts, but she preferred to wait and stuck up on better equipment and potions before going.

Well, that was... unexpected. Even after hearing others call her Dragonborn when she killed dragons, three at that point, she still hadn't really believed it. And the old men almost didn't believe it too at first since she couldn't shout when they had asked her too. How the hell was she supposed to know how to shout when the only time she had been able to do it, she didn't even know it was that! Not to mention it had only happened because her instinct had took over before she would get killed. The old man that spoke for the Greybeards had appeared so condescending when she had been unable to shout that it ticked her off. So, they made her come all the way up a huge mountain, through wind and snow and almost unnoticeable unsteady steps, fighting against bears and saber cats and whatnot. Even a damn troll! All of that to then tell her how disappointed they were that she didn't turn up to be what they were expecting. Why those damn old geezers... They didn't even try to explain to her how to do it, as if it would just be a waste of their precious meditating time! Well of course! One would obviously know how to use the 'gift' that comes with being the real thing... Even if they don't even know they are! Riiiight, after all even babies instantly know how to walk _since they were born with feet_! She was so mad at them as they were just going back to their things with that whole disappointment atmosphere, that when the speaking one told her to just go home, she actually was able to shout at him. After that they finally tried to understand what she had told them, that she had no clue how she did it. And of course came the wise words of "Do not worry, it is not uncommon."... Then why the hell did they...

" _Oh just forget it. Getting anymore angry again won't change anything anyway._ " She thought with a tired sigh as she walked down the road leading to Whiterun. She was finally coming back to the place she considered the most like her home. The old geezers, she still called them so for the time being, had given her a mission to go retrieve the horn of some guy in nordic ruins... At least she was able to deal with those places better than her first time. But it seemed like they were always up for a surprise as the horn had been stolen before she got there... and the thief had left a note for her. How many times was she going to go through stupid tests and trials before people would be satisfied? For the Companions, it was ok, it was needed and she did see two or three haughty milkdrinkers barging in as if their guild should be honored and grateful their great self wanted to join them. Idiotic pompous weaklings. Well, she did enjoy the show as Vilkas took care of them. But then, there's the "Prove to me you're the Dragonborn" that always had a hint of "that you call yourself to be". Why did it always sound like she was 'assuming something there was no way she could be'? " _Arf whatever. Delphine did accept that I was the Dragonborn in the end._ " It had needed a fight with a dragon for that, but she did convince her she was the real thing. Then she had to go on with the long ascension to see the old geezers so they could get their horn, and back the mountain again! At least this time it was to go home. She did hope the old men wouldn't call her too often or she would have to ask if there wasn't some teleportation shout of some sort. After all she was surely nearing a month since she left Jorrvaskr, or maybe more? Unfortunately at some point she had lost count of the days.

Now, at last, she was about a day of walk from Whiterun. Oh how she missed everyone! She did send them letters when she could, like she had promised Farkas and Ria. That way they wouldn't worry too much since no one knew how long the whole thing would take. But she rarely received letters back, as she was always on the move. She looked at the red hues that tainted the sky as the sun was setting and she decided she should start looking for a place to camp. The thought made her sigh. She was so tired with the past few days of walking, camping, fighting with wild beasts and bandits... At least she had been able to buy some potions and provisions when she had passed villages in her travels, but now, she was running low on them as she was nearing the end of her journey. So now, she was just plain tired and eager to return to Jorrvaskr. That must have been why she didn't sense the threat coming from behind her until pain shot from the back of head, the hit knocking her out successfully.

It's another kind of pain that snapped her back to consciousness with a cry. It was night, but a fire shed some lights on two sneering figures above her. The pain that had woken her still hadn't subsided, on the contrary, it was just coming back, again and again as if it was tearing her apart and she instantly realized it came from the man between her legs. She began to struggle in an attempt to push him away, to fight back as hard as she could, but her wrists got caught by the second man just after she had been able to land a punch on the pig's face. She got hit back but she continued to protest, insult and scream at them as she struggled against the filthy hands that pinned her down. It only made them laugh more while panic and pain just kept on rising more and more in her until... "FUS!" and the laughter disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, the beginning didn't come out like I first pictured it, but it fitted better in my opinion so I left it like that. As for the rest... Please don't hate me? I am a fervent supporter of happy endings and it will (eventually...) get better. It is why it's called "Hurt/comfort" and not drama or tragedy... It might not get better as fast as my romance freak side would like, but it will. It's just that I have a tiny bit of an evil side too. Sorry.
> 
> And now, on with mentally/emotionally torturing Vilkas for being such an idiot at first.
> 
> (Oh, while I'm at it, was the "old geezers" thing too much? I found it amusing, but now that I think about it maybe it isn't?)


	8. So Close, So Far

***Evelianna***

  
Heart thumping, hard breathing and branches snapping under her bare feet. Those were the only sound filling her ears as she was running as fast as she could through the forest. Her head was hurting, so were her feet, but not as much as the pain between her legs. The panic still clouded her mind, fear and adrenaline were the only things keeping her from falling at the moment. It also kept her rationality out of order. If not she would have realized she could actually allow herself to stop and put on her boots which she was clenching in one hand, the other gripping onto her sword. The only thing she had put back on correctly after she had been released was her pants that had still been hanging on one of her ankles, by chance the belts of her armor hadn't all been undone yet, enough to keep it loosely on her. She didn't even take the time to fasten the belt hanging from two straps of her pants, she almost didn't even acknowledge it. The shout had thrown the two pigs away from her and crashing against some trees. She didn't take the time to check if they were still a danger, knocked out or even dead. She had just instantly got on her feet, pulled on her pants, stumbled on her boots and saw her sword just beside them. It was the only reason why she had them, otherwise, she would have just run off without even thinking to grab her things. All she thought about was to run. Run as fast as she could and as far as she could before her assailants could catch her...

She felt like she had been running for what seemed like an eternity, as if trapped in a nightmare she couldn't pull out from, always running in this forest that seemed to have no end. But she couldn't stop or they would catch her. She felt them, just behind her. If she was to rest or even let her guard down for even a second, they would catch her. So she kept on running. And then, hands grabbed her arms and she found herself laying on the forest's ground, trying to struggle against the enemy that had grabbed her but something was hindering her movements. The hands that were grabbing her tightened, shaking her more firmly and her eyes snapped open. The hands released her as she was jumping back, scrambling in a sitting position while backing away until her back hit something and she stared at a man's dimly-lit smirking face. But he wasn't moving, he was just looking at her with a worried face... worried face? But he was smirking... No. The mouth wasn't smirking. And the face wasn't in the dark. In fact, it wasn't even in a forest, but in a room and it wasn't a man's face either. She recognized this room, just as she now recognized the face still looking at her worriedly.

"Evelianna? Are you ok dear?"

"Ah... Y-yes..." She cleared her throat "Sorry Tilma, I'm ok, don't worry."

"Are you sure? You looked quite distressed just now."

"Yeah sorry about that, I was just having a bad dream..."

"And an evil one at that, seeing how you were stirring in your sleep... Maybe you should change into something more comfortable, perhaps it will help you sleep better. You didn't even take off your boots! Hmm... A bath might help too. Your body will surely be more relaxed if you wash all that dirt away." She stroke her cheek in a motherly gesture. "Just look at this, one wouldn't even think you have such a beautiful skin under all this grime."

"Yeah... you might be right..."

"Of course I am child" She smiled softly "how can you feel at ease in this state. Now, now. Just take off all these uncomfortable gear while I go prepare you a bath. Every one is upstairs eating so you won't be bothered." She stood up from her bending position "They sure were all surprised when they woke up and saw you just sound asleep on your cot! No one dared to wake you up. Though I'm not sure even a mammoth passing in the hallway would have woken you up." She chuckled "Enough chatting now, I'll go prepare your bath and then go make you something to eat. Otherwise by the time you come up there won't be anything left for you to eat! When you're done with your equipment, just go straight in the bath ok?"

"Thanks Tilma, I really appreciate it."

"It's nothing dear" And with that she left the young woman alone.

She sighed and rubbed her face. Gosh, what a nightmare. And it had been so real... she had just relived the night of her assault. Though the nightmare never allowed her to find the end of the forest and the blessed sight of Whiterun in view. She actually had been able to reach the city and Jorrvaskr. The unending forest had only been in the nightmare... She moved to get out of bed and winced as pain shot through different places, the worst of all being between her legs. If only that part could have been just another part of her nightmare too... She fought back the memories and the tears. The worst pain of all was inside and unfortunately not something any healing potions could mend. Healing potions... " _Right, focus on solutions, on things you could or should do, Evy. Do not let your mind wander._ " Her eyes skimming around her close surroundings, she found one on a small table near. She had no idea to who it belonged and she didn't give a damn right now. Her pain inside might not be something that could disappear but if she could make the physical ones disappear, it might help her forget for at least a minute how defiled she felt... Maybe she could even forget her internal pain for a second... Ignoring her body's complaints, she carried herself to the potion and drank it, almost choking on it from drinking too fast. She just wanted the pain to vanish, the faster the better. She carefully sat back down on her cot and sighed in relief as she felt the potion begin to work its miracles...

When she finally didn't feel her wounds anymore, her mind got clearer and she looked at herself. Right... When she had arrived, dawn was about to break and her body was screaming for some rest so she just collapsed on her cot, not even taking off her gear and all, for what was left of it anyway... On the other hand, she was realizing now that when she had woken, she had a fur laying on her she did not recall pulling over. Maybe someone had layed it on her while she was asleep? After all, her sword was leaning against her small table, although she somewhat remember it had slipped out of her grasp upon arriving to her bed. Was it Tilma? Ria wasn't the type to do things like that. Even if they were friends, it wasn't to that extent. And any of the others were even less plausible. Whatever... Right now she just wanted to take the bath Tilma had talked about. She felt so dirty... Even after the pain had subsided, the feeling of her body having been tainted didn't go away. Maybe it would after she took a bath? Anyway she did need to wash all the dust and grime from her traveling... And since she didn't feel she had the strength to see the others yet, it would allow her to delay things a bit more. With this in mind, she stood up again and began to take off her gear, only remaining in her shirt and pants. Taking a towel and a set of clean clothes, she headed out toward the bath room. That's when she saw him, just standing still near the staircase, and she froze as their eyes met. Of all the people here, the one she didn't want to see right now, was _him_.

**  
*Vilkas***

_**  
A few hours earlier...** _

 

"And _I'm_ the one they call Icebrain? What were you thinking!? She already knew what you were and she still slept with you! And she even told you she didn't regret it! Why did you back out!?"

"The problem isn't who I am as much as what I could do if I were to loose control!" Gods, why did he accept to actually tell his brother what had happened? They had been away from Jorrvaskr for two days and were now on their way back and Farkas had decided to take this opportunity to pry into the matter concerning him and Evelianna. Apparently, his twin was sick of his brooding tendency, even more apparent as the days went by without any signs of the girl... Or so Farkas said... He didn't think he was brooding to that extent though.

"I don't see where's the problem either. If she knows about it and she sees you're about to loose control, she would obviously try to help you calm down, not make things worse! She's stubborn but not to the point of facing your wolf. And two being careful is better than one neh?" Vilkas didn't think it was that easy. His brother should know better too. "Really, I think you're just scared out of your wits to let this girl into your heart... Even if it's too late anyway." Farkas stated and Vilkas glared at him.

"Me? Scared? That got nothing to do with this. And how could I possibly fall in love with such a prideful infuriating woman?"

"You're not really one to talk about pride you know... And I'm sure she finds you just as infuriating, though I think you both mistake the 'I want to strangle that person' frustration with 'I want to kiss that person so badly' frustration." And he dared to laugh!

"What kind of argument is that! How does wanting to strangle someone equals to love!? That would be a really sick way to express it you oaf!"

"It's not expression of love, it's proof of a lovesick's denial. By the way, what's your reaction when you see Athis and Njada get into a fist fight?"

"That they should just find a bed and get this over with? ... That's a totally different story! And besides I already slept with her and things just got worse!"

"That's because you still lie to yourself. And to her."

"I am not in love with her." He growled stubbornly

"Brother... You almost have to force yourself not to stare at her whenever she is around." He continued on, not letting him a chance to protest. "You nearly go crazy from worry the moment she's late from missions and you _were_ close to going berserk when Aela and Skor talked about making her member of the Circle. Not to mention since that night you look miserable when you're left in your thoughts too long, even more since she left. It's a wonder even Torvar don't know you're in love with each other!" Burst the twin, seeming totally exasperated. There was silence for a second or two after his tirade.

"I don't stare at her that much! And of course I'd be mad at them for thinking of giving the beast blood to someone, to _anyone_! And... Who said she's in love with me!?" Farkas just stared at him as if he had grown a second head.

"And this brings me back to what I was saying: why am I the one called icebrain? Or maybe you're just blind?" Vilkas rolled his eyes.

"Of course I know she was attracted to me before, I'm not stupid."

"The fact that you talk in past tense makes me wonder." He said dryly. Really, since when was Farkas like that? Did it really get that much on his nerve that Evelianna and him weren't together? But they couldn't.

"You're the blind one then! Didn't you see how she was just avoiding me like the plague after that night? And after that, when I tried to explain to her, she just didn't want to know! It was like she didn't even care as long as this whole mess ended."

"First you were avoiding her too and may I remind you that you told her you regretted it!? Of course she wouldn't want to be near the man that hurt her!"

"Wha... You sound just like her now! I said that I didn't know, not that I regretted it."

"I don't know if there's a difference in there only smart people can see, but for me it sounds the same. So you tell me, if she had said to you 'I don't know if I regret it' what would you have thought?" At that he stayed silent for a while. Then realization hit him and he stopped walking for a second. If she had said that to him, he certainly would have pondered on what the hell made her hesitate. Not knowing, meant there was something that brought regret, enough to hesitate on the answer. So one would come to the conclusion that not knowing meant actually regretting... If their situations had been reversed... He didn't even want to picture it!

"And he finally sees the lights!"

"But... If she had let me _explain_ to her, maybe it would have turned up differently!"

"Right... since when are you one to do as you're told?"

"Oh no. You should have seen her. It was like I was twisting a blade in a wound. I just couldn't bring myself to cause her any more pain because of my selfishness..." He sighed, feeling dejected "Never thought that's what I was doing anyway." She most certainly thought of him as some jerk now... He did feel like one right now.

"Maybe it's not too late?" His brother said, putting a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to offer him some support. "You could still talk to her when she comes back. Or if you like, I can go talk to her for you" He finished with a grin.

"What kind of man would I be if I let you do that!? No. I'll talk to her. I'll explain everything to her and we'll just see what comes out of it. But if I hurt her even more than I already have because of your stupid meddling, be warn I might actually go berserk on you."

"And he says he's not in love..." He mocked.

"Shut up." He growled "Anyway, that's just when she actually deigns to show up. I'm beginning to think she'll just never come back" A sigh escaped his lips again.

"Well... Her last letter did say she was finally coming back. I guess she should be arriving to Jorrvaskr around these days. Maybe she's even there right now." He was grinning and Vilkas just stared at him.

"Why didn't you say so before!"

"Because you were going to drive me crazy if she wasn't back at the time you expected her to be. And she didn't even give a precise date. Just that she should be back by the end of the week."

Unconsciously, Vilkas picked up pace and his brother just made fun of him some more. How he preferred his brother when he was just dim-witted... Well, he did help him face things he didn't want to admit... Ok, he still didn't want to, but he couldn't ignore the fact that he might actually have feelings for her. He couldn't anymore. This whole month had been a damn pain for him, always searching unconsciously for the girl and then getting irritated when he would realize what he was doing. It appeared that damn woman had found a way to get under his skin... And she just wouldn't get out! Gods he really needed to talk with her and make everything clear. He just hoped he wasn't too late.

When they reached Jorrvaskr it was around noon and she wasn't in the mead hall. Feeling a bit disappointed but not showing it, he had gone to his room to put down his stuff and take off his heavy armor. He was starving so he decided to go back upstairs and eat something with everyone. As he was walking passed the shared sleeping quarters, he caught on her smell and froze. There was another scent blending with hers. The stench of a man. Turning slowly, he saw her exiting the shared bedrooms and she too stopped dead in track when she saw him. She blinked and then she looked away from him.

"Hi hum... sorry, I'll just..." He could barely contain the anger rising in him. She looked as if she wanted to avoid him and she actually dared to go around him and try to just walk on toward the bath room! Oh no she wouldn't! He went after her and before she could reach the door, he grabbed her wrist and pulled so she would face him. She tried to fight back with her free hand but he grabbed her second wrist and slammed her against the wall beside the door leading to the baths.

"Let go of me!"

"Not before you tell me who it is!" He snapped back. She had slept with another man! She had been away for a whole month! Almost never having time to write them letters to reassure them she was alright. But she had found the time to fuck with other men!? He was furious beyond reasoning, to the point he didn't even think about controlling his wolf who was snarling as much as him and scratching at his inside to get out, making his eyes begin to shine gold.

"I don't know what you're talking about! Let go of me!" She was struggling like crazy, eyes closed, and her fighting seeming more and more panicky... If he had been himself, he would have noticed it wasn't her normal angry fight-backs. But he was beyond himself right now. "Get away from me!"

And then he caught a glimpse of something glistening on her cheeks and he realized it was tears, tears that had begun to run down her cheeks. That's when he caught on the smell of fear. Pure _fear_. Of him. He regained consciousness of his actions and let go of her, almost jumping away from her as if she had burned him.

"I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean... to... " He was so taken aback, so ashamed of what he had just done, that he was at a loss of words.

"Don't you... Ever... do that again. Ever!" She had said, glaring at him through tears and she just ran into the bath room, slamming the door behind her and locking it.

Gods... What had he done?

***Evelianna***

  
Why? Why had Vilkas... Why did they have to meet at that time of all time? Why did he do that? Even in the warm water her body was still trembling from the memories his actions had brought back. Why of all things did he have to do that? And his sudden rage... She didn't think she had ever seen him so furious before. No, maybe that time after he had tended to her wounds... But that time, she could understand where his anger came from, she had somehow sensed it and had known there would be some outburst from him... But what was that just now? And what did he mean 'who it is'? She didn't understand. She didn't understand at all and right now she was in no state to deal with something like that, mentally and emotionally. Her tears hadn't stopped, she hadn't even realized she was crying until a sob had caught in her throat. She tried to concentrate her mind on cleaning herself, the feeling of being dirty beyond the dust of the road still clenching her, to the point of making her feel sick. She rubbed, and washed herself over and over again until she couldn't wash any more grime. The only remaining was the one she felt inside, as if it was on her very soul. To that was added the shame. Shame that it happened. Shame that she had let it happen. Shame to call herself a Companion that came to the aid of people who hadn't the strength to solve their problems themselves... How could she assume such title if she couldn't even prevent such a thing to happen to her!? Again, tears welled up in her eyes but she fought them back. She felt weak enough as it was, crying again would just make her feel worse. She was a Companion, she was supposed to be strong dammit! But she was mentally too weak right now to pull herself away from the dark clouds that was obscuring her mind.

Her thoughts had drifted toward the Companions and the 'what ifs'. What if they learned what had happened to her? What if they didn't think her worthy of being a Companion anymore? Well, that bitch Njada would be glad wouldn't she... What if Vilkas of all people learned of it? His previous question sprang to her mind and suddenly a new fear tightened around her heart. What if he already knew? Maybe that's what he was asking about... But how would he have known? It's not like it was visually obvious! Or so she hoped... But maybe like when she had slept with him, there was some mark of some sort that she hadn't seen yet... _"Oh please! With the hickey on your neck and his smell blending with yours, it's not hard to understand what happened."_ Had said Aela to her the day after it happened. Later Ria had pried too, asking who had left the hickey on her neck, but she hadn't made any assumption about it being Vilkas... _"and his smell blending with yours"_ those words kept ringing in her head. She forced herself to get out of the bath and reached for the towel, carrying on with her train of thoughts. Since she had learned of the beast blood, she had talked about it a little with Farkas, Aela and even a bit with Vilkas. The latter didn't seem quite keen to discuss the subject. He said it was a curse, while the others, particularly Aela, said it was a gift. They had also said it allowed them abilities they could only attain thanks to the beast blood. Other than strength and quicker regeneration, their senses were also as acute as wolves... including their sense of smell. That is why Aela had known it was Vilkas whom she had slept with... So maybe Vilkas had smelled... Oh no. No no no no no!

" _What if he thinks I actually slept willingly-_ " Her panicking thought was interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

"Evelianna? Are you ok dear?" Called the worried voice of Tilma.

"Ah I'll be out in a moment!" She said quickly as she finished to put her clothes on. She opened the door, a bit too hesitantly to her liking and Tilma was there, still with a worried look on her face. "Sorry, did I take too much time?" She asked sheepishly, trying to act as normal as possible.

"Well, it's not that you took too much time... It's just that it was unusually long for you and I wondered if you were hurt or something..." This warmed the girl's heart a little and she offered a small smile.

"Don't worry, My body's a bit sore but nothing too dramatic... Sorry to have worried you. I'm fine, really." She forced a smile and Tilma looked at her, as if not quite believing her, but she didn't push further and just put a motherly hand on her arm.

"If that's the case, then I'll be relieved. But if there is anything else I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask." She offered another of her warm caring smile and again, it touched her heart. This was really what she needed right now. "Now go on child. I made some venison stew." She leaned toward her as if she was about to tell her a confidence "Without leeks." She chuckled "I know you don't like them so I made a special exception" She smiled.

"Thanks Tilma! I love your cooking."

"I know dear, you all do" She chuckled and whooshed her toward the stairs "Now go before there isn't any left. I'll take care of the rest here." Evy smiled a little and thanked her again before heading to the mead hall.

***Vilkas***

When he saw her come out from the staircase, he still didn't know how he should act. Even with everyone around and all the different scent coming from Tilma's cooking, he could still smell her scent... and the man's stench. It was almost gone because of the bath and that made him wonder if maybe they hadn't gone all the way. When she had _he's_ scent, it had stayed on her for quite some time, even after the marks on her skin had disappeared... Their eyes met and she instantly looked away. This pained him and twisted his stomach with guilt. He had looked back down to continue reading his book, not wanting his stare to make her even more uneasy, though he couldn't bring himself to just leave. A part of him needed to know she was ok. But he still felt a hint of fear coming from her and he didn't want her to keep feeling like that on her first day of being back just because of his selfishness. So he forced himself to leave, hoping that when they would meet next, he would have a chance to apologize for his stupid behavior.

When he had come back to the mead hall after training for two hours, she was still there... and she was still with this small hint of fear. Why? She hadn't seen him for two whole hours. He knew so because he didn't smell her in his surroundings at that time and he could always catch her smell when she was in his perimeter. It was like his instinct always stayed alert for it. But now that he was concentrating on that feeling of fear she had, he noticed it wasn't a fear as much as an uneasy, unnatural, tension. And since he now knew he wasn't the source of it, since it hadn't stopped while he wasn't there, he allowed himself to sit back down to read a book... Even though he wouldn't truly read it. No. It was just a decoy so he could concentrate on her and what could possibly be going on, without her noticing him doing so. It was irritating to not be able to just watch her, but that would have been too obvious. So he let his wolf's other senses find the information he was seeking. Her way of speaking was about normal at least, but he couldn't help but think something was off... Maybe it was just because he hadn't heard her voice for a month... She was talking about some old geezers that had gotten on her nerves, perched in their ridiculously high mountain... By the divines, this woman... Did she truely call the greatly respected Greybeards 'old geezers'? Well, it really was like her to do that, not letting anything or anyone intimidate her just because they were bigger or of higher status or known and respected for their wisdom and knowledge all over Skyrim... So maybe it really was just him overthinking things... But little by little he noticed the small slips. Pauses or faintly sharp intakes of breaths where there shouldn't have been. Always almost unnoticeable but they were there. His other senses also picked up sudden peaks of tension and even a bit of fright at times, but it always seemed to calm as quickly as it came. It was strange, strange and totally not like her. But without looking he couldn't possibly find what exactly brought those peaks. So he stood up to go get himself some mead and a little something to eat. While doing so, he could watch her better for a while and when he was back to his seat and his book, he could use the excuse of reaching for his tankard or his food to look over her again. He soon realized that this unusual tension of hers, all these strange out-of-the-blue reactions... everything always happened when a male member around her moved too close toward her, even just the wave of a hand in her direction. The male's laughter also made her tense up from time to time. It didn't take him long to link those new informations with her panicked way of fighting back when he... " _plus the stench of a man on her_ "... and the more he observed her, the more concrete his understanding became. And the harder it became for him to keep his anger from boiling to the point he even thought about letting his wolf out to go in search of the bastard. At some point he just stopped watching the facade she was putting because it only fueled his anger and right now, it was the last thing she needed. Fortunately, his brother chose that time to return from gods only knew where and as he was reaching his table, he saw the young woman.

"Hey! She's actually back! What are you doing in the opposite corner brother? Let's go join them!" He said enthusiastically and Vilkas stopped him before he could possibly run to the girl and squeeze her in a killing hug.

"Don't." He caught his twin's eyes and the seriousness in his demeanor must have convinced him to listen to Vilkas, because he didn't make another move toward her. Nodding toward the chair beside him, he silently invited him to sit down.

"What's the matter?" Asked the man with a worried expression as he settled down at his brother's table.

"If you care for her, do not go too close to her. Right now the worst you could do is to touch her, let alone hug her the way you usually do." He said in a low voice. There wasn't the smallest hint of mocking or mischief in his words or eyes and Farkas seemed to understand he wasn't pulling a joke and that he wasn't to take his words lightly.

"Vilkas, what's going on?" He asked, lowering his voice too, now as serious and grave as his twin.

"I can't explain it to you right now. I am already fighting with myself not to let my rage throw away the last bit of reasoning I have. So I need you to help me stay calm. And in the meantime make sure these oblivious idiots don't traumatize her anymore than she already is." He replied through greeted teeth.

"How?" Vilkas face winced at that.

"I have no idea but I just can't bring myself to let her deal with them alone while she is in that state... I'm going to kill that bastard Farkas... I'm going to find him and I'm going to rip his heart out."

"Calm down brother. You won't be able to help her if you go berserk." Farkas was right. Right now she needed support, even if he might only give her support in the shadows, it was better than doing nothing. He took deep breaths, trying to focus on this thought.

Evelianna was still telling her story at the demand of the others and at some point there seem to have some hesitation in her story, like she wasn't telling the whole story. Maybe something had happened when she had retrieved the horn in the Nordic Ruins? Was it there that it happened? It did seem like it had took her way more time than it should have taken, even for her and her tendency to attract problems like a magnet. But there didn't appear to be any signs of fear or panic he figured a woman would have arriving at such a part in her story, even if she wasn't going to utter a word about it... then her hesitation was gone and she was narrating her journey back up the 'killer mountain' as she called it. Really, this girl and name giving... And then her heartbeat began rising as panic seemed to freeze her and make her at a loss of word. But the others just kept on asking more questions, oblivious to her rising internal panic. Cursing under his breath, he stood up and was about to tell them to leave her alone, but Aela beat him to it.

"ENOUGH!" Silence took over the entire room as they all looked at her. "You've been at it for hours now. She just came back from a whole month of moving and fighting around, give her a break already! If you have time to harass her with questions, you might as well go train and do missions." There was a bit of mumbling protests but they agreed to leave her be and Vilkas sat back, more calm even if just a little, and he went back to 'discussing' with his brother. The young woman hadn't moved and when everyone finally left her table, he caught the sigh of relief that escaped her lips. But then, he heard the scraping of a chair near her. Glancing toward her, he saw that the huntress had sat down next to her.

"Now... would you like to talk about what happened for you to become like this?" She asked so softly he would have missed it if not for his sensitive hearing.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Oh how he didn't like the sound of her voice right now... Where was the frank, strong voice he knew? Her facade wasn't holding up anymore.

"Please Evelianna... You might be able to fool them, but you can't fool my wolf's senses. I know something is wrong, terribly wrong. I have a faint idea of what it is" The panic had begun to rise again inside the girl, but Aela was carrying on still as softly, but not letting her the time to protest "and I think it would do you some good to talk about it... I know we're not as close as you are with Ria or Farkas, but if you're willing, I'd like to help you if I can."

"You... you don't think I don't belong here anymore?" She asked, her voice small and wavering, as if she was about to cry. Vilkas clenched his teeth, trying his hardest to stay calm. He couldn't do anything right now. He couldn't yell at her for ever thinking that it would make them turn their back on her, not after what he had just done to her. And he couldn't go to her and take her in his arms either! Gods he felt so useless at the moment...

"Of course not! I think if anyone here knew, no matter who it is, the only thoughts that would cross their mind would be to find the bastard and tear him into shred" Finished Aela in a low snarl and Vilkas mentally approved, though he still had to act as if he was talking with his brother and not hearing what the women were saying.

"If... If I am to talk about it... Could we... do it elsewhere? Please?" She whispered her voice beginning to shake.

"I believe that would be better. Come, let's go to my room. We'll be ok there." The huntress stood up and Evelianna followed her. Looking up, Vilkas met the warning glare of Aela as they were going toward the stairs. It was clear. He was forbidden to even try to eavesdrop on them. The man sighed and nodded. Fine. He wouldn't. Looking at his brother, Farkas understood and stood up with him to go to the training grounds. He needed to blow off some steam, fast, and the dummies wouldn't exist anymore if he were to let out his anger on them, so he was going to spar with his twin...

The man didn't see or hear of either of them until much later. He had seen Aela talk in hushed tone with Skjor, like they always did when they were up to something, but before he could catch whatever they were saying, they had already went their separate ways. He reached the huntress and grabbed her arm, pulling her where they could talk more freely. She just followed him calmly.

"What was that about?" He growled, not trusting her right now.

"What?" She returned flatly.

"You and Skjor. When I last saw you, you were offering a friendly ear to Evelianna. Next thing I know, you're whispering with Skjor. What are you up to?"

"I did lend a friendly ear to the girl, she needed it. With what she's been through, she needed someone to whom she could confide. If I hadn't, she'd still think she's now unworthy of being called a Companion. And just because I speak with different people doesn't mean I'm up to something." He had stopped listening at 'unworthy of being a Companion'. Again, he had to contain his anger with great effort.

"How would _that_ make her unworthy!?"

"So... You did understand what this was all about. Then, I don't need to explain to you why it would be better if you and Farkas kept your distance with her for the time being. You even more so, after your little outburst." She said accusingly and it was like she had punched him in the face. His pain and guilt just increased.

"You..."

"Yeah, she told me. Of course, unlike her, I know you did it out of jealousy, but she don't." Damn his pride, his anger won this round.

"Why didn't you tell her if you knew!?" This only made her smirk and ark an eyebrow.

"Tell her what? That you love her? That you almost went berserk from jealousy because you smelled the scent of her _raper_ on her?" She sneered. "As if _that_ would have made her feel any better."

"You-"

"Besides. It is not to me to tell her you love her. That's your job. But you never had the courage to do it when you should have and now you'll just have to wait for when she might actually be alright with having you close. But for now don't even think of approaching her." She released herself from his weakening grip, as he was too shaken to care about her getting away. She just left him there, not even looking back. He stood still for a while, remembering the whole discussion they just had and his last interaction with the girl... Aela was right. As much as she had been a bitch with him just now, she was right. He had been acting like a jerk with her and now, there was no way she could possibly listen to him or even forgive him in the state she was in. He was just going to inflict her more pain... He preferred to be the one hurting than to hurt her yet again. He would wait for her, even if it took years, he would wait for her and regain her trust little by little. He just hoped he wouldn't go insane from having her so close, yet so far away from his reach...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah god I want to hug them both! And then push them in a room and lock the door... Well, you can't really lock them in a forest, but it will do the trick for the next chap. Hopefully... I know the main lines and where I want my story to go, but for the rest I go with the flow so I always end up with surprises to some extent... Just like Evy in the nordic ruins XD So maybe they will get closer or maybe they won't... Who knows? ;) One thing is certain, there is more yelling to come. I'll let you guess from whom :P


	9. Any Question?

***Vilkas***

  
The following days had been hard for Vilkas. He had seen her again, though he kept his distance like he had agreed to do, but it didn't seem like the woman he knew. Sure, her facade was back, but he could see through it and he didn't like what he was gazing at. A broken girl. Times and times again he had to suppress the urge to go take her in his arms as much as the urge to go find the disgusting man who had dared to touch her. But he could do neither. And so he patiently continued his long wait... He would wait for her, even if it took years. That's what he had decided mere days ago and he was determined to stay with that decision. That is, until the full moon arrived, until he heard a howl that almost pulled his own wolf out. He could recognize the sound of every member's werewolf and that one... It wasn't one of them. He rushed to the underforge and when he entered, Aela was finishing to put her clothes back on, her face wincing slightly when she moved, though he didn't pay attention to it. His sense had caught on the smell of blood as soon as he had entered the secret room and he was now staring at the red liquid in the altar's bowl. The next moment he was grabbing Aela and slamming her onto the stone wall, making her wince.

"What have you done!?" He shouted at her, barely holding on the last weakening strings of his control.

"I made Evelianna one of us. I must say, her wolf is quite a powerful one-"

"YOU DID WHAT!? You were supposed to help her dammit! Not push her into taking the beast blood!"

"I did help her! She wished to be strong, I just gave her the power to become so..."

" _She_ didn't have any wish to take the beast blood before what happened. _You_ took advantage of her moment of insecurity for your own selfish means!"

"The past is the past! Now, she wanted to! She didn't want to feel weak again and let her nightmares win! I just wanted to help her!"

"And how do you think she will feel when she wakes up naked without knowing where she is or how she got there!? At least tell me Skjor's with her!" His strings of control were snapping, fast, and his eyes had began to shine gold

"Of course he isn't! Her wolf knocked him out the moment it saw him!" she bit back, moving her head to point toward the unconscious body he hadn't noticed. But he didn't care about that.

"THEN WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU WITH HER!?"

"BECAUSE I LOST HER AFTER SHE-" He let go of her with a push, he didn't have time for this, he had to find her. Not thinking twice, he began to take his clothes off quickly. By chance he had already taken off his gear or he would have just turned without caring if it tore everything.

"What are you doing?" He heard Aela ask in a disbelieving voice. He didn't bother to answer. He took the package the two idiots had prepared for the aftermath and pushed his things inside, swinging the sturdy overlength cord binding the package so he could pass it over and on his shoulder afterward. While he was doing so, Aela had continued. "You won't be able to catch on to her, she's too fast! And even if you caught her, you saw what she did to Skjor! She even attacked me just because I was following her in the secret passage!"

"I don't care! Wolf or human I will find her!" He snarled, his voice becoming more and more inhuman toward the end. Then he let his wolf have what it had been craving for, he let it out...

The next moment, his wolf form was running in the plains. It was even easier to pick up her scent in this form and he followed her trail, hoping she hadn't encountered anyone on her path, especially men... The first transformation was the most difficult and one had little control if any at all over the wolf's instinct. That was why when they would revert back to their human form, they almost never remembered what had happened. It was also why they were always with at least another member, so they wouldn't hurt anyone or come across soldiers and such who would attack them... But it wasn't the only fear Vilkas had. What greatly worried him was also the effect the beast blood would have on her Dragonborn blood and conversely how would it affect her beast blood? Growling, he picked up pace.

Like Aela said, she was fast. He had been on her trail for two hours now and he still hadn't found her. If only he hadn't wasted so much time yelling at the huntress and just gone after the girl right away... But her scent was becoming stronger so he had hopes of getting closer now. He had followed the trail into a forest and a new scent came to him, the strong smell of blood... deer's blood. He found the corpse and he could tell by the bites and claw marks that it was her doing... And it was quite recent. But she hadn't finished her 'meal'. Why? The smell of blood and delicious meat distracted his wolf's mind but he could still pick her scent... And the sound of a strong heartbeat. Suddenly, a shadow sprang onto him, claws ready to lash at him as she bared her fangs in a menacing snarl. The surprise attack was powerful and it made his back crash into a tree. She was able to strike his side, making him growl in pain before he could leap away from her. They circled each other, him groaning more than growling, her still snarling. She looked like she was ready to attack again at any moment and even though he held a defensive stance, he kept his tail low, trying to make her realize he meant her no harm. It didn't work and she jumped on him again, but this time he caught her instead of trying to dodge her, though the impact made them fall and roll on the ground. Even if the impact was strong, he felt her attack wasn't as powerful as the first one. He tried to restrain her without inflicting her any wounds, imprisoning her arms and chest in his arms as she was on top of him. It wasn't in his nature to sustain a blow and not counter with one of his own, but he clenched onto his willpower not to hurt her. She bit his shoulder in an attempt to make him release her, but he held on as she struggled like a rabid beast. He knew her transformation was nearing it's end, it was just a matter of time. As he thought, her struggle began to weaken and he could feel the changes in her body: she was reverting back. She wimpered under the painful transformation until what only remained was the naked human body of the unconscious young woman. He sighed in relief as his head fell back on the ground.

The werewolf stayed like that a moment before looking at the woman. He nuzzled her head a bit, carefully laying her down afterward. It seemed to make her stir a bit but she didn't seem to wake up so he took this chance to revert back too. It would be easier to get her into some clothes with human hands. He winced from the transformation, but also from the wounds she had inflicted him. Groaning, he gripped his side with one hand and tried to carefully remove the cord that was now rubbing into the wound on his shoulder, it was a miracle she hadn't caught it in her attacks. Then again, his wolf form had a wider area to attack... Ignoring the pain as he took off the cord and settled the package down, he then tried to focus on finding clothes for her. He found his first and decided to at least put his pants on. It took him more time then he would have liked as his wounds made it difficult to move without hurting, but he did his best to ignore it. He didn't even bother to close his pants and just went back to his search in the package. If he didn't act quickly enough, she would wake up without any clothes on and he didn't want her to find herself naked while not remembering what happened. If only he could put a shirt on her, at the very least... He finally found one and went to her side, wiping the blood from his hand on his pants so he wouldn't put too much of it on her. Taking a quick but deep breath, he hoped she wouldn't wake up as he lifted her gently in a sitting position in between his legs as he sat behind her so that her back leaned mostly against his unwounded shoulder in order to use freely both hands in his attempt to slip the shirt on her... " _Please don't wake up now, please don't wake up n-_ " A gasp came to his ears and he knew his prayers hadn't been heard.

** *Evelianna* **

Her mind had slowly been pulled from a thick mass of darkness by waves of sensations that got stronger and stronger. Sounds had been gradually flooding her ears. The whistling of a breeze playing in the trees, the snapping of a twig followed by the scurrying of frightened little paws, the faint whisper of a stream, rustlings of leaves, fabrics, wings... So many sounds... Scents had also invaded her nostrils, making it hard to identify them all. She could smell the moist in the air, the essences of various trees blending together, there was also a strange mix of spice with something that reminded her of books... So many smell... She could also catch a reassuring earthy scent, like the smell of a forest after a storm... But this appeasing smell was overthrown by a strong one that surrounded everything... Blood, lots of blood... She faintly heard something move as her mind became more and more confused from all the informations that were rushing in her head and then her upper body got lifted. The movement had been gentle but the smell of blood had become stronger, covering the others for a moment. As her body lowered against a chest, her mind came to realize she was naked and that it was a broad shoulder she was leaning on as hands too big to be that of a woman were touching her. Her eyes shot open as a gasp escaped her lips, panic shooting up. She tried to get away from the man against her, but she was stopped by some sort of cloth and it only made her panic more and disable her rationality as she began to struggle against whatever was surrounding her.

"Calm down. I'm not-" The voice got cut off by something and the man tensed up while groaning before he cupped her face with both hands to turn it toward him "Evelianna. Stop. It's me. It's Vilkas. I'm not going to hurt you, you're safe now. You. are. safe." The voice said, calmly but firmly as his hands forced her to look at his face. His words were barely registering, but when her eyes were caught by an icy blue gaze, it was as if something unlocked in her, making her stop in the middle of her struggle. Oh how she could recognize those eyes anywhere.

"V-Vilkas...?" Relief washed instantly over her body, and without thinking she buried her face in the crook of his neck. After a moment she felt his arms wrap themselves hesitantly around her curled up body. It crisped ever so slightly, unconsciously, making him pause in the movement, but it only took a few seconds before her body relaxed again. Buried in his neck, curled up between his legs and with his arms loosely hugging her, she was surrounded by that reassuring smell she had previously caught. That earthy scent mixed with spice and the faint smell of books. It appeared her body recognized this smell, his smell, and it appeased her subconscious. Once she had calmed down a bit more, questions began to come to her mind and she looked up at him.

"How... What..." Too many questions were trying to come out at the same time and although her fear had greatly decreased, her confusion hadn't.

"Hush" He said in the most soft tone she had ever heard him use. "I will explain everything to you, but first, here..."

He held up the cloth she had more or less acknowledge previously and she realized it was a shirt, for her. She blushed and took it, turning slightly while keeping her curled up position so her back was to him and she put her shirt on. Well, she felt a lot better now that she had something to cover her body! She turned to the side again while thanking him but she froze, finally noticing the blood.

"You're hurt!" She exclaimed in a horrified gasp... And he dared to roll his eyes!

"Don't worry, it's nothing, it's already healing." He said calmly as if he was talking about paper cuts.

"How can you be so calm! It's clearly not 'nothing'! We need to treat it quickly!"

"Calm down, in a few hours it'll be completely healed. Right now I'm more worried about you, are you hurt?" And the damn man actually decided to act worried now! About _her_!

"You're worried about _me_!? I'm not the one bleeding to death!"

"I'm not the one who ran off alone in gods know what troubles on her first transf-ugh..." He winced in pain and one of his hand went to his side reflexively. It appeared the paper cuts hurt when he wanted to yell. She had only seen the blood on his shoulder, but now she realized he was hurt in two places!

" _Dammit and we have nothing to treat his wounds!"_ She thought as she looked around. Her eyes fell on some sort of big bag and she quickly went to it, searching worriedly for a potion or at least bandages, anything!

"What are you doing?" He asked and she could just feel the frown that must have been on his face. Hearing him begin to move, she growled a bit.

"Don't you dare to move... I'm searching for- Ah ha!" She pulled out a roll of bandages and came back to his side with it, plus a shirt she had found. As she was settling beside him, her worry for him seemed to outweigh her subconscious fear of men since she didn't even think about anything other than tending to his injuries. Ripping the shirt in two, she pressed one half on the wound to his side. "Apply pressure on it while I look at the other." She said firmly, hoping he would comply without protesting. He didn't complain, even though he did sigh heavily, but he put his hand on the cloth as he was told and she moved her attention to his shoulder. Upon looking more closely, it felt like he had been bitten by a dog... or maybe a wolf... "you..." She looked at him with wide eyes as guilt rose in her. "I... Am I the one who..."

"Stop" He told her, trapping her gaze in his calm one. "You are not responsible for this. You had no control over your wolf and even if you had, you had no way of knowing I was the one in front of you."

"But-"

"Hush. Don't blame yourself for something that won't even be there tomorrow. I'll let you wrap my wounds if it can make you feel better, but I won't have you apologizing for small scratches."

"Small scratches!? You'll 'let me wrap it'!? You... You're the most impossible stubborn man I have ever met!" It actually made him roll his eyes! Again! Why that infuriating-

"Well, if you don't want to wrap those bandages anymore, I guess we can just prepare to go back then..." He made a move to stand up and she stopped him, pushing him back the small inch he had been able to take from the ground.

"Don't you dare move until I treat your wounds!" she snapped at him.

"Well get on with it then." He said with a smirk and she gritted her teeth as she began to treat his 'scratches'.

"I preferred when you were soft and gentle. Even though it was weird coming from you..." She mumbled, focusing on her job at hand.

"I'm only like that toward distressed girls. Now that I got back the strong-willed pestering woman I know, why would I be soft or gentle?"

"Strong-willed _pestering_ woman!? You call insisting on treating an injured man who thinks gaping wounds are just mere scratches... You call that pestering? I call that proof of great patience and courage knowing it includes dealing with such an irritating man!"

"Exactly what I was saying, a stubborn pestering woman. And I'd even say I'm the one showing great patience and courage, seeing how I need to endure your scolding"

"Ha! You wouldn't have to _endure_ my scolding if you had just let me bandage your wounds right from the start without trying to avoid it even though it was unavoidable anyway! And I'm the one they always call a 'little kid'!" He actually chuckled at that! Fortunately she had just finished tying the last bandage so this childish exchange would finally end. But then she was slightly startled when she felt the tip of his fingers graze her temple and the side of her face, like a gentle caress, as it went to her ear. It tucked the strand of rebellious hair that she had been trying to blow away from her face for a while now and she lifted her eyes to meet his. She was surprised to see no trace of the expression he usually had in their battles of wits. In fact, she couldn't quite decipher the look he had as he intently gazed in her eyes.

"I missed that fire in your eyes... And..." He looked down as the hand that had lingered on the side of her face dropped on his thigh. "I wanted to apologize. About the way I reacted when we met upon your return." She had a sharp intake of breath at the memory of that encounter and he looked back up at her. In his eyes, she could see how guilty and ashamed he felt. It was strange coming from Vilkas. Sure, he did actually say so when he was wrong about something most of the times, but he never apologized for it, nor did he have any guilt whatsoever about his misjudging. In fact, she didn't remember him ever apologizing... Except that time which he was apologizing for again.

"Why did you do that?" She asked in a whisper. Back then, she had been too shocked to ask what in the world had gotten into him and she had been stuck with trying to understand what had happened by herself without much information to work with.

"I..." He sighed and rubbed his face. "Are you sure you want to have that discussion?" His tone wasn't one of reluctance to talk about it but more like one of worry... Was he worried about her? About what that discussion might bring forth? _"It may be, like you thought, that he did get angry because he smelled another man on you. I did smell it too. Though I can't say why that made him so furious."_ had said Aela when they had discussed it together... If it really was because of the smell, did she really want to take the chance of _that_ subject coming up? She shivered and swallowed, taking a deep breath.

"Yes. Please, I want to know." Aela had suggested to keep her distance from him since she already had enough to deal with in her mind without adding Vilkas and his outbursts to her worries... Even so, it had still bugged her to no end. She couldn't keep from thinking about it whenever he was around. She had taken the beast blood to be stronger. It would be for nothing if she continued to run away. She hated that part of her who only wanted to run and hide as if everything would just solve itself on it's own. Now that the subject was already brought forward anyway, she preferred to deal with it and get it over with. He searched her eyes after her reply and then sighed.

"As you wish, but..."

"Don't worry, you know me, if I want you to shut up I won't hesitate to tell you so" She said with a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit. He smiled faintly at that.

"Yeah, you've never been one to hesitate telling me to shut up..." He took a deep breath and went on "To say the truth, I don't believe I have any excuses for my behavior" He sighed yet again. "When I smelled the stench of a man on you, I just snapped and acted without thinking..."

"Why?" He looked at her appearing to not quite understand her question and she clarified. Maybe because she had guessed it was related to the scent of the pig, she wasn't that surprise it was because of that. In fact it felt more like he just confirmed she had guessed right. That is also the reason what she wanted to know was "Why did you snap when you smelled..." She trailed off, still unable to say it yet.

"I..." His face twisted, as if he didn't want to say it but he forced it out anyway "I guess I was jealous... It's stupid, I know. And I also know I have no right to be jealous, but I just couldn't think straight anymore, to the point I nearly let my wolf out..." Wow... That, she really didn't expect it. Vilkas was jealous? About what? How could smelling... _that_ on her, bring him jealousy to the extent of doing something like that? But now that she thought about it, when he had first apologized, he did look as if he had just woken up or something, like he wasn't the one in control and just realized what his own body had been doing... He had almost the same expression she had after realizing she was the cause of those gaping wounds on him. He did say she had no control over her own actions when she did it, that it was her wolf's action. But in that case, if he was so outraged his wolf nearly broke free...

"How did you manage to regain control?"

"What?" Again he was surprised by her questions.

"You said you couldn't think straight anymore, that your wolf was taking control... So how did you manage to stop everything? Even your transformation..." There was no disbelief in her tone. She accepted he did lose control of his own actions and thus, she wanted to know how he was able to regain that control. Maybe she could use whatever trick he used to control her own wolf in the future... The answer came simply, without any hesitation and was absolutely unexpected.

"I saw your tears."

"What? And that made you regain control? Just like that?" She was quite surprised and he frowned slightly.

"Of course. I would never, ever, willingly make you cry." There was a slight pause to him, as if he had just thought of something along the lines of 'except maybe...' and it was her turn to frown.

"What was that?"

"Hm?" Was all he gave her and she frowned more.

"You said you would never willingly make me cry and then you paused, as if you just thought of something that contradicted it!" His face closed and became unreadable.

"No I didn't."

"Oh yes you did! Tell me what it is!" He just sighed at that.

"No, I did not. And now that you know why I acted like an asshole right upon your return, could we finish getting dressed so we can start our journey back home?" This made her remember she only had a shirt on and she blushed, going back to the bag to search for pants. There didn't seem to be any briefs, but at least she found her pants and slipped them on. That was waaayyy better! Sighing in relief, she jumped the next moment when she smelled him closer than he was minutes ago. "Have you seen my shirt?"

"Oh yeah I saw a... shirt..." She finished while unfolding it... it was way too small for him. As if in sync, they both looked down at the one she was wearing... then at his bandages which kept the ripped up shirt pressed against his injuries. "Oh..." She uttered and he sighed, rubbing his face, a mimic she was getting used to now.

"Never mind..."

"But... the cold season is starting, you can't just walk around bare chest!"

"Don't worry, Nords' blood make us resistant to cold. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you were a Nord too." He stated as he put one knee on the ground to pick up what had fallen out of the bag, putting it all back in after taking out their boots.

"Really? You think so? But others said there was no way I could be, seeing how small a stature I had..." He sneered in response and stood up, boots in hand, looking at her with an arrogant rise of an eyebrow.

"Others didn't see you stand barefoot in a cold night without the faintest trace of a shiver while you are only wearing a thin linen shirt" He then unexpectedly narrowed his eyes. "And it would be best if it stayed like that." And he held out her boots to her. She took it, still surprised by his last comment while he was already putting his own boots on. She then smirked, wanting to tease him a bit.

"It would be best if I stayed barefoot with only a shirt on or... if others didn't see me like that, other than you...?" She asked, amusement in her eyes. He growled and just glared at her as he was straightening up after he had pulled his boots on.

"You know, it is not wise to tease me on something like that..." He warned. She just lifted a provocative eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Oh? And why is that?" He smirked and it felt like she had started a game she had little chance of winning... He came closer, his smirk turning into a wolfish smile and she didn't move, she didn't even flinch as their bodies would have almost touched if he stepped any closer. He leaned down toward her, making her instinctively hold her breath in anticipation, seeing how he was slowly approaching her parted lips. Something was stirring inside her, as if a second nature in her she did not know of was trying to make itself heard. She understood what it wanted. It wanted her, urged her, to grab him and make him kiss her already! To wrap her arms around his neck and press herself against him, make him grunt in want and, like before, get him to lift her up and pin her against something, a tree in this case, so they could passionately make out again... This made her breathless as pictures, not from fear but from lust, came to her mind.

"Because you're far from ready to take on _my_ teasing and come out unscathed... Lil' pup..."

It had been whispered an inch away from her lips and it took her a moment to understand what he was talking about... Oh right, she had asked him why she shouldn't tease him... And then she realized he had stopped moving during the time her second self had made her imagination go wild. He chuckled as he moved away from her, making her second self growl in displeasure. It didn't want him to go away! Without thinking her hand lifted up, as if to stop him, but she grabbed it with her other hand and pulled it to her chest before it could even touch him. She looked at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks as she didn't understand what the hell had just gotten into her! And he... He just smirked more!

"Seems like you still haven't put a good leash on your wolf... All the more reason not to try teasing mine too much." He said, chuckling a bit more! Oh how she hated this laugh of him. It was just so irritatingly low and sexy and making her body tingle pleasantly and- No! He was laughing at her for crying out loud! She shouldn't be affected by his chuckle in _that_ kind of way! She frowned and pouted at the same time. But something he just said registered and she looked at him quizzically as he took the bag from the ground.

"What do you mean 'put a good leash on my wolf'?" She asked.

"Well, didn't your wolf just make you lift your hand to keep me from moving away? Maybe it's even the reason why you looked in such a smutty daze when I leaned over you..." Her eyes widened again.

"Smu- I was certainly not like that! And anyway what do you mean my wolf made me do something!? Doesn't it only have control when I change in my wolf form?"

"Really, didn't they explain anything to you..." He sighed exasperatedly "Just put on your boots so we can begin our way back. I'll try to explain what I can to you while we walk" She didn't know how, but she felt like sleeping anger was beginning to wake in him and she thought wiser to just do as she was told. Once she was done, he passed the way too long cord attached to the bag over his uninjured shoulder and began to walk in a direction so she followed.

"... So?" She asked, though she was curious about the long cord but she didn't want their previous conversation to get sidetracked. He glanced at her and she saw his jaw harden.

"What _did_ they tell you about the beast blood?"

"Well, in short that it allowed us to take the form of a fearsome werewolf and that even in our human form, it gave us capabilities normal human couldn't have. It heightened our senses, made us stronger and heal faster."

"Right... That's all they said?" She nodded and then came an irritated sigh. "And didn't you think all these great capabilities came with a price? First of all, those capabilities come from the beast blood, in fact it gives you the senses of a wolf... and it's instinct."

"Why would that be considered a bad thing?" Just after she had asked her question, her head snapped in one direction as her ears caught the sound of hooves on the ground, scurrying away hastily. Before she could realize it, all her senses had become alert. It's the voice beside her that brought her back to the current discussion she had forgotten for a second.

"It gives the wolf's instinct of the hunt, it's hunger, it's urges... Everyone feel them and are affected by them to a different level. You could say the beast blood creates another being inside of us, that's your wolf, or more precisely the wolf's instinct in you. The less control you put on it, the more it will affect your actions and your behavior. And the stronger you feel an emotion or desire, the stronger the wolf's voice will become to try and control you."

"Why?"

"A wolf's instinct is primal. It wants something, it gets it. It finds it's mate, it marks it as his. It's angry, it lashes out. It feels threatened, it lashes out, and so on. What do you think happens when you put that primal instinct in a human, a rational being who doesn't act upon his emotions and desires?"

"The primal instinct will get agitated more and more to the point of raging inside to get what it wants..." She answered, finally seeing what he was trying to explain. But... Did she really want to kiss him so badly that the 'wolf' in her made her move her hand? That would be sooo embarrassing!

"Exactly. Thus, the need to learn to control your wolf, or else it will control you until you lose every trace of humanity in you." She shivered at the thought. She surely would have put more consideration into it if she had known... Even if, when Aela talked about it, she wasn't really in a state to think there might be more than what the huntress had said... Thinking back at what Vilkas had just said, something struck her.

"You said 'first of all'... what else is there that I don't know?" She asked, though at this point, she wasn't sure she wanted to know anymore. But, if she didn't ask, who knew what problems she could face later due to her ignorance?

"Well, there is also the fact that when we die, we don't go to Sovengard but to Hircine's Hunting Ground. For some people, like me, it makes the curse worse. For others like Aela, it's just another part of the 'gift' we received." He sighed. "Kodlak is searching for a cure, but I'm not as optimistic as him." He added and she felt the need to put a hand on his arm in a comforting manner. He glanced at her and gave her a small smile. "Don't make that face. I brought this upon myself. I was as convinced as Aela and Skjor at first, even knowing everything I still chose to take the beast blood."

"Is it why you are angry that I took it?" She asked hesitantly.

"I do feel angry at you for taking it, but it's nothing compared to how angry I am at Aela and Skjor. They had talked about making you a member of the circle, of giving you the beast blood and I was completely against it." He must have sensed her rising outrage because he clarified quickly "I wasn't against you entering the circle. I was against cursing you to a life of obscured mind from the call of the blood and the constant battles within yourself that would only end when you'd go to Hircine's Hunting Grounds... But Kodlak said that you alone were to decide if you took the beast blood or not. So yes, I am a bit angry you took it, but what makes me furious is that they took advantage of your current circumstances to make you take it without giving second thoughts to it."

"I'm sorry" She said, looking down a bit.

"Do you regret it?" He asked and she didn't know what the answer was.

"I don't know..." She finally said, her answer bringing forth the memory of another discussion they had in the past, where the roles were reversed.

"Well, if you come to regret it, only then may you tell me you're sorry. But if you decide you don't, then you have nothing to be sorry about. Ok?"

"Ok..." They both fell silent for a while, lost in their thoughts. Vilkas was the first to break the silent.

"Since it seems to be a night of awkward discussion, clarifications and such... might as well get some other things over with too. I wanted to talk to you about it for a while anyway." He took a deep breath "That time, when I said I didn't know if I regretted it, I really didn't know. But it had nothing to do with the night I shared with you in itself. In fact, the only thing I did regret was that I lost control to the point of marking you. I was ashamed of myself and as long as that mark was on you, I didn't trust myself if I were to get close to you again... I still regret it to say the truth. But everything else, I have absolutely no regret... Except unknowingly hurting you the next day..." She didn't know what to think of his confession, much less what to say. Of all the things she had imagined, that wasn't one of them.

"But... Why didn't you tell me?" She said, at last.

"When I finally decided to explain it to you, you told me not to, that you didn't want to know anymore and it felt as if I was going to hurt you even more if I ignored your wish and just kept on talking about it. So..."

"So we've both been fools, huh?" She laughed faintly, realizing just how much pain would have been avoided if they had insisted to talk about it when they should have.

"Yeah..." He chuckled faintly too and silence came back, both returning to their own thoughts. They did talk about a lot of things in a short amount of time, not to mention a few unexpected things happened too... After a while she glanced at him and her eyes fell on the sturdy cord across his chest.

"Can I ask you a question?" He looked at her with a lifted eyebrow.

"You still have more questions?"

"Well, it's just curiosity in fact... Where did you get that bag? It's so big and the cord is way too long, even for you!" At that he just smirked.

"It comes from a giant, didn't you know?"

"Really!?" She said, her eyes widening and he rolled his eyes before shacking his head, a chuckle rising in his throat. She then realized "You are pulling my leg! That... That was mean! Since when can you do that!?" She exclaimed angrily.

"Well, I didn't think you could actually have such a naive side to you either." He laughed, a warm, easy on the ear laugh. "But really, it's just our package for when we know we'll turn into wolves. You might have noticed our sizes change quite a bit when that happens. Clothes don't survive the transformation. If we don't take such bag with us, we'd have to come back naked." She blushed at the thought.

"And the long cord?" He just shrugged.

"If it's too short it'll break just like our clothes. It would be in our way if we had to hold the bag all the time."

"Well, that's clever..." She giggled lightly.

"Isn't it just so..." He smirked.

"...Hey, Vilkas?" She said after a moment.

"What is it this time?" He said with a somewhat amused tone.

"Well..."

"Hm?"

"Thanks... For coming after me and everything..."

"No problem lil' pup."

"Hey! What's with the lil' pup thing!?"

"What? You prefer I call you whelp like before? I don't mind..."

" _I_ would mind!"

"Then lil' pup it is."

"I don't want that either! Call me by my name!"

"hmm... No, lil' pup's just fine."

"Why you...!"

And so continued their journey back to Jorrvaskr, without any trace left of previous awkwardness... for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Their relationship's better, sure, but Vilkas' torture isn't over yet. After all, she is completely clueless and he doesn't know if he should feel relieved or annoyed that she is so slow on such matter when she is so quick on everything else! To be continued~


	10. The Masochism Of the Heart

***Evelianna***

  
When they finally got back to Jorrvaskr, some Companions were already eating breakfast and all the other members of the Circle were awake and waiting for their return. The young woman could feel some nervousness emanating from the group on different level depending the person. Skjor and Kodlak seemed to be the less nervous, if there was any nervousness at all, while Aela and Farkas... But the latter was the most nervous. They must have sensed their arrival because they didn't seem too surprised when they came through the doors... That is, until they saw the bloodied bandages on Vilkas' chest. His twin was the first to come to them, almost running, with a worried look for the both of them.

"Are you two ok? What happened to you?"

"Calm down" Sighed exasperatedly Vilkas, looks like he was sick of hearing about those injuries of his. "I'm alright. I don't feel anything anymore, no need to make a fuss about it... Just a wild wolf that took me by surprise." Evelianna tried not to blush at his answer but still looked away. Her eyes caught Aela's who was observing them from where she stood in the back. The young woman felt like her friend was evaluating her and Vilkas, as if she was searching for something. Maybe she wondered what their current relationship was, or maybe she was wondering if the beast blood had served it's purpose. It is true that she hadn't tensed or crisped when Farkas had approached so close. Even him was glancing hesitantly at her... The truth was that she had no idea if her fear had vanished or not either. But right now, she felt strangely safe. Still, for Aela... more than evaluating, she looked like she was unsure if she should come to them like the others were now doing or not and Evy didn't understand what made her hesitate so much. She smiled to the huntress and it seemed to relax her a bit as she smiled back too.

"By the way, where do you two come from so early in the morning? I hadn't even noticed you leaving yesterday. Gone on some failed date or something?" Asked Athis with a smirk as he leaned on a column. The both stared at him as if he had said mammoth could fly. And then _he_ reminded her why she would never consider going on a date with him!

"A date with the pup? What kind of mushroom did you eat this morning?" Grr this man and his damn names... But Athis was unfazed by his reply.

"It's not like anyone would be surprised you know. We're already making bets on the time it will take you two to finally get together" Continued Athis, his smirk not at all weakening. She crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow. What she liked about the dunmer was that he got so easily on her nerves that it didn't even leave place to feel flustered.

"Ooooh is it like the one about you and Njada?"

"What the hell me and Njada!? Are you stupid?" He gaped and she wasn't sure which would win on his face, disgust or embarrassment. "How could I ever want to-"

"Hey! Watch your next words stupid elf!" Shouted the new subject of the discussion. Athis turned to glare at her.

"Me? Watch my words? I don't take such warning from the most big mouthed bitch in Whiterun."

"What did you say!?" And there went yet a new brawl. Farkas looked at Evy with mischief twinkling in his eyes.

"How about we move away from the flying-tankard zone?" He said with a grin and the young woman answered with one of her own.

"Yeah, I don't feel like training my dodging skills this morning." They laughed and Vilkas looked at them with a quizzical lift of the eyebrow.

"Mind to share the joke?"

"Ah it's nothing brother" Farkas passed an arm around his shoulder and directed them toward the stairs to the sleeping quarters. "Just referring to our first encounter." He said, still grinning. "Anyway, right now, there's some important new arrangements to make."

"Huh?" Came their simultaneous answer and Farkas laughed.

"Wow, you both been mending things real good huh? You're even in sync now!"

"Shut up." Groaned Vilkas.

"Rubbish" Grunted Evy at the same time.

"Right~" Said Farkas, just laughing more and the girl tried to change the direction this discussion was heading.

"Anyway, you talked about important arrangements?"

"Yeah! You see, now that you're a member of the Circle, we can't have you sleeping in the shared quarters."

"What?" That was a surprise for her, but it didn't seem as much for Vilkas.

"Oh right... But, where is she going to sleep? There aren't any more private quarters available."

"Well, Kodlak said that his study was previously the bedroom of another Circle member. Tilma has already begun the rearrangement, but since it'll be your room" He looked over at her, still a big grin on his lips "Would be best if you decided how you'd like it don't you think?"

"B-but it's Kodlak's study... I can't possibly..."

"Now now child." Interrupted the Harbinger as he came out of the said study and her future bedroom. He smiled warmly to her. "The last Harbinger had made it into a study since it had been years since the last time the Circle got more than 5 members. We're just turning the room back to it's original purpose. Furthermore, it was inconvenient since there is no door to link the room with my quarters." He looked at her and Vilkas. "I'm glad to see things have settled between you two. Now, both of you, I suggest you go freshen up and maybe eat something and then come help. There's much to do if we want our newest member to have her own bedroom tonight and we can't have Tilma do it all by herself. Farkas, go give her hand."

"It will be my pleasure!" With that said Farkas went to help Tilma who gave him orders on what to do. As for Vilkas and Evelianna, they also did as Kodlak had told them. The day went on and other people came to help when they had nothing else to do. By the time the sun had set, the books and documents had been transferred and rearranged in Kodlak's bedroom by the older man with Vilkas' help and a bed had been brought to the study that looked a lot more like a bedroom. There were still bits of changes and settings that needed to be done here and there, but all in all, she finally had her own bedroom!

In the evening they had celebrated her entering the Circle, but she didn't drink as much as their last celebration. Not really because of what had happened last time as much as the fact that she feared what would happen if she let herself loose too much and her wolf got out. What if Athis or Njada ticked her off so much while she was drunk that she wouldn't be able to keep her wolf under control? No, she didn't want to take that risk. Fortunately, since she hadn't actually slept the previous night, she was exhausted and Farkas had suggested she go try out her new bed. She had smiled thankfully at him and went on to sleep... But she didn't. Once she had gotten to her room, an old fear had come back to her this time. What if when she went to sleep she got caught in another nightmare? There wouldn't be anyone to wake her up like before. Not that she woke every one up every night. At first it seemed that she had screamed during one of her nightmares and did wake the others. How she had felt guilty that time! But after that, Ria who had been sleeping on the cot next to hers had woke her up each time she had began to stir too much in her sleep. Her friend had said that she didn't mind, that she preferred to help her escape her dreams then to just ignore it and let her inside them. But from now on, she would be sleeping alone. Oh she liked to finally have some privacy, but still... She got pulled out of her thoughts by a knock on the door and she went to open it. It was Aela.

"Hey... I was just wondering if everything was ok and..." The huntress looked uncomfortable a bit "Well, I wanted to apologize. About what happened last night." This surprised the girl, but she made her come into the room so they could continue the conversation without risking others to hear.

"Why would you apologize?" She asked while closing the door. She invited her to sit on the chair near the bed while she sat on the latter. Aela settled down with a sigh.

"Because I was supposed to watch over you, to make sure nothing bad would happen and to help you once you'd return back into your human form. But I failed. I could prevent you from going into the city, but I wasn't able to follow you out of it. When I lost you I didn't even try to search for you. I was worried about Skjor that still hadn't woke up and-"

"Wait. What do you mean 'Skjor still hadn't woke up'? What happened to him?" He seemed alright from the glimpse she had seen of him... Though he did seem like he was keeping his distance from her, well, more than usual that is.

"Oh, that's right, you must not remember much huh?" The girl shook her head and sighed.

"The last thing I remember before waking up in my human form is that you were in your wolf form, I drank a bit of your blood and the next moment my entire body was hurting like hell. I think I fell on my knees, but after that it's complete darkness until I woke up. What happened?"

"You reacted strongly to the beast blood, we had never seen such a reaction before. Your transformation was faster then we had expected and though new werewolves tend to be stronger on their first night, yours was just... way more powerful than we had predicted and the wildest we ever had to handle too." She explained, an impressed look on her face at the end. "I must say, even Farkas' transformation couldn't compare to yours, and he was one handful to deal with!" She laughed a bit, but Evy was just looking at her with wide guilty eyes.

"I'm so sorry! I never thought-"

"Don't apologize girl. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If anything, we're the one to be blamed. We should have known better than to try handling just us two the werewolf that came from a Dragonborn. And a traumatized one at that! We should have prepared better. Really, you have no reason to blame yourself about what happened. We brought this upon ourselves."

"Still, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. After all you're the one supposed to blame us for what happened." The huntress offered her a smile and she smiled back faintly.

"And after my transformation?"

"Ah that... Like I said, we should have known what could happen. After all, it's not like taking the beast blood would instantly erase the current effect men have on you." She sighed "Skjor was the closer to you after your transformation. The moment it saw him, your wolf lashed out at him and he got thrown onto the wall. He hadn't had the time to turn into his wolf yet so the blow to his head knocked him unconscious. That's when I made my first mistake. When I saw Skjor fall to the ground, I snarled before I could stop myself. Because of that reaction, I was seen as another possible enemy. I was able to get you to take the secret passage out of the city, but when your wolf saw that I was following behind, it just turned and lashed out again before running away. As I said, you have one powerful wolf. Knocked me off my feet! By the time I got up, it had disappeared. I'm ashamed to say, my worry for Skjor got the better of my worry for you... In my mind you were strong enough to deal with whatever threat came your way. I still hadn't thought about the after, when you'd transform back. Fortunately Vilkas did... So yeah, I'm sorry for letting you down." She finished, looking at the ground.

"It's okay, don't worry, really. Nothing happened to me, if anything I'm the one who hurt everyone else." She grimaced and then smiled sheepishly. "If you don't blame me for what happened, you can't blame yourself either. Ok?"

"Thanks..." She smiled a faintly and then looked around the room "So, you finally got a room of your own..."

"Yeah..." That reminded her of the thoughts she had just before Aela knocked on the door. Her concern must have shown on her face because put a comforting hand on her arm.

"Still afraid to go to sleep huh?"

"A bit..." She grimaced.

"Don't worry, you have the beast blood now. Don't you feel it's strength running in your vein? I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Yeah... You're right. Anyway, I think I'm too exhausted to actually be able to dream about anything right now" She said, laughing a little. Aela smiled and nodded, standing up.

"Good, I'll let you go to sleep then... Good night." Evy went to the door with her and smiled.

"Thanks, you too." She closed the door behind her friend and decided to do as Aela suggested and just not worry about it. She changed in some lighter clothes and blew the lit candles before slipping under her covers. Like she had thought, it didn't take long for her to fall into a dreamless sleep... at first.

She woke up with a start to find herself surrounded by darkness. The only thing she could see were gloomy smiles from faceless men hovering over her, their creepy laughs invading her ears. She tried to stand up, but cold filthy hands kept her pinned down, stripping her, ripping her clothes, touching her body in a rough and disgusting way, and the more she tried to fight the hands away, the more the laughs intensified. She tried to get away, again and again, but they always caught her and she couldn't escape the filthy hands. Even though she knew she was in another of her nightmares, she still couldn't get away from it. Why!? She had taken the beast blood! It was supposed to make her stronger! Why did she still find herself trapped in her nightmares!? She screamed out of frustration and despair as she kept fighting against the hands. Why couldn't she escape!? Why! The laughter was becoming louder and louder as her fear was just increasing. Where was that new strength she was supposed to have? She felt completely defenseless, a mere toy for the ruthless hands surrounding her... Dammit why was she so weak!

"Calm down." Came a soft voice, piercing through the laughter. "You are strong." It continued, still as soft but with assurance, as if what it said was a fact. Really? But she couldn't calm down. They were everywhere, she feared if she let her guard down, they would overpower her completely. "It's your fear that gives them power. Calm down and look again. They're not as many as you think. You can take them down." The laughter had begun to die down, there weren't as many smiling men now, but there were still too many hands on her. Could she really take them down? She had never been able to. It hurt so much everytime she tried. The hands came back onto her at full force and she couldn't keep the slight calm she had regained. No, she was too weak. "You. Are. Strong. You worked hard to prove me so. Don't let anyone and certainly not a dream say otherwise." Said the voice firmly this time. What? "I know you can do it. It's your dream. Your fear controlled it, now it's your turn lil' pup." Lil' pup... Vilkas... Suddenly everything seemed to slow down, as if in a momentum. Vilkas was there... The momentum was ending, the hands were coming forth, the laughter too, but now, somehow, a small part of her mind didn't focus on them as much while irritation was pushing it's way through the fear.

"Don't call me that." She growled, now wasn't the time to tease her dammit! The momentum had ended but there seemed to be less hands and not as much laughter.

"Beat them up and I'll think about it." She could hear the smirk in his whisper and it made her frown as her irritation grew. She didn't know how he did it, but he was so irritating that she almost forgot her current predicament. Strange... For a second there, she distinctly felt fingertips brush her forehead and the side of her face. It wasn't one of her assailants' disgusting hands. It was a warm and gentle touch. "I prefer that look." She heard him whisper again. "Now go kick that nightmare's ass." She opened eyes she didn't remember to have closed and realized she wasn't suffocating anymore, nor was she blinded by fear. She could now see that there were only two men before her. They were still laughing, but somehow it wasn't as creepy or terrifying as before. That's right. They were just two cowards who could only catch a girl by attacking from behind! She had killed freaking dragons, there was no way she would let them win against her.

*** Vilkas ***

A muffled scream woke him up in the middle of the night. Cursing, he shot out of his bed and rushed to the door. How many nights had they been woken by her nightmares... Though no one ever dared to make a comment to her, not even Athis or Njada, surprisingly. Well, what was being woken up from time to time compared to not being able to wake up from your own nightmares... Still, even if he didn't approve of her taking the beast blood, he had hoped, like Aela and Evy, that after taking it her subconscious would finally feel safe. In the hallway he saw some Companions who had also been woken up by the scream, but he told them to go back to sleep. As he was opening the door where it came from, Aela had began to protest and he just glared at her.

"We tried your way. Now you let me handle it." He snarled and just shut the door behind him.

Going to the bed hastily, he crouched beside it and looked at the girl who was crying in her sleep, her face twisting in fear and helpless frustration as she gripped her bed's sheet, struggling against invisible enemies. Guess subconsciousness were harder to convince then they had hoped. In that case, he would just have to convince it himself.

"Calm down... You are strong." He whispered to her softly. If he spoke too loud it would wake her and although a part of him did want her to get her out of her nightmare right away, he knew it wouldn't help her in the end. Until now waking her hadn't kept the nightmares from returning night after night and he could only reach her subconscious while she was asleep so they would have to endure it some more.

"I can't... they're everywhere... I'm too afraid they'll overpower me..." She answered and he almost sighed in relief when he saw they could communicate, though she was still asleep. Even if he didn't like what she was saying, it would be easier to guide her like this.

It was hard, her subconscious was as stubborn as her, but he somehow managed to make her overcome her fear... although at some point it appeared to be because she was more irritated at him than anything else. He didn't care, as long as it decreased her fear, she could even punch him when she'd wake up, he didn't give a damn. As long as she managed to escape with her own strength. And she did, a few minutes that felt like an eternity after he had told her to kick that nightmare's ass... He had sat down on the ground, waiting, searching for clues as to what was happening in her nightmare in case she needed him to guide her again. She had stopped struggling but her tension still hadn't subsided. He knew the moment it was over when her body relaxed. He didn't know if she would wake up. He hadn't always woken up when Kodlak had done it for him in his childhood. But before he could decide whether to leave or not, her eyes fluttered slowly open and met his.

"Vilkas...?" She whispered sleepily. He smiled and couldn't resist for his hand to caress the side of her face.

"Yeah... I'm here." He answered softly while gently pushing strands of hair away from her face. Before he could take away his hand though, she put her own over his, pressing it against her cheek. She closed her eyes for a moment and he thought she had gone back to sleep.

"Thank you..." She whispered. He smiled at that and got up on one knee so he could kiss her on top of her hair.

"Goodnight lass. Sleep well now." He whispered back and he began to stand up to leave. He gently slipped his hand from under hers, but she caught it back before he got out of her reach and he looked back down into the young woman's opened eyes.

"Stay..."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea... You still have a hard time around men."

"Not around you anymore... My body recognize your scent." He blinked, but with his hearing, he couldn't have heard her wrong. 'Her body recognized his scent'? How the hell was he supposed to react to _that_!? Her mind was clearly too asleep to actually realize what she was saying. She tugged lightly on his hand. "Please." and then he sighed.

"Just this once." The small happy smile that lit her face when he complied was just so... irresistibly cute. She moved back a bit to make him space, still not letting go of his hand, and he did as she wanted. Once he was laying beside her she came back against him and he just couldn't put up a resistance anymore as he wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her hair. He heard her sigh contentedly and her body relaxed as she fell asleep, just like that night, so many months ago... And like so many months ago, only one thought came to his mind _"She really is going to be the death of me..."_ He sighed and closed his eyes to try going to sleep. For the first time in a long time, he slept well. In fact, the last time he slept so well, was a certain night, when he had held a certain stubborn woman in his arms...

When he woke up the next morning, she was still asleep in his arms. They hadn't moved at all. _He_ hadn't moved, he hadn't turned, he hadn't searched in his bed for something that wasn't there, he hadn't woke up with mysterious feeling of deception lingering in his mind. He finally understood what that something he was always searching actually was. This time, he hadn't searched because that missing thing, or rather that missing someone, had stayed in his arms for the rest of the night.

"Stubborn woman... Even when you're not there you find a way to drive me crazy..." He muttered against her hair and she stirred, making him tense. Had he just thought that out loud? Had she heard?

"Hmm..." She nuzzled her face against his bare chest and that didn't help him relax, nor did the feeling of a sweet smile against his skin. "Love this smell..." She mumbled sleepily and he wondered if she was still asleep. "Smells like forest after a storm... Hmm just like Vilkas... huh?" Seemed like realization finally hit her because she tensed, though it didn't seem like a frightened tension like before, more like one of shock or something. He felt her eyelash tingle his skin as she blinked her eyes open. She moved away from his chest with a gasp but not from his arms, as if her body didn't want to get out of his embrace and she just looked up at him with confused eyes.

"... 'morning sleepy head." He said, as if this whole thing didn't bother him at all... It didn't, except for the awkwardness her confused stare was trying to bring.

"You... I..." Gods this reminded him a lot of a certain cursed morning... Her eyes appeared to notice the room behind him and she began to look around, seeming disoriented for a second as she blinked again. "Where..."

"Your new bedroom." Her eyes came back to him. "You asked me to stay..." And like that 'cursed morning' he saw dots connecting in her eyes as memories seemed to come back little by little.

"I heard you in my nightmare..." She finally said as she began to remember.

"Yes."

"You said I was strong"

"You are." Without a doubt.

"And that I needed to calm down."

"And you have." Eventually.

"Why didn't you just wake me?" She asked, though it wasn't accusation as much as curiosity.

"Because you would never have fought your fears if I had... I also told you to kick that nightmare's ass." He said softly and tucked the rebellious strand of hair out of her face before adding "And you did." Not able to think rationally and pull his hand back yet, he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"Thank you..." She whispered as they were loosing themselves in each other's eyes.

As if some force was pulling them toward one another, they slowly moved closer. It was like time was stopping as their lips brushed tentatively, as if both afraid to break the spell and realize what they were doing. But neither pulled away, neither seemed to want to pull away, and their eyes closed as they were finally leaning in to kiss. And reality came crashing the spell into bits as knocks on the door made them jump away from each other, before their lips actually met for real. They both paused, farther away now but still with their arms around the other while realization was making it's way in their head. Knocks were heard again. Evy looked at the door and then at Vilkas who just lifted an eyebrow. It was her room. She decided what she wanted to do. She seemed as embarrassed and as frustrated as she seemed unwilling to move out of his arms and this made the situation a little less frustrating and a little more amusing.

"Evelianna?" Was heard behind the door. Great. Aela. He groaned inwardly but was surprised to hear a small growl coming from her too. It would have made him chuckle if she wasn't trying to scramble out of the bed and away from him... He sighed and sat up on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face as the pup was cracking her door open to speak with the source of their interruption. The source of his growing irritation. Damn that woman. Couldn't she sense he was there or was she doing it on purpose?

"Yes Aela?" Asked the girl sheepishly and he could hear laugh in the huntress' answer.

"You don't need to act like that, I can smell him in there, no need to hide it." Then why the hell did she knock!? As if reading his mind she added, annoying amusement seeping from her voice. "I thought you might need some rescuing." What the heck 'rescuing'? She laughed a bit and he could imagine the face the pup was showing..."No really, I just wanted to talk to you about a mission. But did I perhaps interrupt something?" Yes!

"No no! Don't worry, you didn't interrupt anything" Except a kiss that didn't seem to be one-sidedly longed for since an eternity! After all, she leaned in too dammit! Why did she act like nothing happened!? That was beginning to annoy him more than the interruption itself. "Hum, you said you had a mission?" She ran a somewhat nervous hand in her hair and he caught a glimpse of a reddening ear. Good, this meant she too was thinking about what Aela 'didn't interrupt'... Damn woman. She was most probably laughing at him in her head right now.

"Oh don't worry, we can talk about it later." Then why did she- his wolf growled in frustration and he tried to calm down. It would be stupid and absolutely childish to give so much control to his wolf for such a dumb matter as the damn woman keeping him from kissing _his_ lil' pup on purpose! _"No, calm down, you said it yourself, it'd be dumb to outburst just for that. There'll be other occasions. After all she leaned in too, so she wants it too. Even after knowing my wolf wants to mark her as my mate."_ He thought...

Or did she really understand? This doubt came to him while he glanced at her yet again while eating breakfast in the mead hall. They didn't eat together since he had come up first and the huntress had caught the pup as soon as she had entered the room, bringing her to a table in the farthest corner from him... Damn woman... But what could he do? Their relationship wasn't one where he could go to them and claim the seat next to the pup as his... In fact, he didn't think any relationship gave him such rights without making him feel foolishly childish. Even in a case where she officially became his mate he wouldn't dare to do that... Then again, if she was officially his, she wouldn't have gone to sit so far away but would have invited the huntress to sit with them as she would have wanted to settle next to _him_. And that is how his wandering thoughts of 'what ifs' brought back the memories of the discussion they had, or more like their questions and answers session... And that made him realize just how little reactions he had gotten from her about the subject of mating and marking and even his admitting of being jealous... In fact, he was beginning to doubt she even realized he had plain told her he saw her as his mate! First she had appeared so confused about the jealousy thing and he didn't understand what could be so confusing. Was there really more than a way to interpret 'the stench of a man on you made me so jealous I almost went berserk'? Sure, him previously avoiding her and everything wasn't that convincing of him wanting her for himself... But anyhow! If she was so confused, why didn't she ask him for an explanation? It's like she just brushed the jealousy part aside and only focused on the 'couldn't think straight' part. And the following exchange just made matter worst. Really, why did he have to pause at that moment of all thing? Damn his perverted wolf and his perverted thoughts. " _I would never ever willingly make you cry... Except make you cry of pleasure as I..._ " He coughed, almost choking on his food and averted his eyes from her to drink a bit. _"Yeah... better not go back on that trail of thoughts right now."_ He thought once his cough had calmed down. Going back to his memories of that night, he decided it was wiser to just skip to his memory of the 'mate' subject, trying to see if that talk should or should not have at least made her suspect anything about his feeling... Of course when he had admitted to have marked her, he had actually feared she might make the connection with the 'when a wolf finds it's mate, it marks it as his' and that it might make things awkward between them again... But what was with the complete absence of reaction from her? There was no awkwardness and he thanked the Divines for that, but now that he thought about it there was just no reaction at all, neither good nor bad, there was nothing! Didn't she have even the smallest hint of what marking someone meant?

"What's troubling you this time?" Came the amused voice of his brother as he settled beside him. He quickly chased his last thoughts away and looked at him with a neutral face.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not blind you know, I saw that frown of yours." Laughed Farkas and he rolled his eyes, but what his twin said next... "What is it? she kicked you out of her bed came morning?" Vilkas' frown came back.

"What are you talking about now?"

"Oh come on, I saw you get out of her room!"

"Shut up." He muttered, turning back to the last bits of food left on his plate and his brother just laughed more. That's when he noticed he couldn't smell her in the room anymore. Lifting his head, he saw that both women had left the mead hall. Damn...

"Don't worry, they're just going to take care of some bandits' camp not far from here. Should be back tonight at worst." Vilkas looked at him.

"And how do you know that? Aela made sure that I wouldn't hear them across all the noise." Farkas just shrugged at that.

"I walked beside them when I came to see you. Heard them talk about it. Like I said, you don't need to worry about her. I'm sure she'll be back in time to cuddle against you tonight."

"Where the hell did that come from!?"

"Don't tell me you stayed in her room all night without even _trying_ something" Farkas said with big unbelieving eyes.

"She's uneasy around men remember?" Well... apparently not around him but saying that wouldn't help him get his twin off his back.

"She didn't appear that uneasy beside you... In fact, I'd say she wasn't uneasy near men only when _you_ were near her."

"Your point?"

"She feels safe when she's around you. That also means that you're probably the only one against who she'd cuddle." He was grinning from ear to ear and Vilkas groaned.

"Non sense." He finished his breakfast and went to train some whelps, not wanting to listen to anymore stupid things his brother had to say.

He only saw the pup again late that night. He had been searching something in his bed while sleeping and not finding him had ended up waking him. He was thirsty and there wasn't any water left so he got up to fetch some. He didn't even bother to put on a shirt, just went out with his pants loosely tied and hanging on his hips, the water pitcher in his hand. He might have missed her if he hadn't smelled her in the kitchen. She was sitting at a table, eating while lost in her thought as she stared into space with a blank look. It didn't take long though before she blinked and looked around to finally meet his eyes.

"Vilkas..."

"Didn't know you had returned." He went to fill his pitcher with water.

"We returned about an hour ago or so."

"And Aela?"

"Went directly to bed."

"But you decided to have a midnight snack." He glanced at the plate in front of her.

"Yeah... was a little hungry." she said with a little smile.

"And...?" He push forward and she grimaced before sighing in defeat.

" _And_ I don't feel like going to sleep yet."

"Still afraid of your nightmares?" He had seen her many times try to exhaust herself with training and such until late, obviously in the hope that when she'd go to sleep she would just collapse and avoid dreaming.

"A little. Last night was the first time I was actually able to face my fears and escape them, thanks to you... I regained a bit of strength and I now know that I can actually win against my dreams but..." She sighed, raking a hand through her hair as she continued "I don't know what'll happen this night around. I was lucky you heard me and decided to guide me then, but..." She paused and blinked, as if realizing something she had just said, though he didn't see what could have made her pause, and then she turned to him waving her hands in front of her with an embarrassed look. "I'm not saying this to make you feel like you'd need to watch over my sleep again or anything like that! I'm sure I can take care of myself this time. After all you showed me the way." While she had been going on about how she didn't mean whatever she thought it had sounded like, he had just walked silently to her until he was in front of her and gazing down into her eyes as she trailed off "Really, you don't have to bother with this at all..." When she seemed to have calmed down a bit, or at least finally decided to shut up, only then did he speak.

"Don't worry about me and just tell me: would you like me to stay with you tonight. And whatever other nights that you might need until you can vanquish your nightmares on your own." Her eyes widened and he suspected she wasn't thinking only about her dreams so he added. "I won't try anything on you unless you show interest for it. I can even sleep on the floor if you'd like-"

"How could I possibly make you sleep on the floor?" He arched an eyebrow.

"Would you prefer I sleep with you in bed? I don't mind either way but if I sleep in your bed, I can't promise you of the position we'll be in when morning come..."

"I-I-I never asked you to sleep in my room in the first place! It's a really kind offer, I appreciate it, but I'd be more than embarrassed to ask you-"

"Well, you're not the one asking. I'm the one proposing it. But it doesn't matter to me whatever you choose." He shrugged but his hand was itching to caress her face or run into her ebony locks. "If you change your mind, don't hesitate to come knock on my door ok?" He couldn't bear the itching anymore and allowed one finger to stroke her cheek before he forced himself to step away, taking his water pitcher to head back.

"Wait!" Well, it had taken him the time to reach the kitchen's door. He stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"Hm?"

"Maybe... just for tonight? Just to see if I really have managed to kick the nightmares ass for good..." He doubted it was that simple, that is why he had proposed to watch over her sleep for the time being. He nodded his head toward the door, inviting her to follow him.

"Come on, let's go to sleep." Was all he said and he was rewarded with a shy but relieved smile that graced her lips as she stood up to go back with him.

He really must have a masochist side to him to even think of proposing such an arrangement to her. He suspected it even more when he realized he, in fact, didn't give a damn if he'd have to suffer not doing anything to her as she nuzzled into his chest, safely wrapped in his arms. As long as he could make her feel safe and help her with her nightmares, he couldn't care less about the incoming boner he'd have to ignore throughout the night... And anyway, it was better than waking up searching for her in his bed... Yeah... May the gods help him, he truly was becoming a masochist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooook this kind of feel like an interlude or something when I think back on it. After all there doesn't seem to be a lot going on in this chapter, but I was kind of in a pinch of inspiration as I didn't see myself just jumping right into the Silver Hands mess coming up. And I had this idea of Vilkas helping Evelianna overcome her nightmares so she can begin moving forward... So yeah, I just went with the flow and from there came a little bit of hurt, a little bit of comfort, with a whole lot of messing with Vilkas' mind and some sweet moments too. Kind of sooth a bit more all the heavy things that happened in previous chapters. And it did help me prepare the grounds for the Silver Hands mess...
> 
> Next chapter is in progress, but it might take a few days before I can actually finish it due to my schedule. I will do my best to upload it before the end of the week though. ^^


	11. Always Listen To Bad Feelings

***Evelianna***

 

The sound of knocking at the door slowly woke Evelianna from her sleep, but it was the cold sheets under her searching hand that made her open her eyes. A sigh escaped her lips and she groaned inwardly at her hand's new stupid habit. It had been a month since she had told Vilkas that she should be ok on her own. How could a habit from four little nights still continue on after a whole month!? Sure, it was really nice to sleep in his arms and a part of her would have preferred to use her possible nightmares as an excuse to keep him sleeping in her bed... But another part of her was afraid to give in to her growing desires. The fourth night, instead of nightmares she had dreamed of him, those hot, passionate dreams that had already hunt her in the past. The next morning she had felt so awkward, looking in his ice blue eyes that would paradoxically set her body on fire. They had almost kissed, again, but she had moved away when she had sensed her wolf go wild inside. She didn't know what would happen if she gave in, how far it would go... She remembered how oblivious to everything else she would become whenever he had kissed her. And that was when she still didn't have the beast blood. As long as she didn't feel completely in control of her wolf, she preferred to not take any chances. Not to mention how it could mess with their relationship again. She didn't really know what that relationship was, but she liked it for now. They still bickered with each other, he still got on her nerves and she still got on his... but somehow it had become more fun. She could see flickers of amusement in his eyes when they had witty exchanges and she didn't feel that sort of animosity he had toward her at the beginning. And before she noticed, their bickering had become more like banters. Yes, things had changed a lot... New knocks on the door pulled her out of her thoughts and she sighed, getting out of bed to go answer whoever was there. The scent that came to her before she opened informed her it was Aela and sure enough there she was, grinning down at her.

"Get ready, we're going on a mission."

"Good morning to you too..." she grunted sleepily, trying to rub some of that sleep out of one eye.

"Yeah, yeah, good morning. Now quick, get your things! We have a big hideout to get rid off and if we leave now, we should be there by the end of the day. Come on now quick!"

"Ok, ok! Get me something to eat on the road while I get my things. I'll eat breakfast on the way there."

"Good!" The huntress turned and walked away while Evy closed her door to get changed and prepare her pack for the mission. She had forgotten to ask Aela for more informations, but she would probably tell her more on the road...

"When you said we had a big hideout to take care of, I thought you were talking about a mission we had received." Said the young woman with uncertainty, hours later. They had walked almost all day and it was late afternoon when they had reached the 'meeting point' as Aela said. Meeting point with who?

"Well it is a mission, but we didn't get hired for it. Let's just say it's a late 'welcome into the circle' kind of mission." Oh how this didn't reassure Evelianna.

"Aela. I followed you to this place without you even giving me any clear explanations. Tell me what's going on. What is this all about? Who are we supposed to meet?"

"I told you, the mission is to take care of this hideout, give a blow to the Silver Hands." She replied as if it was the most obvious thing.

The Silver Hands, of course. Farkas had told her a bit about this organization when she had first encountered them with him. After she had taken the beast blood, Aela had given her more information on the subject, but Evy didn't share the same beliefs as her. Of course she knew and understood the threat they represented for the Companions and more importantly for the Circle, but after attacking one of the Silver Hands' camp, she didn't feel so right about it. It was as if a small voice in the back of her mind told her she had done something uncalled for, that she had done something wrong. She had spoke of this with Aela, told her that, maybe, attacking people who hadn't done anything against them personally wasn't right. The huntress had frowned at her and told her that those people had taken the side and beliefs of the Silver Hands, thus voluntarily deciding to chase their kinds and kill them all. They had chosen to be their enemies. Their attack on that camp should be seen as a prevention. The less Silver Hands there was, the less threat they would be for the Companions, for them, for Farkas, Vilkas... _"Don't get this wrong, none of those bastards would have thought twice before trying to kill you. We're only defending ourselves from potential attacks from their side. What? You'd prefer to wait until they kill one of us before accepting to attack them?"_ She had told her and Evy did understand what she was saying... but she still didn't feel right about this whole thing and Aela must have sensed her ambiguousity because she didn't try to propose any more attacks on Silver Hands camp after that. Up till then.

"Guess Skjor got sick of waiting and decided to start without us." Aela's amused comment brought Evy back to their current situation.

"Skjor?"

"Yeah, this is supposed to be one of their main hideouts so I thought it'd be best to have the three of us, just in case. He went on ahead of us to scout the place while I was going to wake you up. We were supposed to meet here." She sighed and shook her head, but there wasn't any trace of worry as she chuckled. "Oh well, come on, let's go before he decides to keep all the fun to himself!" She finished and it confirmed yet again that their point of views on the matter differed. Fun? It made it sound as if the 'kill them before they kill us' she had given her until then was just a pretext. Really, what fun was there to take away a person's life? In this case it almost looked like gratuitous slaughter to her. Sparring, training, brawling, beating idiots and smashing their egos to pieces... Those were fun. Not bath of blood in the name of defending themselves against _potential_ attacks that hadn't happened yet! Nonetheless, there was no way she was letting her shield-sister go in there alone, even if it was just to go meet Skjor, so Evelianna followed the huntress as she headed for the fortress, pushing aside the bad feeling this mission was giving her.

...

_**A few days earlier...** _

Even if she had become a skillful fighter over the time she had trained with the Companions, she still had some hard times with certain type of opponents. Knowing that much, she had tried sparring with Farkas to improve herself when going against 'blocks of muscles' kind of enemies... And to her displeasure she had found herself on her bottom more than she would like to admit. Vilkas had been in the courtyard during that time and while they were taking a break after yet another meeting between her butt and the ground, he had decided to give her some advice.

"You know, you should stop seeing your small frame as a weakness you need to compensate. Use it to your advantage instead. After all, the bigger and stronger your opponent, the more you will be underestimated."

"Yeeaah I think I recall something like that..." She said with a teasing smirk and he rolled his eyes.

"If you don't want advice, feel free to say so and keep on getting knocked off your feet for all I care."

"Ok ok! Sorry, I was just teasing you." She said, laughter in her voice. He shook his head a bit but there was the ghost of a smile on his lips before he carried on.

"Like I was saying, even though you are stronger than you look, on terms of physical strength, you can't compare with enemies built like Farkas or myself. In those situations, you should depend more on the speed and agility that small frame of yours gives you from the start. Favor dodging over blocking, as deflecting blows will sap your strengths faster, not to mention the high possibility of destabilizing you. Conversely, always dodging your enemies' attacks will unsteady them instead, whether they're able to stop the full force of their attack's motion or not. Plus, sooner or later, you'll end up naturally doing what you're best at." It was his turn to smirk and she lifted an eyebrow.

"Which is?"

"Getting on people's nerves." He said as if stating an undeniable fact, though she could see amusement in his eyes. But before she could reply, he carried on more seriously. "Of course it won't work with me or Farkas, we know of your strengths and abilities. But against a real enemy, not being able to land a hit on a supposedly small fry will surely irritate your opponent to no end, thus his attacks will become more powerful from the frustration, but his energy will wear off faster. In some cases, the irritation might even end up blinding your enemy and bring him to make mistakes. And that's when lil' pups like yourself have the best chances to take big guys down." She tried to ignore the 'pup' thing although she did have an annoyed look on her face for a second when he said it. And seeing his unfaltering amusement, he had caught on her annoyance before she could hide it.

"So, in short your saying I should play cat and mouse?" She arched an eyebrow again.

"That's a way to put it I guess." He chuckled "Although normally, in such case, the bigger the cat the less dexterity it has."

"Oh well, I can always give it a try" She shrugged nonchalantly, wanting to tease him some more but she ended up giving him a little smile anyway "Thanks..." The smile grew wider as she stepped back slowly "Hey Farkas! Wanna play cat and mouse?" She called out, now grinning to Vilkas before she turned toward his twin.

...

 _"But against a real enemy, not being able to land a hit on a supposedly small fry will surely irritate your opponent to no end..."_ Vilkas' words were ringing in her mind as she was evading another attack from her current 'real enemy', whom she suspected to be the leader of the place. In any case, he was one big block of muscles and his blows were powerful ones, enough to smash her shield useless with just two hits. She had been knocked off her feet, but before he could land a decisive blow, she had managed to shout him away from her. Lucky she had improved her ability to shout so she could actually use it when she wanted to. This had given her enough time to get back on her feet and she had then opted for the full on 'cat and mouse strategy'. Well... She never thought Vilkas would be accurate to such an extent. Just like he had told her, it was way easier to dodge than block the attacks and it seemed to irritate him little by little, which made a smirk stretch her lips little by little, which just added fuel to the fire that was his frustration. Again, like Vilkas had warned her, his blows became even more powerful as it was driven by his growing anger, but it also slowed his movements when he had to pull back, on top of making him more unstable. She attacked every time she saw an opening, though she never managed to make life-threatening wounds, but it did help infuriate him a bit more with each strike.

"You damn wench! I'll skin you alive!" he shouted, outraged, as he was swinging his sword with all his might, not paying any attention on techniques or whatever anymore, just wanting to hit the 'damn wench'.

Again she avoided his sword, but the cursed weapon actually made a column crumble upon receiving the man's blow. Jumping away from falling rubbles, she found herself cornered, unable to escape as he was already towering her with murderous anger. The smile that came to his lips almost made him look insane as the satisfaction to kill her with one powerful blow drove him to swing more than pull the sword to ready his deadly attack. The force of that swing slowed his movement as he tried to prevent his upper body from leaning back too much, but then he froze completely. If he understood his mistake at some point, she did not know, but it was already too late. The hilt of her sword against his throat, he lowered his disbelieving eyes and met her unwavering gaze. Her blade slid out of his neck as his body fell backward and she watched his lifeless body slump to the ground.

Still a bit breathless, she looked around, the buzzing in her ears from the surge of adrenaline subsiding slowly. She finally saw that Aela's wolf form was still fighting against the remaining Silver Hands, though the beast seemed to be less weakening in it's attacks. She would be reverting back to her human form any minute now. Dashing toward the last enemies who were focused on the wolf, she jumped on a stall near the battle and called out to them.

"HEY! Forgot about me guys?" An arrogant smirk was playing on her lips while their heads snapped toward the sound of her voice.

The distraction cost the lives of a woman under the wolf's claws and some Silver Hands returned to attacking it while the others went to attack the small woman with the big attitude. She jumped off the stall and backed away, her eyes going from one approaching opponent to the next, analyzing the situation. Time was running out for her friend and Evy didn't want to take the risk of letting enemies near her when the transformation would begin. But now that she was far enough from her...

"YOL!" The blazing shout set everyone before her on fire and they dispersed in disarray with agonizing screams.

Quickly killing those in her way, Evelianna ran toward the last threats to take them down. She was just in time as a silver sword was going down on the reverting wolf. She blocked it, swiftly leaping between Aela and the two men, and repelled the blade. She cut the side of a leg during the pulling back of her sword and gave a deadly strike to the leg's owner in the unsteady moment the wound had brought him. A flash of silver caught the corner of her eyes and stinging pain shot through her arm, drawing a hissing scream from her as she couldn't fully dodge the attack. Turning to the only bastard that was left standing, she pulled all her remaining forces and lashed out at him. By chance, Aela's wolf form had done a lot of damage and he was already half way to his grave so she was able to deal with him before her own injuries took the better of her.

At last, the chamber fell into the grim silence that came after every fierce battle of all instance. Even so, the young woman scanned the room, searching for any signs of possible threat. There was none. That is until movement behind her was heard, making her turn quickly in a defensive stance that relaxed the moment she saw it was Aela putting clothes on. She looked away, going back to scanning the room, sword still in hand as she was currently the only one in a position to protect them. Nevertheless, she kept an ear to her friend's movements in case she needed assistance for something. It didn't take long before the huntress walked silently passed her to go kneel beside Skjor's body.

"He should never have gone alone..." She whispered, clenching her fists as anger was growing inside her "Dammit why didn't he wait for us!" She said more loudly. Evelianna approached her and Aela glared at her when she arrived beside her. "This is all your fault! If only you hadn't taken so much time!" She screamed at her. "Are you satisfied now!? Have you righteous reason enough to accept why we should attack them before they do!? You and your great principles... I told you they would end up killing one of us! I warned you this would happen sooner or later! But nooo you needed to wait until one of us actually died from their hands before thinking maybe they really did pose a serious threat!"

And Aela kept on blaming her for what had happened. The young woman had flinched when she had first accused her, but after her surprise subsided, she stayed unaffected by the angry words the huntress was throwing at her. She knew her friend didn't truly think what she was saying. Right now she needed a culprit she could blame for this death. She needed someone, something, anything, on which she could properly vent all her anger. It seemed meaningless to pour it on their fallen shield-brother or Krev, most certainly the one who had killed him. They were both dead. Evelianna was alive. It was better and easier to push everything onto her. So she waited, silent, immobile, just looking calmly at Aela who kept on blaming her for what happened until she calmed down and fell silent herself, catching her breath. Nothing was heard for a moment until she spoke again, this time without the previous accusing tone and certainly more calm.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said those things..." The huntress apologized, averting her eyes from Evelianna as she looked back at Skjor. "I shouldn't have blamed you who did everything to protect me without regards for your own life..."

"It's ok, don't fret about it." She simply said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

They fell silent again and it is only a few minutes later that they began to discuss what should be done. Evelianna ended up returning alone to Jorrvaskr to tell the others of Skjor's death as Aela stayed to make the preparations to bring his body back so he could have a proper funeral. Everyone mourned his death in their own way. He hadn't been the most sociable or the most friendly person among them, but he was still a Companion, a member of the Circle... a part of the family... Even so, the most affected among all of them was Aela. While everyone else had long gone to the mead hall, the huntress had stayed behind after the funerals and Evelianna went to see her, a bit worried for her friend. Although she seemed to be staring blankly into the flames consuming the body of their shield-brother, she still sensed her approaching.

"I will avenge him Evelianna..." She declared darkly keeping her eyes on the fire before her.

"We already did Aela. Krev is dead and we even killed every last Silver Hand there was in that place."

"It is not enough! I want all of them dead! I want to wipe out the whole organization!" She looked away from the flames to meet her gaze. "And I want you to help me. I won't be able to do this alone... But mark my words I will do it even if you don't accept to help me, shall I go to my death doing so, I will still hunt down every one of them!" The determination in her eyes told the young woman that she was serious. Whether she did help her or not wouldn't make a difference, Aela would go at war against the Silver Hands even if she didn't get her assistance. Even if she still didn't feel like this was a good idea, she couldn't just let her friend go up against such a dangerous organization all by herself. And after all, it was a dangerous organization, maybe it would actually be best to bring them down...

"I will try to help you however I can." She said, trying to push back the bad feeling that was growing inside her...

Oh how she should have listened to that damn feeling. Why didn't she listen!? Why didn't she give credit to that voice the first time it told her this whole thing was one big mistake? Why! Why didn't she confide to Kodlak before jumping in all this madness? Now it was too late. Alarm bells had rang in her head when she had seen the dead Silver Hands on the stairs leading to Jorrvaskr, with Aela and Torvar still holding their weapons ready to battle. And then she had met a furious Vilkas upon entering the mead hall which looked like hell had just broken loose inside it. She almost didn't hear his "Where the hell have you been!?", her eyes having caught sight of a body in particular. Why didn't she listen to her instinct back when it could have made a difference? This question kept echoing in her mind as she approached Kodlak's lifeless body, almost disbelieving this was real. Maybe she was just in another of her nightmares... How she would have preferred it to be so. But this was real. Her knees met the hard floor, but she didn't acknowledge the dull pain it caused. All of her was focused on the Harbinger laying in front of her. This was so cruel. She had just gotten back from the Glenmoril Coven, she had the cure Kodlak was seeking for so long, right there, just a foot away from him, in the sack that had slipped from her grasp. The cure he had been seeking for so many years... The cure he would never have _"Because of those damn Silver Hands!"_ She thought, her wolf trashing wild inside, being fueled by the helpless rage that rose more and more in her... A part of her knew that this was because of her and Aela's actions, that the past was repeating itself and she should not let grief blind her like it blinded her friend. But it was too late, her rage and grief had already overthrown her sense of reason.

"Prepare your things. You're coming with me." Said a cold voice above her. She tore her eyes from the elder man and looked up to Vilkas... The old one, the stern, harsh, disapproving looking Vilkas she had known at first. No more amusement, no more complicity, no more smiles. Just a hard icy gaze looking down at her with anger brewing in the depth of his eyes. Still, what he said confused her more.

"What?"

"I am going to avenge his death and retrieve the fragments of Wuuthrad they stole. And you're coming with me." His eyes became accusing "It's the least you should do after being absent when we needed you the most. When _he_ needed you." Each words were like daggers stabbing her heart and it felt even more painful coming from his merciless voice. He was right. This was her fault. If only...

" _This is no time to admonish myself. Later, after we made those bastard pay for their crimes."_ She told herself, standing up.

"I'll go prepare." She said before walking passed him to go downstairs.

"You better not take your damn time." He snarled and she glanced back at him, throwing her reply over her shoulder as she continued her way.

"You're the one wasting my time with such pointless threats."

She went to her room, fighting her tears until she closed her bedroom's door. It was already painful enough with Kodlak's death, but the reverting in her relationship with Vilkas... No, it wasn't even reverting back to their first bad interactions. It was even worse than that, as if he downright despised her now and it just made the situation hurt all the more. And now they would have to travel gods know how long together in this unbearable atmosphere... _"Right. This must be retribution for my mistakes."_ She thought, wiping her tears as she went on to quickly redo her pack. Her body winced, wanting to have a break, but she had no time for that. She had already wasted enough time pitying herself, Vilkas would have her head if she was to take a nap. So sleep would have to wait too. With her new resolution to put aside her feelings as much as her well being, she finished packing and made sure there was no more trace of tears on her face before heading out to meet Vilkas. He watched her approach, eyeing her from head to toe, and when she finally got to him, he didn't move as he seemed to study her face a few more seconds. She kept her expression closed and unreadable until he finally decided to turn away and began to walk toward the gates without saying a word. This made her feel like she had just won some kind of battle. Yes, his attitude may make this journey a living torture for her and she did accept she deserved such outcome, but she would rather die than let him see just how hurt she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry for the wait! If anyone knows how to put one's life magically on hold pleeaase let me in on that heavenly secret! *Sigh* With that said, about this chapter... Did I already say I didn't like the Silver Hands mess? Well I hate it. (That is the other reason why it took me so much time writing it. Didn't know how to go around this part at all.) Oh well, now that this is finally done I can move on to yet another part of the "Hurt/comfort" in this story. Again, I have a big weekend ahead of me that'll keep me from writing, but I'll do my best to upload a new chapter within the week.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter even though it kind of crushed all the improvements their relationship had made. But you know... Days are always more beautiful after a big storm. And Evelianna did say she liked the smell that reminds her of "the forest after a storm" ;) Though she'll need to go through one hell of a storm before she get to really enjoy that smell again...


	12. A Battle Of Ice And Fire

***Evelianna***

 

Hours had past since they had left the city and Evelianna decided she had enough of this. They had already traveled quite a distance and Vilkas hadn't appeared to give a shit about how she couldn't keep up with his fast pace. At first she tried to, but her legs had already a few days worth of walking around without much good rest so after a while she had just opted for walking at her own pace, thinking he might realize how he had longer legs than hers... Her pace wasn't slow either, she just didn't want to jog up to him anymore. She tried, she really tried to just ignore the fact that he didn't slow down at all even when she was two meters behind him. After the distance between them grew past three meters she finally broke the silence that had stretched since Jorrvaskr.

"If you have changed your mind you can just say so!" She called out. It almost relieved her to see him stop and actually look at her. But his voice was just as cold and hard as his gaze on her.

"What?" She didn't let herself get affected by his tone or the air of 'You better have a good reason to make me stop' he had as he glared at her. She just carried on while using this chance to catch up to him.

"I said, if you don't want me to come along anymore you just have to say so. You don't need to take off at full speed until you get rid of me." And the man dared to frown.

"That is not my intention." He finally said "Now let's go." It almost made it feel like she had wasted time with some stupid matter. He began walking again, but at least this time he took on a pace she could keep up with. Silence came back after that and hung around them, stretching again. _"Well... maybe it's better than to endure harsh comments and painful accusing remarks..."_ She tried comforting herself with this thought... But later on, as the sun was setting, talk couldn't be avoided anymore. Her tired body had been screaming to stop since at least an hour now and Vilkas didn't seem inclined to set camp anytime soon. When they passed by a good camping spot without even slowing down to at least consider it, she decided she was done with this crappy day.

"Vilkas... The sun is setting." He didn't so much as glanced at her, just letting out a faint grunt as acknowledgment of having heard her... _"Really?"_ She thought as she stopped. "Are you intending to travel by night or something?" He noticed she had stopped and looked back at her, but she was continuing without letting him time to answer. "If so I'll meet you there later. I've had enough. I'm tired and that spot right there seem just perfect to set up camp. So go on if you want, _I'm_ going to stop here for today." She finished, crossing her arms, daring him to make another stupid comment like she was wasting time. He just kept looking at her and she felt like he was studying her again, even so she tried not to show just how exhausted she was... though, thinking about it, maybe he would comply more easily if he realized it. After a long moment, a sigh escaped his lips and she didn't quite know how to interpret it. At least he was now going toward that spot he had so blatantly ignored to set the camp. She followed him and began to help but he just grabbed roughly the wood she had collected so far and her eyes met a scowling face.

"Sit there and take out some food to make supper." He growled in an ordering voice. She would have talked back on how she wasn't some useless whelp like his exasperated tone was implying... but on the other hand she really would do with sitting down at last... Damn her pride, she was too tired to be stubborn and try showing him she could set a camp just as well as him. So she swallowed the growl that was rising in her throat and went on to sit down in front of their future campfire. Before she could hold it back, a sigh escaped her lips the moment she settled down. She felt like her legs would have given out any minutes if she had stayed up, so maybe it wasn't such a bad idea that she sat down... Movement in the corner of her eyes made her look to the side and she saw Vilkas coming back with more wood. If only he had told her to sit down because he was worried about her well being... But she knew better than to hope for such a thing right now. He most certainly only wanted her out of his way and have the less contact possible with her. At least, that's how his behavior made her feel. Whatever, she was supposed to take out food right now. She grabbed her pack and began to pull some out, sometime stealing a glance at Vilkas. The man got the fire burning nicely in no time and she started to cook their meal. Gods she was so hungry...

***Vilkas***

He stole a glance at the woman on the other side of the fire and growled inwardly. Really, that stubborn woman... Even though he still couldn't help the anger and bitterness he felt right now toward her, part of the storm clouding his mind had begun to clear. He didn't know why or how as he had never been one to easily see clearly while being overcome by his emotions. Still, his anger had somehow lessened a bit. Surprisingly, the first small hole in his 'storm' had appeared when he had seen the slight redness in her eyes that wasn't there when she had gone down to her room. Redness that told him she had cried although she kept her strong facade in front of him. He knew her enough to make the difference between when she was strong and when she _acted_ strong. Then again, it wasn't enough to blow away his anger and he had just thought that for whatever reason she wanted to act strong, it didn't matter as long as she didn't get in his way. Later she had called out to him, in a way that didn't help restrain his bitter half at first, neither when he had turned to her and seen where she was. Why the hell was she so far behind? Had she been dragging her feet to be so uselessly unable to keep up? He had reminded himself to breath, to calm down and uttered just a curt "What?". But it's her next answer that made a second hole, a bigger one, in his mind's storm. He hadn't realized how fast he had been walking and this had made him frown, even more when she said he wanted to get rid of her. It seemed his wish to get this over with and finally think straight again, had made him take a pace there was no way she could keep up with. His clenched teeth had made his answer harsher than he had intended, but he didn't care that much, they needed to continue their way. Though he did pay attention to his pace after that.

" _You don't need to take off at full speed until you get rid of me."_ Deep down, the thought of wanting to get rid of her had stung his heart, like a splinter that got bigger and bigger as the thought pushed it's way through his brain. Get rid of her? He would never wish for that... Ok, maybe he did try to get rid of her upon their first encounter, but that was only because he somehow sensed this small woman would get his head messed up real bad if he let her get too close. And sure enough she did make him into a mess, but now there was no turning back. So, get rid of her? Like hell he would ever try to! No way. She had found his heart, she would damn well stay in it whether she liked it or not!... And what the heck was he getting so angry for? First he was angry because of grief to the point he could have physically harmed her. Then he was angry at her for implying he wished to get rid of her, his fogged mind changing her words somehow as if she had actually said she wanted to try running away from him. Like he would ever allow her to do that! Sure he was bitter of the fact she wasn't there when they needed her, sure he saw red whenever he thought about how her presence in the battle would have made one hell of a difference, maybe even prevent the death of the person that was the closest to a father to him... But he would never even think about getting rid of her, no matter how much his grief blinded him with unfairly directed rage. At least, all this rummaging had managed to clear more of his storm, enough that when she called out to him a second time, his judgement toward her wasn't so clouded anymore. What he had seen upon turning to her was an all-out strong facade, arms crossed, clenched teeth and challenging eyes that seemed ready to rebel against whatever he would say... But it had been a vain facade as he had noticed the faint quivering in her legs and sensed the overall weakness that had been making her stance slightly sink, no matter how much she tried to hide it. Tired? Bullshit! She was down right exhausted! He had sighed, exasperated before that stupid stubbornness and pride of hers. Why didn't she just say so sooner if she was so tired? What did she think would have happened if they had met a group of bandits!? Dammit! Didn't she care at all about her well being? About her life!? And then the cursed woman just wouldn't go sit down already even though it was clear her legs just wouldn't hold her much longer! His wolf had been growling inside upon seeing that and before he could even think about what he was doing, he had ordered her to go sit her butt down, only being able to hold back the 'Before I make you unable to stand for the rest of the night'. Though he _had_ been tempted to say it anyway when she hadn't complied straight away. Now, stealing another glance at her from across the fire as they ate, he clenched his teeth. She was obviously more tired than she should be and clearly more than what she was willing to show.

"I'll be on watch for the first part of the night. You go to sleep once you finish eating." He said, or more like ordered. She stared at him, almost glared, and he could see an internal battle going on inside her emerald eyes. Surely debating whether to do as he said or talk back at him with something around the lines of how she would go to sleep when she'd feel like it...

"That was already my intention." So she had settled for the 'I'll do it but not because you told me to' attitude in the end.

"Good." He didn't say anything else, afraid of starting a fight neither of them were in a state to take on.

Luckily, she didn't seem keen to talk either so they ate in silence and she went to sleep straight away after that. He looked around their surrounding as he waited to hear her breathing even out before allowing himself to gaze at her again, studying her form wrapped in a sleeping roll. Really... What the heck was going on in that head of hers? Still, no matter how irritating he found her stubbornness to be, he wouldn't ask anything. Neither that question, nor the one that was bugging him since he had seen her enter Jorrvaskr _after_ the battle had ended. That question he had already asked her and which she didn't even acknowledged to have heard. She had been gone for a few days when she came back with a stinking sack. He remembered the look on Farkas' face when he had opened it after she had gone to prepare, forgetting it on the floor. He hadn't asked what it was, he didn't even want to look, his mind too focused on going to extract revenge as soon as possible. Now he regretted not looking into that bag, maybe he could have known the answer to his question without having to speak with her... Nonetheless, he wouldn't ask or say anything more than what was needed. He didn't trust his self to stay calm, to not get his anger mess with his judgement any more than it already had. He preferred to keep it to the bare minimum until his mind was completely cleared. For now he had been able to keep his helpless rage at bay, bottled up inside him, but he feared if he allowed himself to speak too much, these bottled up dark feelings would end up spilling out again. She deserved better than to endure his lashing out because he couldn't get the revenge he sought as fast as he'd like. Part of him knew his silence might make her feel like he was still blaming her, but the risk to hurt her was present either way, so he'd rather take the less risky option. _"Why do I always end up hurting her?"_ He sighed at the thought and carried on keeping watch for the night. He may have told her it would only be for part of the night, but that was only so she wouldn't argue about being able to keep watch as well as him. Oh he knew she would rant about it anyway the next morning, but at least tonight she would sleep better this way, without worrying about how he wasn't going to wake her up. She needed to rest, bad, and he didn't need as much sleep as her. He would be ok even if he stayed awake all night. But oh how he could already feel the headache she was going to give him the next morning... And headache there was, as much as arguing, and they found themselves continuing there journey in one hell of a foul mood.

***Evelianna***

"Vilkas STOP!" She tried to get the man off the leader's bloodied corpse. "He's dead already! You're just hurting yourself! Please stop!"

They had gone through the Driftshade Refuge like a deadly wave driven by vengeance, not just for Kodlak, but as they had gone deeper, it had also become a vengeance for every dead werewolves they had encountered inside their revolting rooms of torture. But now, all the Silver Bastards were killed, even the snickering asshole of a leader that had actually taunted them about how their blood would soon join their Harbinger's one on his sword, thus unleashing Vilkas' wrath and hers on everyone in the chamber. Even so, her rage wasn't as great as Vilkas and she had been able to see just how they had turned the room into a blood bath. But he hadn't stopped punching the asshole's face, even if there was no way he could have survived his attacks. All she could think about now was Vilkas' injuries and how the only harm he was doing now was to himself.

"It's over! They're all dead!" She continued, trying to make him understand. He did stop at last to look at her, but she could see the information hadn't totally sunk in yet. "We killed them all, we retrieved the fragments of Wuuthrad and we made them pay. It's over."

He kept staring at her for a moment longer while he was catching his breath and she was relieved to see his eyes become more focused, more 'Vilkas'. The anger was gradually retreating, the storm that had been brewing inside him, clouding his mind, was finally clearing away, just like hers had.

"Are you hurt?" His question took her aback. It must have shown on her face because a scowl appeared on his face next and he didn't let her any time to reply. "Yes, I worry about you! So stop doing such a stupid face and tell me if you're hurt before I check myself!" He growled and it was her turn to frown, angrily at that as she remembered one frightening event.

"If _I_ am hurt? _I'm_ not the one who got slashed by a damn sword _in the stomach_! Now shut up and _drink_!" She told him through clenched teeth as she shoved a healing potion in his hands. She glared at him, making sure he drank all the damn bottle and she decided to continue scolding him while he couldn't talk back. "By the Nine if you are to jump so blindly in front of a sword again you might as well let me kill you instead! At least I will have the-" He cut her off before she could rant more.

"As if I would have done so if it wasn't aiming a killing blow at your damn butt! You stupid reckless woman you should be grateful I protected you! _Not_ giving me an earful of scolding! Do you have any idea how I-"

"Grateful!?" She cut him off in turn, anger flaring up even more "I could have protected myself! There was no need for you to jump in and get yourself slashed up! And after that I'm the one you always call reckless?" Damn him! How could he think she would be grateful to see him jump between her and the leader to get the blow in her stead!? As always there had been less enemies going against her since Vilkas seemed the powerful one and her the small shrimp. So of course she had found herself in front of the asshole first. She had been able to hold her own for a while but he was strong and faster than the usual 'big blocks of muscles'. This had brought her in a dire position but to her most dreadful fear, Vilkas had pushed her away and taken the blow. The next moment had almost been too fast for her to follow, but the two men had ended up on the ground, without their weapons, and Vilkas pounding the leader dead...

"You were in no position to protect yourself you fool, not fast enough! But fine! Next time I'll just look the other way and let _you_ get slashed up to _death_!" They glared at each other and then he got up. "Drink a potion. We need to get on our way. The others are waiting our return to begin Kodlak's funerals."

She gritted her teeth and did as told since she too wanted to get back as soon as possible. As they made their way out of the cursed place, the realization of their actions sank in Evelianna's mind. They had killed everyone. That had been the plan, Vilkas had taken her with him saying right from the start that they were going to wipe them out... And she had followed him. Even if she was tired to the point of being exhausted, even if her shield-brother seemed to despise her to the very core, even if there was a small voice inside her that was telling her this wasn't any different from what happened with Aela. She still followed him. This brought back the memory of her last discussion with the elder man...

" _I heard you've been busy as of late." Kodlak said, making Evelianna sigh as she sat down._

" _Yeah... More than I would like I dare say." She couldn't keep it from Kodlak. She didn't even understand why this had turned up into such a secretive situation anyway. "To say the truth, Aela is set on avenging Skjor's death and I couldn't bring myself to let her go up against the Silver Hands all by herself..."_

" _Your intentions were noble, but Aela's heart is full of grief and blinds her reason with anger. Skjor's death was avenged long ago. Now more lives were taken than what honor demanded. I fear the cycle of retaliation may continue for some time."_

" _Yes, that is what I was afraid of." She sighed again as Kodlak's words had confirmed her bad feeling wasn't so nonsensical like Aela made her feel._

" _It is honorable to assist your shield-siblings as loyally as you do, but never forget that we are all human beings with faults of our own and emotions that can alter our best judgement. Trust is essential, but one should not follow blindly, all the more if their instinct says something is wrong. For what I know, yours has appeared to be quite knowledgeable up till now." He patted her hand in a fatherly gesture. "Still, what is done is done, we cannot undo the past, but we can use it to improve ourselves and help us make future choices more wisely... If you come to doubt the course of actions to take again, you can always come confide in me, I will be more than happy to give you advice. What you do with those advice is yours to decide, but at least you'll have a third opinion on the matter."_

... Now, Evelianna had the dreadful feeling to have let him down again. Not only had he died because of her past mistakes, she even went and did those same mistakes again! How could she be so stupid!?

"Anyone in there?" She heard Vilkas call out and she blinked as a hand waved in front of her. She looked back at him as he returned to starting their campfire. "Really, we're going to be in trouble if you space out while on watch." He added in a sigh, shaking his head in slight exasperation. Unfortunately, in her current state of mind, his words didn't help at all and his tone seemed just as harsh and accusing as back then at Jorrvaskr's mead hall. That's right, he too thought that she had a part in Kodlak's death. He blamed her for not being there when her presence would have made a difference. Him protecting her back in Driftshade Refuge must only have been out of responsibility, not wanting to have her death on his conscience since he was the one who ordered her to come along. She couldn't help but think she was nothing but an eyesore for him... And she would be even more if he knew just how much her actions had brought the event in which Kodlak found his death.

"Don't worry." She heard herself whisper, keeping her eyes down and her head low. "Once we get back, I'll say my final goodbye to Kodlak and then I'll disappear from your lives... You won't have to bear my presence anymore." _She_ wouldn't manage to bear his dislike at the very least. It was already painful enough as it was. Yes, this was for the best. In any case, she wouldn't be able to look at her fellow friends in the eyes anyway.

"Where the hell did _that_ come from!?" Came the roar of anger from Vilkas, as if her words had made him beside himself. This surprised her as she didn't understand what she could have said to make him this mad. It certainly couldn't be her wish to say goodbye to Kodlak. Even if she got in her most depressed state she still wouldn't imagine he'd be mad she wanted to attend his funerals. But it couldn't be because she said she was leaving either, how could he still want her around after all this? He must have noticed her confusion because he growled more and stopped waiting for an answer. "Don't worry you say? You'll _disappear_ from our lives? I won't have to _bear your presence_!? That's the _worst thing_ to say to prevent me from worrying! What in Oblivion is going on in that thick head of yours!? Why do you think I tried to protect you dammit!"

"Just because you protected me so you wouldn't end up with a bad conscience doesn't mean-"

"What kind of stupid reason is that!? Who in their right minds would risk their own life to protect someone just to avoid having a bad conscience!?"

"I don't see what else there could be! After all why else would you do something so stupid when you actually _despise_ me!" The shock of her answer made him at a loss of word for a second there, before anger came back full force.

" _Despise you_!? Now _that's_ beyond all your other nonsense!"

"Nonsense!? What! You think I'd believe it's not so? While all you did since we left Jorrvaskr is give me the cold shoulder, when you aren't frowning, growling, glaring or spitting harsh things at me! You made me feel like shit but _of course_ I'm the one saying _nonsensical things_!"

"I..." Well, seemed like he finally saw the light! But his stubbornness won anyway as he continued. "It's not what you think-" He tried to explain, actually looking remorseful, but she cut him off nonetheless. She had enough. She didn't want to get her hopes up when she knew there wouldn't be any chance when he'd know the whole truth.

"Don't bother." She stood up, fists clenched tight. "Whatever the reasons you think you have, the fact still remains that I am to blame for his death and nothing will change that!" Tears had begun to sting the back of her eyes and she turned to walk away.

"Where are you going?" She heard him get up too.

"I'm just going to search for more wood! No need to follow me!" She said without turning. There was no way she would let him see her cry. But he didn't listen.

"Wait! Don't go there!" He called out, starting to go after her.

"Argh can't you just leave me alone!" She snapped back, breaking into a run. She just wanted to cry without him seeing her pitiful self, was it too much to ask dammit?

"Stop! You idiot there's-" His words were lost in the strong wind that blew in her face upon stepping in a clearing.

She never stopped, on the contrary, deciding to speed up when she got to the seemingly flat albeit snowy ground. But she didn't go far as a loud crack was heard. The next moment she found herself surrounded by freezing water. Panic overtook her and she tried to swim up toward the only ray of faint light that shone in the darkness surrounding her, but as she could almost touch the edge of ice surrounding the hole, she found herself unable to go further. What!? No! She struggled to get her body to move up more, but it was like something around her ankle was keeping her from reaching the surface! No matter how much she tried, she couldn't touch the ice enough to grab onto it and her panic was stopping her from trying to use her hands to force her ankle out of whatever was around it. If she did she would sink back down and she was already running out of air. Suddenly an arm dove through the ice to catch her and she gripped onto it desperately as it pulled her out of the cursed hole with force, succeeding in breaking free whatever was previously shackling her leg. The young woman coughed and gasped as her lung could finally get some air again. Her mind was still so hazy and focused on breathing that she almost didn't notice she was being pulled farther away from the treacherous snowed over ice. But then, the hands that had held her by the shoulders didn't let go once their bodies had landed onto safe grounds. Instead, the firm hands shook her body furiously while roaring screams of furious scolding were thrown at her.

"Have you completely lost the good senses you were born with!? I told you not to go there! That there was a freaking lake in that direction! As upset as you can be, there should be a limit to that cursed recklessness of yours! Dammit you could have killed yourself!"

"Stop screaming at me! It's not like I did it on purpose! And what do you care if I get myself killed or not anyway!" She yelled back as she tried to break free of his grasp. She hadn't even realized warm tears had begun to spill from her eyes, mixing with the cold droplets of water on her face. But as soon as the words had flew from her lips, he pulled her into his arms, keeping her into a strong, unbreakable embrace and the unexpected gesture stilled her struggles.

"Don't ever think that." His voice sounded strained in her ear, almost as if the mere thought of her last words was painful for him. "I may have let my grief make me act like a jerk for the last couple of days, but don't ever think I do not care for you. I am so sorry for putting any blame on you..." His last words had been whispered but with her wolf's acute hearing, she had heard him loud and clear. Even so, her mind didn't want to acknowledge what this could mean, her grief and guilt kept her from hoping he really did care about her.

"No stop! You can't, you just can't! It _is_ my fault! I don't deserve your forgiveness!" She exclaimed beginning to struggle again.

"What are you talking about! You couldn't have prevented-"

"YES! Yes I could have!" She cut him off "I h-helped Aela attack the Silver Hands and t-they retaliated! I knew t-this could have happened and I d-did nothing to p-prevent it! It-it _is_ my fault if t-they attacked us and k-killed Kodlak! If only I-" The tears had increased as she had begun to blurt out what had weighted on her heart since she had learned of their Harbinger's death, but he had cut her off before she could say more.

"Evelianna!" She had tried to brace herself for his reaction, for his rejection, but she hadn't expected him to take her face with both hands, forcing her to look at him. Nevertheless, she could still see how furious he was becoming. "You are NOT to blame! You-" He interrupted himself, gasping lightly. Surprisingly, all his anger seemed to vanish in an instant as he began to stroke her face with warm hands, like one would to check someone's temperature. "You're freezing!" That was when she realized her body was indeed freezing cold and trembling. This must also be the reason why she had started stuttering so unlike herself... She heard him curse while moving his hands from her face and the next moment he had her in his arms and carrying her back to their camp in a hurry. She thought he would step away once he set her down by the fire, but then he began to unbuckle her armor with dexterous hands.

"Take off your clothes." He ordered once he had taken it off, beginning to do the same with his own gears.

"V-Vilkas-"

"No, shut up. If we don't get you out of your wet clothes you might freeze to death." He growled without stopping, his tone admitting no protesting on her part.

"B-but why a-are you-" She began to stutter and he threw a glare at her after having taken his shirt off, surely because she hadn't moved at all to do what he had told her.

"Because my clothes are also wet with cold water!" Came his answer as he pulled her shirt up and over her head. She gasped in surprise but he just ignored her at this point, already starting to undo her pants to slide them down her legs.

"Vilkas! You-"

"I said shut up! If I don't warm you soon your lips won't be the only thing turning blue!" He snapped while continuing to fight with the damped pants that clung to her legs. "Dammit, why didn't I think of the possibility you had mixed blood..." He cursed under his breath as he fought with some sort of seaweed that was entangled around her boots. She thought she heard him say something around the lines of 'stupid weed', 'blasted clothes' and other curses.

Once he finally succeeded to take her 'blasted clothes' off, he lifted her again to put her on one of the sleeping roll so she would be closer to the fire and facing it. He then settled behind her and she found herself between his legs. Even so, she was so focused on curling up onto herself, in a vain attempt to ward off the cold air hitting her exposed, wet skin, that she didn't even notice when exactly he had reached for the other sleeping roll and opened it completely. She only realized he had done so when he wrapped both of them in the newly-made blanket, shielding her from the wind while his arms pulled her into his embrace, into his warmth. Still, it didn't vanquish the ice that had settled inside her body. Her fogging mind vaguely acknowledged him telling her to hold onto the furry thing he pushed in her hands and he began to friction her limbs once she had grabbed the blanket like he wanted. Little by little her seemingly unrelenting quivers began to calm down and the icy grasp that was clutching her inside slowly melted. They both stayed silent all the while and it is only when his stress and fear of her possibly freezing to death calmed down, when her body had finally regained some warmth and her skin some color other than a bluish hue, when his arms had settled to hug her form as to keep it warmer and they were now both gazing at the fire... only then did he break the silence, his voice coming to her ear soft and calm.

"Back then... I know I accused you of not being there when it happened, but I shouldn't even have thought of blaming you for that." He sighed "It was harsh and unjustified. I have no excuse that could rightfully justify how I made you feel. But even so, you have never been one to just take what I say about you to be the truth. No matter what harsh things I would throw at you in the past, you always took it head on with an unfaltering determination to prove me wrong... If wrong you believed I was. And I was clearly wrong again this time around so... Why did you believe me? Why did you say you were the reason for Kodlak's death?" His tone wasn't accusing, it wasn't even angry or harsh. It stayed just as soft and calm. Her answer came in a whisper, but she knew he would be able to hear her.

"I told you. Aela was set on getting revenge for Skjor's death but I didn't try hard enough to reason her out of it. Worse, I even helped her! I knew there was a high risk of triggering a strong retaliation, I knew but I still ignored the bad feeling I had and helped her. If only I had listened to my instinct... If I had confided sooner to Kodlak, or even spoke with you about Aela's wish for revenge... Maybe none of this would have happened" Her tears had come back to her eyes and she tried to suppress a sob as the thought of any chance to get their relationship back was now gone. He would never want to have anything to do with her now that he knew everything. She wouldn't even be surprised if he was to just let go of her and move away. But what she didn't expect was to feel his arms tighten around her.

"In that case, you shouldn't blame yourself for his death." He said softly but with certainty, as if he was stating an irrefutable truth.

"But-" He stopped her incoming protest with a question.

"Tell me, do you blame Aela too?" Even though his voice had remained gentle, his words had taken her off guard to say the least.

"What? I... She..." That's right... She hadn't really pondered about Aela's implication. In fact, she didn't even think about blaming her too.

"If I understand correctly what you said, Aela was the one who decided to take revenge on the Silver Hands. Sure, maybe you could have talked about your plans to Kodlak or to me, but she could have too. Her grief may have told her to eradicate the organization, but the fact that she didn't want us to hear of it prove she knew damn well we might have tried to stop her. And you may not have noticed, but she is quite skilled at manipulating people. I wouldn't be surprised if she had made it so you wouldn't tell us about it on your own accord, let alone refuse to help her." He sighed. "But even so, I cannot condemn her acts, as I myself let my grief cloud my judgement and control my actions... About the Silver Hand and more importantly about you. At least at first..." Maybe he was right... She didn't blame Aela even though she had her part in what happened as much as her. So maybe, just maybe, he was right and she shouldn't blame herself so much... It took a while before the rest of his words made their way in her mind.

"Wait... What do you mean 'at first'?" She said, frowning. She didn't recall his behavior changing much during their travel to Driftshade Refuge.

"At first, as in from your return to Jorrvaskr until about the end of the first day of our journey. I did still avoid to interact with you after that, but not because of anger as much as in worry of what my anger could make me say that I would regret later. I knew I wasn't thinking straight, but since I didn't trust myself, I tried not making you suffer more than I might already have... And as I thought, I did hurt you..." Another sigh escaped his lips again.

"Yeah... Thinking back on it, you did act like a real jerk that time." She said, a small smile actually appearing on her lips.

"And I apologize for that... Really."

"It's ok, if I hadn't already been so upset from my own guilt I might have reacted differently...Just as you said, it's not usual of me to let you affect me so badly. If you say I can't blame myself from what happened, you can't blame yourself either for that... Ok?"

"I suppose... As long as you forgive me, it's all that matters." He said, tightening his arms around her, just ever so slightly but it made her heart flutter a bit all the same.

"I forgive you." She whispered, feeling like she could forgive this man anything right now, as long as she could stay in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and comforting scent while hearing his deep reassuring voice speak so softly in her ears. And she had just said she didn't usually let him affect her... What a lie.

"Thank you..." This was said in a sigh and she could feel how relieved he was.

Silence came back between them, but for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, it was a peaceful silence as they gazed into the fire. A lot had happened in a short amount of time and as the exchange played in her memory, she came to realize something.

"Hey... Vilkas?"

"Hm?"

"Did you actually call me by my name?"

"... Yeah?" She could almost hear the slight frown in his voice and she couldn't help but smile a little at his slight perplexity. "Why?"

"Well, you never used my name before. I almost thought you didn't want to remember it on purpose." She said, a soft giggle escaping her lips and she heard him chuckle lightly too.

"Oh no. I do remember your name, it's stuck in my head since the first time I heard it." He confessed, a smirk audible in his voice. Oh? Really? But then...

"Then why didn't you use it until now? Instead of calling me 'whelp' and 'pup'." She pouted.

"Truthfully?..." He began and oh how she felt she wouldn't like his answer... "Because it was entertaining to see you react to it." He chuckled again and her pout increased as her wolf growled lightly. "Though when I began to call you pup, sometimes it was just because you reacted in a cute way, just like a wild, untamed but cute puppy..."

"Wha-" He continued without letting her time to rebel more against his words.

"But you know, I did call you by your name before."

"Really! Give me at least one time you did!" She dared him, turning a bit so she could look at him. The slight change in position seemed to remind him of something.

"When I was trying to calm you down after you had taken the beast blood."

"What? I don't remember that..." She tried searching her memory, but she didn't recall her name ever passing his lips. He rolled his eyes slightly.

"Well, you had just woken up, naked, in a forest and leaning against a man... You were a bit too busy freaking out to really hear and understand whatever I was saying. In fact, it's a wonder you calmed down so fast."

"Your eyes..." She softly said, finally putting her finger on what had brought her mind through the fog of her panic attack.

"What?" He looked at her in confusion and emerald locked into ice.

"I recognized your eyes." He was surprised to hear that, but a smile began tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Did you now..." he whispered before tucking her so she would look to the fire again, though she stayed a bit turned on the side. His chin rested on top of her head as she leaned back against his chest with a sigh. Her eyelids were becoming heavy, her tiredness getting the better of her, but she didn't want to let go of this peaceful, and dare she say sweet, moment.

"Vilkas...?" She whispered, fighting the sleep.

"Hmm?"

"Would you say my name again?" She asked, not quite conscious of what she was saying anymore. His chin moved away and she thought she felt his lips press on top of her hair.

"Evelianna..." Oh how her name on his lips, even in such a whispered way, could twist her stomach and make butterflies flutter inside it. A smile stretched her lips and she settled in a more comfortable position against him, resting her head on his shoulder as she couldn't keep her eyes opened anymore. "Go to sleep now." Was the last thing she heard as slumber was washing over her. Just this soft, caring whisper mixing with the gentle crackling of the fire and she vaguely felt the brushing of lips against her temple before sleep got her completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Aaaah what a lovely pair they form when they aren't trying to bite each other's head off! It should get better from this point on, though there are still some hurt/comfort waiting around the corner... and smut... and a lot of humor because goodness I really need some humor back in there!
> 
> Now... Do you think Evelianna actually understood Vilkas' feelings this time around? Hehe I don't think so... Pooooor Vilkas~ But oooh how I'm relieved this part is finally done and officially over with!!! Damn those Silver Bastards! Anyway, funerals, arguing and confusion are up next now!
> 
> Random Anecdote: Ok this got nothing to do with the story whatsoever apart from the event happening just before I settled to continue writing this chapter. I just wanted to share my little bubble of antic weirdness with people who might actually laugh with me... So! Last night I was eating the last piece of cake remaining, directly on it's plate because hey! that's the privilege of the person who finish the cake! (And because I have less washing to do after. Lazy, I know.) So there I was, eating my cake while looking at it's plastic cover out of curiosity when my eyes caught molded letters in the plastic. "PWP" ... Woooaaah my chocolate cake is actually a porn without a plot! OMG! And thus I almost woke the whole house up with my laughter. (I did say it was late at night.) I have absolutely no idea what it really means when applied on the plastic cover of a grocery store cake and I don't care. I prefer the version of my chocolate cake being marked as porn without a plot! And, dear readers who haven't given up midway in my stupid anecdote, I must confess that seeing how sinfully delicious it was, it might as well be considered as porn! The end. Hope I didn't weird you out with my nonsense ;)


	13. Tilma Got It Covered

***Eveliana***

She hadn't known him for long, but Evelianna still held a lot of respect for Kodlak. As she gazed at the flames reaching his body, she recalled moments she had shared with the elder man. Too few she felt and it just increased the sense of unfairness his sudden death had brought... But justice had been made. They had avenged his death. There might have been more lives taken than what the man would have approved of, but she had sought Vilkas' word that they would make sure no one would go hunt the other few Silver Hands that could remain in the name of revenge for past deeds. He had given his word and they would speak to the other member of the Circle regarding that. Nonetheless, and even though Vilkas had assured her she wasn't to blame, the guilt she felt still hadn't subsided completely. Yes, she wasn't to blame for not being there for the battle at Jorrvaskr. That much had been settled. And yes, she understood she wasn't the only one at fault for causing this retaliation. That, she accepted it. But this didn't mean she was not at fault at all. And then, there was the fact that she had made the same mistakes again although she had told Kodlak she would learn from them the first time! She still felt so stupid for falling in the same situation again! All of this made her wonder if it was right of her to stay with the Companions. Vilkas seemed to think so, but then again, she appeared to assume wrongly some of his reactions more than with others. Vilkas... Her thoughts began to wander toward the man and whatever was going on between them. Since that morning following her dumb fall in the lake, their behaviors had been... weird. That was the only thing that came to her mind. Just weird. It was a bit awkward from time to time, but not really either. She just didn't know how to act toward him anymore and seeing how he behaved almost like her, it must have been the same for him. No, in fact, remembering the gauging gaze of uncertainty he had that morning, she was pretty confident he had as much confidence in how to act as she had! And as little motivation as her to actually take the first step in asking what in Oblivion was their relationship now! She certainly didn't see him as just a shield-brother. But something inside her was saying they weren't friends either... And she didn't even try to think about how _he_ saw her. Gods this was going to drive her nuts! She didn't even know if she was going to stay or not anyway! Why the hell was she getting her mind messed up for!?

"Girl?" She blinked and looked at a perplex Eorlund gazing back at her.

"Sorry Eorlund, I was lost in my thoughts"

"It appeared so... Do you have the fragments of Wuuthrad with you?" He continued and she was relieved he didn't ask what was on her mind, that would have been awkward.

"Ah yes, here." She searched through her pack and handed him the satchel containing the fragments.

"Thank you. I have a small favor to ask you... There is one last fragment that Kodlak always kept close to him. It should be in his chambers. Could you go there and bring it back to me? I'm not sure I'm the best one to go through his things." His demand surprised her but she couldn't just refuse so she accepted to do it, though she didn't think she was the most appropriate person to go through his things either.

As she opened the door, her eyes fell on the table by the corner, this table where she first met Kodlak and Vilkas. The memory of it brought a faint smile to her lips. She had come a long way since that encounter. It hadn't even been a year yet, but so much had happened! Sighing, she went toward his working table and looked around for the fragment. She found it relatively fast, as it wasn't hidden at all. As she was taking it, her eyes caught sight of a leather-binded book, the kind someone would use to write a journal. Curiosity took the better of her and she opened it to read a few pages. She was more than stunned upon reading the first page. So Kodlak had foreseen her arrival? Moving on to the other entries, she found more surprises, but one in particular made her in need of sitting down. _"What? How can this be possible? No, this is... This is just wrong!"_ She thought, shaking her head in disbelief, in denial of what was written. She shut the book quickly and got up, putting the journal back where she had found it and taking the fragment she had been sent to fetch. As she turned to leave, she jumped in surprise to see Tilma standing in the doorway.

"Tilma!"

"I'm sorry child, I didn't mean to scare you..."

"No no, it's okay." She replied quickly "I just came to get the fragment of Wuuthrad Eorlund asked of me..." She gave a faint smile "I'll go give it to him." And with that she left without looking back, thus without seeing Tilma gaze down at the book she had left on the table...

When Evelianna returned the fragment to Eorlund, he told her the other members of the Circle were waiting for her down at the Underforge. She wondered what they wanted to talk about as she made her way down the stairs. The thought that Kodlak had talked to them about his choice for the next Harbinger haltered her steps. She wasn't ready to face such a decision yet. Then again, Kodlak had wrote in his journal how he didn't want to speak of it yet so there was a high chance the matter the Circle wanted to discuss had nothing to do with it. Her guess was confirmed the moment she entered the Underforge as a heated discussion came to her ears.

"The old man had one wish before he died and he didn't get it. It's as simple as that." She heard Vilkas say and she could sense he was getting angry over the subject at hand.

"Just because you think it's a curse doesn't mean it is!" Aela replied, just as angry.

"Same goes for you: just because you believe it's a blessing doesn't mean it is. The fact remains that he wanted to be clean, whether you like it or not!" He bit back "He wanted to meet Ysgramor and know the glories of Sovngarde. But all of this has been taken from him!"

"And you avenged him!" The huntress stated, as if that should have settled the matter.

"Kodlak did not care for vengeance." Interjected Farkas and again, there was a pang of pain in Evy's heart at the reminder of her fault.

"No, Farkas, he didn't. And that's not what this is about. This is about honoring his last wish, no matter our own thoughts on the blood." Vilkas said, glaring at Aela who actually admitted defeat.

"Your right. It's what he wanted, and he deserved it... But how?"

"Kodlak was searching for a way to cleanse his soul. If we look through his documents and notes, we might know what he had found so far." He answered "Last I heard, he had learned of a possible solution so maybe-"

"Not just 'possible'." Evelianna stepped in and they looked at her with different level of frowning eyebrows. "He had found it." She clarified "That's why I had been absent the few days before..." She swallowed and cleared her throat. "He had sent me to Glenmoril Coven, to seek and slay the witches who gave the beast blood to the Companions. I was to bring back their heads, 'the seat of their abilities' as he said, so we could begin to undo the curse." She looked at Aela and added before she could make any comment. "For those who saw it as such." Aela nodded, understanding that they hadn't intended to force those who didn't seek to be cured. She then carried on, a bit dejected. "But even if we know the cure, Kodlak is dead. How could we give it to him?"

"Vilkas says there's a way." Farkas told her with a weak smile, his grief still too present to let him smile broadly like he usually did.

"The old man used to say that the cure would be able to cleanse our soul, even in death." Vilkas explained to her. "There are legends about the Tomb of Ysgramor, that it is where the souls of the Harbingers will heed the call of northern steel... If there's a chance to still cure him, that's where we need to go. Did he tell you anything about what to do with the heads?"

"He didn't go in details, but he did talked about bringing them there..." She gasped realizing something. "The heads! I didn't have it when I went down to my room that day!" How could she be so careless as to misplace them!

"Don't worry." Everyone turned to Farkas who had spoken calmly. "Tilma got it covered." Upon the confused looks he got, he shrugged and explained himself. "I found the sack. Was more than a bit bewildered when I saw what was in it... I thought of throwing it away, but then Tilma came and told me to give it to her if it was the sack you had brought back. She said she would take care of it until you ask for it. So really, don't worry, we still have them."

"Don't worry you say? Even if we have the heads, we still need to enter the tomb! You know, the one we can only enter with Wuuthrad, which is in pieces like it has been for a thousand years!" Exclaimed Aela.

"And dragons were just stories. And the elves once ruled Skyrim." They all looked toward the source of the voice and Eorlund stepped out of the entrance. "Just because something is, doesn't mean it must be. The blade is a weapon. A tool. Tools are meant to be broken. And repaired." He finished, holding out Wuuthrad which looked as if it had never been broken.

"Is that...? You repaired the blade?" Vilkas spoke what they must all have been thinking.

"It's the first time all the fragments are reunited, thanks to our shield-sister here. 'The flames of a hero can reforge the shattered' and a hero Kodlak was. His flames shall fuel the rebirth of Wuuthrad. And now it will take you to meet him once more. You should prepare for the journey to the Tomb of Ysgramor. For Kodlak." Turning to the youngest member, he held out the weapon to her. "As the one who made this possible, I think you should be the one to carry Wuuthrad into battle." Evy blinked but still took it, at a loss for word upon such an unexpected honor.

"I... shall do so with honor." She finally said and the man nodded approvingly before leaving. She turned to the others with wide eyes after he had left. She was so not the most fitted to carry such a weapon! It was almost the same height as her! How the hell was she supposed to carry it around without striking down everything around her!?

"If you feel like it's too heavy for you..." began Vilkas with an arched eyebrow and she frowned.

"I didn't say that! I'm stronger than I look remember?" She almost felt like sticking out her tongue to him, but her mood wasn't for such childish antics. The sadness lingering in her heart was weakening her usual playfulness, just like it still affected the rest of them. Vilkas simply nodded, the ghost of a smile etching on his lips for a second.

"Good. In that case, here" He grabbed the sheath and belts Eorlund had left and approached her. "Let me show you how to set it the most conveniently for you..." She nodded, trying to ignore how close he was now. Farkas cleared his throat.

"Well, we'll go first to prepare then. Let's say we meet again in front of Jorrvaskr in an hour... Sounds good?" He proposed, already heading to leave, Aela behind him.

"It's good to me." The huntress said and Vilkas just grunted in approbation, his concentration on the task at hand.

"Fine by me too." Evy said before moving her attention back to what Vilkas was doing as he was wrapping his arms around her. _"Oh gods..."_ Was the only thing she could think of... Until she realized he wasn't going to hug her. He was just reaching behind her in order to pass a belt around her.

"So... This one goes here to..." He continued explaining how to set the belts, what to be careful about so to balance the weight right and so on, reaching from time to time behind her to pass another belt around her. Fortunately there seemed to be only three or so of them so she should be able to handle the tension in her nerves each time he came too close. She mentally kicked herself for being so damn sensitive to his presence and letting his closeness affect her to such an extent when they were supposed to be mourning their Harbinger. Really what was wrong with her!

"Thanks..." She whispered, somehow feeling slightly breathless... Must have been from all the times she found herself holding her breath within such a short amount of time. Looking up to him as she thanked him while he finished buckling the last belt, she froze. His face was way too close to hers for her sanity!

"No problem." He replied, but he too paused when he glanced at her and met her gaze, coming to realize their proximity. Again she asked herself why the hell they had gotten so close!

They stared in each other's eyes for a moment and, like magnets, they both leaned in. She felt entranced by him, her head getting completely blank in an instant as her eyes began to close. It was like electricity passed through her when their lips finally brushed and her wolf jumped fiercely inside her, as if trying to physically push her body forward and make her kiss for real him already, press further onto his lips, deepen the kiss and- she took a quick intake of breath and stilled again, surprisingly at the same time as he did.

"This is a bad idea..." She whispered, trying to reason herself and shut her wolf up. Curse this beast and it's perverted ideas that always kept her from thinking straight! This was _not_ the time, _nor_ the place to forget herself in him dammit!

"Yeah..." He whispered back and she had to restrain the shiver that wanted to run down her body as they were so close his breath caressed her lips... but it wasn't his breath that her lips yearned to have on them. Gods how she wanted him, even in those circumstances... "Do you feel it too?"

Through her half closed eyes she could see he was having an intern battle of his own. He had the same expression she had seen before and which had confused her so much at the time... Before she herself had taken the beast blood. Now she understood what brought that expression, the intern fighting of one's reason against desire, of one's human reason against the wolf's instinct raging inside. Oh yes she understood it now, for having experienced it a lot around him, even more so at this very moment. She nodded her head, knowing exactly what 'feeling' he was referring to. But this nod brought their downfall as it made their lips brush again. And reason lost the battle. Moving as one, they grabbed each other and pulled, his hand burying itself in her hair and her own going behind his neck. Lips crashed onto the other's in a hot, needy kiss. Oh how craving she had been of him! Of his mouth, his arms, his whole body. His free arm wrapped itself around her waist while hers wrapped around his shoulders to bring him closer. He bit gently on her lower lip, making her sigh softly, and her body pressed against his. A hungry growl escaped him in response and it echoed the one inside her. It wasn't enough. The need was too great to be satisfied with just kissing, on the contrary it seemed to increase her want for more! She wanted to feel his bare skin against her own until his scent could rub on her. She wanted to feel his hands stroke and explore her body as her own hand would do the same. She wanted to feel him inside her, to abandon herself in his embrace, to become one with him. And more than anything she wanted to claim him as hers and that he claimed her as his. It was like a primal desire that coursed through her vein, a mating desire that made her wolf go haywire. This seemed to bring a flash of lucidity in her fogged mind and she broke the kiss, panting slightly. It was almost painful to resist the urges that screamed at her to keep going.

"We shouldn't be doing this..." she managed to say breathily. That's right, they shouldn't. Not here in the Underforge, not now when Kodlak's funeral had ended less than an hour ago and certainly not as they were supposed to prepare for the journey that would free the late Harbinger from his curse. He must have realized so too because he closed his eyes with a strained expression and pressed his forehead against hers.

"Right..." Was the only thing he said before letting go of her and taking a safe step back. "We should go prepare our things..." He searched for her gaze and when she looked him in the eyes, his strained expression had been replaced by a serious yet faintly worried one. "Are you going to be ok?" This question took her by surprise and she blinked at him.

"Of course. Why do you ask?" She didn't understand where this concern came from or what it was about. It's not like they hadn't encountered such situation before, and she wasn't going to die from sexual unsatisfaction.

"Well, you've been going around traveling and fighting for more than a week without any real rest. Not to mention you fell in freezing water and the next day you went on as if you hadn't nearly frozen to death. We arrived just this morning and now we're going back on the road for a few days again in less than an hour... Not to mention you'll have to carry Wuuthrad all the way." Oooh! That's what he was referring to... She gave him a small smile, warmed by his concern.

"It's ok. Don't worry. I'm a warrior remember? Besides, I've traveled longer than that before. I'll be alright." She said, going toward the entrance. "If not, that's what potions are for isn't it?" She said over her shoulder. He growled and rolled his eyes.

"Potions don't magically refill." He grunted, following behind her. "Really, you're going to be the death of me, pup." It was her turn to growl slightly.

"Trust me, if you keep calling me 'pup' I _will_ be the one killing you! By the nine, I'm not a trainee anymore, I'm a member of the Circle for crying out loud!" She exclaimed, frustrated he still refused to use her name. She reached for the chain opening the entrance, but froze as she felt his hand on her stomach, his body almost pressed against her, even with Wuuthrad across her back, and most of all as she felt his breath against her neck.

"Believe me. I don't call the trainees 'pup'. Nor anyone else." He whispered in her ear. "You're the only one I do so..." She shivered under the lips grazing the sensitive skin of her neck and somehow she had the feeling he wasn't just talking about the name. A shaky sigh escaped her lips as she found herself tilting her head to allow more access to his mouth and he didn't waste time nibbling and kissing her neck. This was so wrong, yet it felt sooo right... Gods this man had a talent for clouding her mind with so much ease... She barely felt the smile he made against her skin but she didn't understand what had him smile, until the mechanism of the secret door was heard. His hands and mouth were already gone before the door opened and she had to pull herself together before anyone would see her blushing cheeks. And the devil behind her dared to tap her butt! "Go on now, we're supposed to go prepare." He said and there was almost a playful tone in his voice.

"I swear, someday I'll strangle you!" She muttered in a growl, moving forward, and she could just sense the smirk on his lips.

"I don't think so..." She turned to frown at him, intending to... do something she completely forgot about when she found him not even a foot away from her and leaning to her ear. Oh how she liked and hated when he did that! "Afterall, we both know we'll end up kissing instead... Lil' pup." And with that he walked away, leaving her flushed red, irritated... and turned on. Gods he affected her way too much, it was ridiculous! _"Really what the hell is wrong with me!?"_

***Vilkas***

From the corner of his eyes, Vilkas glanced toward the woman sitting next to him, again. Really, what was going on in her mind? This question had come to him on multiple occasions, but now more than ever as they had nothing to do other than wait for the carriage to arrive at Winterhold. They had opted for hiring Bjorlam to bring them as close to the Tomb of Ysgramor as possible instead of traveling all the way by foot. It would be easier and way faster that way. The road had been made mostly in silence as everyone were lost in their own thoughts. As for Vilkas, he had been pondering, among other things, on Evy's actions and behaviors. Of course he didn't believe everything would go back to normal over the night. Whatever 'normal' could be between them... Anyhow, he may have hoped she had finally understood just how much he cared for her, though he knew better than to believe it would be as easy as he wished. Nevertheless, he didn't think she would still consider leaving the Companions... He thought he had convinced her she was not to blame herself for what happened, but of course that too wasn't so easy. He could see it in her eyes, in her behavior from time to time and he also saw it in the way she stared at the flames when the funerals ended. He had felt relief when he had seen her join them in the Underforge and take part in the discussion, but he had sensed that something was off at first. Although it had disappeared during the discussion, it had returned when Eorlund had told her she was to carry Wuuthrad. And then after that... Gods how it had been good to kiss her again! It wasn't the right time, nor the right place, but oh how good it was. And somehow, it was as if he had wished to give her a reason to stay, another point she needed to consider before taking her decision. He had tried to make her understand, again, that she was something more than a shield-sister for him... Without having to tell her what his brother was dying for him to confess. A confession would have been worst than a kiss in term of 'not the right place and time', so he would wait for all of this to be done. Gods how he was getting sick of waiting. If only he could just confess and get this over with! But they all still mourned Kodlak and it would feel wrong to talk about such things when they should be focused on the mission at hand. At least he knew she would tag along until this quest was over. That matter aside, another thing was bothering him. Unfortunately he wouldn't be able to dive further into this second preoccupation until later that night, when he would be alone...

" _Vilkas? Can I speak with you a moment?" He had just opened the door to his room in order to prepare for the journey when Tilma's voice had called him and he turned._

" _Of course Tilma, what is it?" He said kindly to the woman who had looked after him and his brother just as much as Kodlak had. She smiled lightly and motioned for them to enter the room. He nodded and went inside._

" _Well, I wanted to talk to you about a matter before you left..." She said, following him in his chambers before closing the door. It is only then that she decided to enter the said matter clearly. "It is about Evelianna, dear..."_

" _Evelianna?" He repeated with a lifted eyebrow._

" _Yes, I saw her earlier in Kodlak's chambers, Eorlund had sent her to find the last fragment of Wuuthrad you see." He nodded, knowing that Kodlak had kept one with him. The elder woman sighed. "But it wasn't the only thing she found. And I think the informations she read in this were too soon for her to learn of." She finished, holding out a journal, Kodlak's journal. "The fact that she put it back how she found it makes me suspect she reject the mere thought of something that is written in there." This surprised him._

" _What could Kodlak possibly have put in there for her to reject even having read it?"_

" _I'll let you find it out. In any case, I fear she might want to run away from what is written in there, not only mentally, but physically too. So..." She pushed it onto him so he would take it. "I make it your responsibility to prevent that from happening."_

" _Of course, but... Why me?" Of course he would do everything in his power to prevent her from leaving the Companions, but he didn't think he'd be the most suited for that mission... So why did Tilma come to him in particular? Farkas might have been a better choice as he was definitely her friend while he, on the other hand, didn't even know what could be called their relationship. Not to mention the girl definitely listened a lot more to his twin then to him! But to his question, Tilma only smiled a knowing, motherly smile._

" _Oh dear boy, I looked after you since you were a child. If anything, I am the person who knows you best beside your brother. I'm confident that if there's anyone who can change her mind into staying with us, it is you. Now, I'll let you prepare. I don't think you'll have time to begin your reading before leaving, but I'm sure you'll have plenty tonight, won't you?"_

" _Yes Tilma, I'll look into it as soon as I can, you have my word."_

" _Good. I'll pray Mara you succeed then." And with that she left the room and a confused Vilkas. _

Why the hell would she pray _Mara_ of all thing? By the Nine, were they that easy to read? No... This was Tilma. If there was one person who always knew what was going around in Jorrvaskr, it was Tilma. He glanced at his bag, suppressing the urge to fetch the book that was in it to start reading right away. But he couldn't. If Evy was thinking of running from what was in there, she would totally freak out if she saw him read it. No, he would have to wait for when she wouldn't be around to catch him with the journal. And that was only going to happen at the inn. To distract himself from his increasing curiosity, he decided to think about something else that weighted on his mind: the beast blood and the cure. Kodlak had finally found it. And now, he needed to make a decision... Although he had hoped for a cure to this curse, he still debated mentally on the right decision to take for the rest of the travel and he still hadn't found the answer when they arrived.

They thanked Bjorlam before going to the Frozen Hearth. The inn hadn't changed, just like the rest of the city. Even the drunk in the corner was exactly where Vilkas had seen him the last time, making him wonder if the man ever moved from there... They made their way to the counter and Aela spoke with Dagur to ask for his available rooms and some meal. Upon seeing their little group, the man appeared to remember them as he smiled like he was seeing old friends. It's true that they all had made at least one mission around here at some point or another. All but the pup it seemed.

"It's good to see you all again!" He said with a welcoming smile before he saw her. "Oh, but there's a new face among you!"

"Yeah, she's our latest member." Replied Farkas with a smile, patting her shoulder in a brotherly gesture.

"Well, congratulation young one, it must be quite something to be out on a mission with all three of them!"

"It certainly is." She said with a little smile. His wolf could sense the uneasiness in her and he decided it would be better to change the subject.

"So... How many rooms do you have for us?"

"Ah, I have two." Dagur said apologetically, pointing to the two single-bed rooms.

"It's ok, don't worry we'll sort out the bedding matter ourselves, thanks Dagur." Aela replied and gave him the gold for the rooms and meals.

"Thank you. Haran will bring your meal shortly."

They went to sit down at a table and Haran came with bowls of stew and tankards of mead shortly after. Farkas took it upon himself to stir some conversation during the meal, to change the mood from the previous silence. Evelianna joined the light discussions, but while they ate, her head turned toward the counter when some kind of heated exchange appeared between the couple who owned the inn. They were talking in hushed words, but with their acute hearing, they could understand clearly what was being said. He nudged the girl lightly and met her frowning face with a slight disapproving look.

"Don't stare. You're not supposed to be able to hear them that much." He whispered and added. "Eavesdropping is bad, but if you're going to do it anyway, at least don't be so obvious about it." Even if he had intended to scold her, he couldn't help a hint of amused mischief from showing in his tone and surely in his eyes too.

She rolled her eyes and nudged him a bit too in answer to his teasing before turning her attention back to her plate. Haran finished arguing with her husband to come see if they needed anything and take the empty bowls, but she still had a scowl on her face... And for some reason, the pup decided to meddle with the couples' problems.

"Is everything alright?" She asked with kind concern and Haran smiled weakly at her.

"Oh yes it's nothing really. Just the same old things that never changes..." She answered, but she couldn't refrain from glancing toward one of the corners and Evy looked too to see who was the 'same old thing'. He, on the other hand, didn't need to look. The only thing of possible interest in that corner was the drunk who seemed to never move from there. Evy turned back to the woman, arching an eyebrow.

"Problem with a customer?" She offered, making their hostess sigh.

"Well... I know Ranmir isn't a bad man and I understand he had troubles in his life... but I can't have him drinking here when he didn't even pay some of the coins he owes us." She sighed again and Vilkas had a bad feeling about where this was heading...

"Would you like me to try talking to him?" And she went and said it! Gods this woman just couldn't mind her own business could she? There was already enough people seeking her help as if she was the damn answer to everything, why did she have to offer her help even when they didn't ask for it!

"You can always try, but I'm not sure you'll manage to persuade him." She replied, still surprised by her proposition, and went back to her chores.

"What do you think you're doing pup? We're not here to-" He began to growl his protest to whatever was going on in that thick head of hers.

"Oh come on Vilkas." She cut him off with a scoff, even rolling her eyes. "It's not like I'm delaying the mission or anything. I'm just going to talk to him and try to put some reasoning in his head." It really was one thick head she had...

"Or you could just stay here, continue eating your stew and mind your own business." He grunted.

"No, can't do. I already told her I would try." She said, standing up and going to the drunkard in the corner.

"Don't worry, it's not like she can't handle her own." Aela told him and he groaned. He knew that, what he was worried about is that her kind nature end up making her help everyone despite her own well being. It didn't stop him from looking at what was going to happen and listen to what was going to be said as it was certainly going to be entertaining.

"Unless you're bringing me another round, you can just keep walking elsewhere." The drunk told Evelianna while she stopped beside his table, arms crossed.

"You won't be able to have much more rounds if you can't even pay off the last ones." She stated sternly and he glared at her.

"And who are you to tell me what to do!?"

"If you really want to know, my name is Evelianna and I'm a Companion. But whoever I am doesn't change the fact that you owe gold to Haran." She said, her voice calm but hard. Ranmir just snorted and Vilkas could sense her irritation rise up a notch. Right, she had a dislike for snorting people.

"Evelianna huh... Tch, what a long name for such a small woman." He mumbled. Snorting and making fun of her height. By the nine this man was searching for a brawl... "I'll pay her back when I'm ready, now let me drink in peace!" And he didn't even think of considering to comply. Surprisingly, Evy said exactly what he was thinking of the man.

"And you call yourself a Nord? Can't even man up enough to pay your debts! I call that a leech. Now I understand why you drown yourself in mead: you just want to forget how miserable and shameful of a person you are!" She said with a severe tone Vilkas hadn't heard her use often. This seemed to surprise Ranmir and wake him a bit from his drunken stupor, enough to apparently get some sense back from her words as he stuttered under her scolding glare.

"You're right... What would my forefathers think if they knew I wasn't paying my debts? Tell Haran I'll bring her the gold I owe." He replied, looking down at his hands. She nodded and went to tell Haran the news. She really must not have hoped for much because her first words were "By what miracles were you able to do that!". Haran gave her something in exchange for her help and the pup returned to their table.

"Happy now?" Vilkas asked with a lifted eyebrow.

"Yes." She said back before digging in her cooling plate.

"I'm surprised it didn't get to hands, even after he insulted you on your height!" Farkas commented with a laugh.

"I didn't feel like brawling and taking the risk to get us kicked out. Besides, it wasn't necessary. I came to understand how Nords can take honor and reputation to heart more than others. Just needed to remind him honor didn't sit well with debts." She shrugged.

"Good thinking." The huntress said, nodding in approval. "And what did Haran give you?"

"Oh, she gave me this." She showed them a dagger. It wasn't much, but he knew the girl hadn't expected anything in the first place.

They went on discussing what was the plan for the next day and decided to go to bed early as to set out for the Tomb of Ysgramor early in the morning. The girls took one room and the twins the other, although Farkas nagged him about sharing the room as 'couples' instead. Gods if his brother could just shut up sometimes... Anyhow, once in the room, he let him have the bed. Since he was going to read Kodlak's journal part of the night, one of them might as well enjoy the bed for its rightful use. Settling his sleeping roll on the floor, he sat on it and leaned his back against the wall to begin his reading at last...

...

Ok. He needed a drink. Badly. Standing up he went to the door but paused before opening it. Spring and sunshine could be smelled passing in front of his door... Why wasn't Evelianna sleeping? He came out of his room just as the door leading outside was shutting. Intrigued, he decided to follow after the pup and found her standing a little away from the inn, looking up to the night sky. Her ebony locks were down, flowing on the fur thrown over her shoulders and back. A waterfall of black silkiness that cut out clearly in the white scenery around them. He approached her without trying to sneak up to her. Although her back was to him, she would sense his presence anyway so he didn't even try to hide it. Still, she didn't move when he arrived near her.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked softly.

"Too much on my mind... and Farkas said aurora could be seen around here at night... Thought I might as well go check what it looked like." She replied just as softly, not taking her eyes of the sky and he looked up as well.

"Right... You're in luck, there aren't much clouds tonight." He looked back at her, much more interested in watching her than the sky.

"Yeah... It's beautiful isn't it?" She whispered.

"Yeah..." Even if he wasn't quite talking about the auroras as much as her... Gods how lame was he going to become!? But still, she did look breathtaking right now, bathed in the moonlight that gave an almost mystical glow to the snow surrounding them. She finally looked at him and seeing how he hadn't been staring at the sky like her, she blinked before regaining some composure.

"What about you? Why aren't you sleeping?" She asked. Crap... Now might not be the best of time to tell her he had read Kodlak's journal.

"Wanted a drink. I was going to get one when I saw you go outside so I followed you." She stared at him for a moment and he just hoped she wouldn't ask why he wanted a drink...

"Seems like we all have things on our mind huh?" She said at last and he sighed.

"Well, there will be a lot of changes waiting ahead. Makes anyone get pensive a minimum doesn't it?" He shrugged but sensed her tense at the mention of changes.

"Changes?" Even her voice was tensed...

"Yeah... with the cure to the beast blood actually found, for a start, there's a lot to be considered." This relaxed her a bit.

"Oh... Right."

"After all, up til now there wasn't any so we didn't need to think about whether we wanted to get free of it or not."

"And do you?" She asked "You see it as a curse so..."

"It's... hard to be completely certain to say the truth. Even though I still believe it to be a curse, I've been living with it for so long now I feel like it's become a part of me."

"So you feel that if you take the cure, you'll be letting go of a part of you." She said understandingly.

"Something like that I guess... And you? Have you considered taking it?" She may have taken the beast blood willingly, but it was without having all the informations.

"Yes, I do consider it. I thought it would make me stronger... But I always feel so tired because of it. Always suddenly having my mind on alert at the most insignificant of sounds, having to be careful so I don't get dizzy from the overflow of informations from my too sensitive senses. Always fighting with my wolf and needing to keep my emotions in check to prevent them from obscuring my reason and blinding my mind... Not to mention trying to keep my impulsivity on tight leash and the constant fear of inadvertently letting my wolf out, or loosing control of it when I transform, or worse loosing myself like the ones we saw in Driftshade's refuge..." She sighed. "And then there's this afterlife's hunting ground thing... Really, I wonder if this strength I sought is really worth all this. Even more so if I'm never quite keen on transforming."

"Your first change freaked you out hasn't it?"

"Well, didn't you freak out the first time too? Not having control of your own self, not even knowing what you might have done?" He then realized what bothered her the most and wondered why he hadn't seen it sooner.

"You're afraid of loosing memories again." It was more of a statement than a question but she nodded all the same.

"Yes, it's my first and strongest fear. But I also dread to change knowing that I could end up loosing myself altogether to the wolf..."

"I understand. I too have such apprehensions. That's one of the reasons why I chose to give up the transformations..." They stayed silent for a moment, returning to watching the sky, but something from what she said was bugging him too much so he decided to ask about it in the end. "You said you were considering taking the cure. But from what I heard you say, you don't seem to have a lot of point against it..." She nodded slightly. "Why the hesitation then?"

"Well..." She grimaced and he could feel her unease. "Like I said, I took it to be stronger. It would be stupid to have gone through all that and throw it away just a few months later."

"And?" He insisted. As if she would be this uneasy just for something as petty as that. Again she grimaced.

"I don't know, I feel like I'd be turning my back on everyone if I decided to take the cure." What stupid reason was that!? _"Calm down, you don't want her to become all defensive on you..."_ he told himself.

"I don't think you need to worry about that." He managed to say calmly. "Aren't we all on this journey so to cure Kodlak? Even I, am considering taking it and I think my brother also ponders about it. And if you worry about Aela, don't. Of course she won't accept it with opened arms, but it is not up to her to choose other's way of life and destiny. And she knows it... And might I add that you were already strong before you took the beast blood? You don't need it to be one of the best warrior in the Companions." He offered her a little smirk and she smiled back. "In any case, we won't disapprove of you no matter what decision you choose in the end." She smiled a bit more and he could feel his words had reassured her.

"Thanks Vilkas..."

"No problem. If there's anything that bothers you or got you worried, about the Companions or anything else, I don't mind lending you an ear and giving you advice. Whatever you do with those advice is yours to decide, we're our own master, but at least you'll have a second opinion. Ok?" She chuckled lightly but her eyes had a hint of sadness. He sure didn't expect that kind of reaction. "What?"

"Nothing, sorry. It's just that what you said was very similar to what Kodlak once said to me..."

"Well, he did say a lot of wise thing." He said with a faint smirk and she rolled her eyes, pushing him lightly, making him chuckle a bit. They stayed like that for a moment before a tired sigh escaped her lips.

"Maybe we should go back inside and get some sleep." She finally said. "We'll most likely have a rough day tomorrow."

"Aren't you a wise one too." He said, pushing her lightly. "Come on, let's go to bed before you fall asleep in the snow."

"Yeah, I'm kind of tired now." She said with a small smile.

"More like the dead tired kind I'd say" He teased her a little as they made their way back to the inn.

"No I'm not!"

"You definitely are."

"Whatever... Stop smirking."

"I'm not."

"You are smirking mentally. I can feel it. I have a sixth sense for that."

"You have a sixth sense for knowing if I am smirking mentally... Well that's one skill you have."

"Isn't it just so." She whispered back with a smile as they arrived to their neighboring bedrooms' doors. "So... Goodnight." She offered and her 'goodnight' almost seemed like a question for a moment there. By the nine she was just so... He leaned toward her, putting a finger under her chin to tilt it up as he went to steal her a kiss. He had intended for it to be quick, to kiss her and step back, knowing how they always ended up when their lips touched. And he was right to distrust their own selves. The kiss carried on longer than he had first wished, but how was he to resist when she was gripping his shirt and sighing so sweetly? Wrapping his free arm around her waist, he brought her onto him and used her gasp as an opportunity to invade her mouth. Gods did she taste good... Too good. His wolf was going wild inside, enticing him to do more, to taste more, to get her against the small portion of wall between their doors and arouse her with his hands, torment her senses until she would become a panting, shivering, moaning mess... Until he could make her utter those sultry sighs with the lightest of touch on her skin... Only then would he finally push himself inside her. He would just have to kiss her as to silence the sound of pleasure coming to her mouth while he'd slowly, quietly, drive her crazy... And when he'd be close to drowning her in ecstasy, he would put his hand against her mouth so to keep her quiet while he went to mark her once again as _his_ mate.

He moved away from her lips, though he managed to do it without making it as abrupt as his realization of the incoming situation had been. "Goodnight..." He whispered in a hoarse voice, his thumb caressing her still parted lips. He slowly let go of her before his reason could get overthrown again and slipped inside his room. Leaning his back and head against the wood, he closed his eyes, a part of him listening to any sounds coming from her on the other side. He heard her move, but she didn't go to her room. No, she stopped just between the two doors and he could almost feel her lean on that small portion of wall. And then his ears caught another of those sweet sighs of hers... _"Don't go back to her... Don't go back to her..."_ He repeated mentally while trying to shut his wolf up. If the Underforge wasn't a good place to take her, that wall, in a freaking public area, definitely was an even worse possible idea! He was relieved when he heard her step away and go in her room, at last. Sighing, he decided to try going to sleep, though it would be hard with the erection throbbing in his pants. Damn his wolf and it's perverted ideas. Now he almost wished Farkas had insisted on the 'sharing rooms as couples' thing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I had a hard time writing this one too in the end. It's not easy to put humor and nice moments when they're supposed to mourn what was the closest to a father to them! But even in those circumstances, they can't ignore the attraction they have for one another. And don't you feel like Tilma is some kind of super ninja spy XD After all, she always knows everything. I think Jorrvaskr wouldn't be standing anymore if she wasn't there to make sure their mess doesn't turn into disaster. Divines bless Tilma for being there :D Anyway! I think there are still a few chapters to go, but this story is coming to an end soon. So~ if you have wishes (or is it what they call request? I'm a bit of a noob on some subjects...) like situations you'd like to see them in or something, feel free to ask! Not that I'm at a loss of things to happen, be at ease I still have a lot of ideas in stock XD I just want to make you happy if I can ^^
> 
> Another thing... I will (eventually) publish an alternate part of "The masochism of the heart". Remember my "go with the flow" sort of writing? Well the flow of my first draft made me divert way too much to be plausible with what was going to happen next so I changed it. Buuuut I still kept a copy of it because I liked it anyway so I decided to publish it as some kind of oneshot later... When I'll have time to go over it and correct mistakes and so on...


	14. Not what it seems

***Eveliana***

A snarl escaped her lips, baring her teeth as she dashed forward. Again, she avoided a shard of ice thrown her way as her companions did the same with other magic projectiles. Damn those mages. But once she would get to them, they would taste the sharpness of her blade! One after the other, they were able to take down the bastards that had ambushed them. At least the icy magic wasn't as effective as it should on them, though she wasn't totally immune to the cold like the other three Nords. In any case she found it was easier to avoid than the lightning spells as she saw Farkas, who had charged ahead, manage to evade another icy projectile but got struck by a lightning bolt. The next moment Aela and Vilkas, just in front of her, also got caught by those bolts and she growled again, jumping over the Huntress that had fallen back on the ground by the force of the spell.

"Evelianna DON'T!" She almost didn't hear Vilkas call out behind her and light flashed before her eyes.

Suddenly everyone seemed to pause for a moment, as if a 'stunning' spell of some sort had fallen onto her allies as much as her enemies. But she didn't care about what had gotten into them. Her anger had turned into fury from seeing her friends get hurt by those damn spells and a familiar power flared up inside her. They liked magic? She would make them eat some of her own!

"FUS. RO. _DAH_!" Blowing snow along as if rising a blizzard on it's wake, the force of her shout pushed back their opponents a few meters away. She wasted no time in charging forward to strike down those who had survived before the cowards could get back up. She was joined quickly by her shield-siblings who had recovered from the lightning spells and upon seeing their roaring approach, the last few that hadn't yet been slained actually scurried back to their feet and fled in fear. When she saw that, Evy slowed down to a stop. There was no point wasting time chasing after them, they were not here for that. The other three must have understood her thoughts because they didn't chase them either, stopping beside her instead.

"What was that!?" Farkas exclaimed, staring at her with wide eyes. The others weren't wide eyes like him but they did stare at her too. What the? As if she was the one who had the answer to that!

"What? Is it so rare that mages ambush travelers?"

"He's not talking about that." Said Aela and the girl turned to her with a confused frown.

"Then what is it? The flee? They're mages. Aren't you all always laughing at how they are wussy, and weaklings, and whatnot?"

"We don't care about that, pup." Then what was it dammit!? "What we want to know is how a lightning bolt could knock Farkas off his feet-"

"Hey! It didn't-" But Vilkas cut him off to continue, rolling his eyes at his reaction.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. As I was saying. How could you take such spell and brush it off as if nothing happened?"

"What?" It was her turn to stare at them before she remembered what might have been the thing they were talking about. "Oh right, there was some kind of flash... Was that a lightning spell? I didn't feel anything." She said in surprise. That must have been why everyone seemed so stunned all of a sudden.

"Was that a-" He repeated in a disbelieving tone before groaning. "By the Nines you really are a walking wonder!" Gods how that exasperated tone of his always got on her nerves.

"And what is that supposed to mean!? Sorry but I was a bit more preoccupied about saving our butts than stopping to ponder on what in the world could have been a flash of light that didn't even harm me!"

"Wouldn't it be common to expect any warrior to at least freak out a little when some lights come out of nowhere straight at it's face! You didn't even flinch!" He bit back.

"For you that may be, but I'll let you know it's become quite 'common' for me to have sudden lights go through me out of nowhere. I'd go crazy if I freaked out every damn single time!" This information seemed to surprise him. "As long as it doesn't harm me I'd rather not pay attention to it and certainly not when people are trying to kill us." She crossed her arms, daring him to find something to say against that. He just grunted, crossing his arms too. His twin was the one to talk first.

"Right, I remember that time in Dustman's Cairn with the giant wall. Some words just lit up when she walked near and it flew to her! Gave me quite a shock." Farkas laughed.

"Even so, that doesn't explain why she wasn't affected by the lightning spell." Interjected Aela, looking back at her shield-sister who shrugged.

"I don't know either. And for now I don't really care. What matters right now is that we go to Ysgramor's tomb so we can cure Kodlak's soul. In any case, if we come across other lightning spell users, it'd be best to leave them to me."

"It might be best yeah." Groaned Vilkas, though he didn't appear too fond of the idea. But if she was immune to those kind of spell, it would be dumb to not use it. "Let's just hope it wasn't a one time thing" She hoped too...

"Is the tomb still far away from here?" She asked, feeling impatient to give the old man the cure he had searched for so long.

"No, we shouldn't be too far now..." Aela replied and they resumed their journey.

Though she said it wasn't far, the road ahead still gave them a hard time and Evelianna was now positive this wasn't her favorite part of Skyrim. At all. Even if all this snow gave off a cold beauty to their surroundings, the biting wind that picked up that beauty and blew it in their face mercilessly as if to blind them was getting really annoying. Add to that the random mages' attacks, the frost trolls and the ghost-like icy floating snake things... Vilkas called them ice wraiths. Bitches really. They were swift, fast to slip out of reach and almost impossible to make out in snowy background... Which was the only freaking background there was for miles! Plus the blasted things made sounds like they were snickering at them... Until she 'yol'ed their arses to a puddle, then _she_ was the one laughing! But that wasn't the worst of this land. No. The worst was the water. The freezing water covered in treacherous ice and snow. It appeared her little experience into the freezing lake had given the young woman an aversion of walking on iced over waters... And also a tendency to stay near Vilkas when they were passing near those dreadful spots. But now she found herself actually pausing as she had no choice but to walk on that ice to get to a poor excuse of a small boat that seemed ready to break apart, surely when they would be half way to the island where the Tomb of Ysgramor awaited. Why the heck did it have to be on an island!? Couldn't they build it on the mainland!?

"Don't worry." Even if she had smelled his scent coming near her, she was still a bit startled when she heard Vilkas' low voice near her. Looking at the man by her side, she found him closer than she thought, enough that she could have felt his warmth. "I won't let you fall in the water." His words were able to ease some of the anxiousness that had been building inside, enough that she felt safe to walk on the ice if he was with her and she smiled gratefully to him.

"Thanks." She looked back at the thing that was meant to be their embarcation and sighed. "But I'm also kind of worried about that brittle looking bundle of wood boards we're supposed get on. In my eyes it's more of a floating hazard than a boat! What'll happen if it breaks in the middle of the sea?"

"We'll just swim the rest of the way." He said with a shrug of indifference that got her in utter dismay.

"We'll _swim_!?" She repeated through gritted teeth. "Maybe Aela and I, but you and Farkas are more likely to _drown_ with those heavy armors!" The girl exclaimed, not reassured at all about this whole plan.

"Are you suggesting we take off our armors just for, what? less than 10 minutes of a ride? What if we get attacked while we don't have them!" To that she crossed her arms with a scowl that rivaled the one on his forehead.

"I think you're both skilled enough to avoid being deadly wounded if such event came to happen. Besides, do you really think your shield-sisters would allow enemies to get near the two of you in a situation like that!" She said, pointing at Aela and herself. "On the other hand we wouldn't be able to help as much if your _heavy_ armors were to weight you down in the _freaking sea_!" She finished, glaring at him with her fists on her hips. The girl would not back down until he agreed to take off his gears before getting in the cursed boat. She just couldn't bear the thought of him sinking in these black waters, to the point of forgetting her own fear of actually falling in that same water.

"She's got a point." Aela intervened, looking at them from beside the boat as she and Farkas had already reached it. "I'm sure the boat is more sturdy than what Evelianna assumes, but it would still be wiser to take off your chest armors at the very least before we go to the island." The man looked at all of them, ending with his brother who just shrugged, surely to indicate he didn't mind either way. After a moment Vilkas just sighed in defeat before turning to Evy again and meeting her eyes.

"It'll be a pain in the ass to take off and put back, but if it'll make you feel better then fine, we'll take the chest piece off." Well, it was better than nothing she guessed. And the way he had said it... It was a bit frustrating that he only accepted to do it because it would make _her_ feel better. Meaning this stubborn mule wouldn't have done so if she hadn't been there! What about his own safety!? But nevertheless, as frustrating as it was, it also unexpectedly gave her fluttering butterflies in the stomach thinking he, the stubborn mule, was agreeing to do something he referred to as a pain in the ass. For her. Just so she would feel better. This gave her a warm tingling feeling all over that made her want to smile just as warmly to the man... What the hell was that!? She was supposed to see him as an idiotic reckless fool to agree for the wrong reason! Not find him sweet for thinking about her!

"Good..." Was all she found to say in the end and she turned toward the boat... that was still a few iced covered meters away from them. Right. The ice. Gods she hated this region.

...

They did it! Vilkas had warned her the road wouldn't be a walk in the park, that the ghost of the Companions resting in this place would test her, and that they sure did. But with Farkas and Aela, and later on just Aela, they had won against all hardships thrown at them until finally they had reached the burial chamber and Kodlak's ghost. It was quite a surprise but then again, they did fight other Companions on the way.

"Kodlak! You're here!" She couldn't help but gasp, just like her friend as they ran to their Harbinger. Seeing him there was strange, and painful... but it also somewhat soothed a little of her grief. Maybe because she had been offered the chance to see him one last time.

"Of course. My fellow Harbingers and I have been warming ourselves here. Trying to evade Hircine." He answered, smiling to them like he used to.

"Your fellow Harbingers?" Aela asked with a slight frown. "But there's no one else here..."

"That is because your hearts only know of me. But we are all here. All the past Harbingers. Those in Sovngarde, those, like myself, trapped in Hircine's realm... I see them all and they all see you." He explained, letting his gaze wander around the chamber, as if looking at things, at people, they could not see. His eyes returned to them, to her, and his eyebrows lifted. "I see dark clouds in the depth of your eyes child, more than in those of your shield-sister."

"I..." The knot in her throat made it hard to speak what had weight on her conscience. "I just... I just feel like I have let you down... After all we had discussed together, after I had said I would learn from my past mistakes... I still followed Vilkas when he told me we were to avenge your death. I knew his judgement was blinded by his grief, I knew slaughter wasn't what you wished, but I still followed and helped him and..."

"Now now child, you should not beat yourself down like that. I also told you we are all human beings who can make mistakes and who's emotions can easily obscure our judgement. The first time, you weren't as affected as Aela, but the second time, your own grief pushed you forward and made you forget. It is human nature. True, this vengeance wasn't going to bring me back, but neither will your guilt."

"I am so sorry..." She could only reply in a whisper, fighting back her tears.

"Do not be. I have no resentment towards you. Forgive yourself, do not chain yourself with past mistakes for you will never be able to walk forward. You have done more than you think for the Companions and I will be forever grateful to you. Even if I cannot reach Sovngarde, I am still comforted in the thought I leave the Companions in good hands." His words gave her solace as her guilt was releasing it's clutch on her. But this brought her back to the real reason they were here.

"Vilkas said we could still cure you from the curse, from Hircine's realm." She told him, her voice clearer, stronger.

"Did he now? I can only hope. You still have the witches' head?" She nodded and held up the stinking sack. "Excellent. Throw one of them into the fire. This should release their magic. For me at least..."

She did as he told her and the flames rose higher. By the time they return to their normal size, a red ghostly shape of a rabid wolf had appeared and the women drew their weapons out to take down the already attacking beast. It was one fierce battle, the wolf being stronger than any wolf they had ever fought, but they managed to kill it. And without sustaining any life threatening wounds at that! Just small injuries that would quickly heal. But Gods was she feeling the exhaustion begin to slowly creep up on her... And there was no more stamina potion. Great. At least her beast blood helped her regenerate faster so she could stay focused on her last moments with Kodlak.

"And so slain the beast inside of me. I thank you for this gift. The other Harbingers remain trapped by Hircine, though. Perhaps from Sovngarde, the heroes of old can join me in their rescue. The Harrowing of the Hunting Grounds. It would be a battle of such triumph." His gaze met Evelianna's as he continued speaking to her in particular. "And perhaps some day, you'll join us in that battle... Since the day you came to us, you have brought honor to the name of the Companions. And this time again. We won't soon forget it and will await with pride the day you come take your rightful place by our sides. But for today, return to Jorrvaskr. Triumph in your victory. And lead the Companions to further glory as their new Harbinger." Evelianna's eyes widened when he named her the new Harbinger and she stepped towards him as he was disappearing.

"Wait Kodlak! I can't-" She tried to protest, to make him change his mind but he had already vanished before she could even begin her first argument.

"Did he say you were to be the next Harbinger?" Came Aela's voice behind her. Crap. Why did he have to talk about that? She still didn't think to have what it takes for this position. She had hoped they would not hear of this as she doubted they would have the same point of view as Kodlak and this would just make everything difficult. Feeling a bit nervous, she turned to look at the Huntress who's expression was unreadable. Opening her mouth, she didn't quite know what to say or how to say it, but Aela beat her to it with unexpected words. "I must say he made quite a good choice!" She finally said, a smile stretching on her lips. But the girl just stared at her.

"What?" She almost felt dumbfound. How could she think it was a good choice!? Didn't she feel the least bit annoyed that the youngest member, with the least experience even in life in general, got to become the Harbinger? ... Then again, if even Aela believed she was fit to have that title, maybe, just maybe, she was more worthy than she thought to have it...

"Well, what better choice is there than to have the Dragonborn as our Harbinger! Just think about..." Aela went on but Evelianna wasn't listening anymore.

So... it wasn't that she saw her as worthy of the title, it was because it would be useful to have the Dragonborn as the Harbinger. Aela would have punched her it would have been the same. Really, was that all she was for her friend? _"You may not have noticed, but she is quite skilled at manipulating people."_ Vilkas had said to her when he was trying to convince her she was not to blame herself for Kodlak's death. He had told her how the Huntress had most likely manipulated her, not only to do her bidding, but also to prevent her from talking about their plans. In other words, from the beginning, it was most likely that woman had not seen her as a friend, but as a tool. Little by little, events after events, the mist she hadn't realized to have in a part of her mind began to clear. It wasn't like the clouds of grief or anger that had obscured her mind in the past. Nor was it like the fog that overtook her reason whenever Vilkas kissed her. No. It was a blurring mist that had prevented her from seeing the whole picture, from looking clearly at the course of events regarding Aela. Why didn't she realize the woman hadn't given the least bit of interest into being her 'friend' until it was proven that she was the Dragonborn? Why didn't she notice that the more she stayed with her, the more bad feelings had sprout in her, which she had suppressed because her 'friend' made her feel she was just overthinking things. Anger was beginning to rise inside her as she finally uncovered reasons behind actions that had been made, words that had been said, which had nothing to do with concern for her or her opinions.

"What's wrong? You don't seem happy about the news..." She heard Aela say and she shot her a glare, her hand clenching her weapon. This only made her frown, but there was no worry, no nervousness either coming from her. Just plain incomprehension that only fueled her anger.

"And how can someone be happy knowing they got such a title solely because of their name?" And she actually had the nerves to appear surprised.

"What are you talking about? You know it's not just about that!"

"Oh really... So you think I have what it takes to be Harbinger then." She said, her voice slightly laced with disdain while arching an eyebrow, holding back her growing anger with great effort. But just like her anger, the snarls and growls from her wolf were increasing, becoming louder and louder in her mind. This wolf that was born because the Huntress had told her it would make her strong and help her win against her fears and nightmares... It didn't help. Vilkas did. And it had no relation with the beast blood. Thinking back, Aela had only told her about the good side of the beast blood. there was no mention of what would happen on the first night, nothing about being cursed to Hircine's realm and nothing about the risks of loosing her mind to the wolf's way. More than offering her a solution, it was as if she had been selling her the beast blood, without telling her the price to pay for it. In fact, it felt more like she had wanted her to take it for other motivation than helping a friend get better... Didn't Vilkas say Aela had already talked about making her one of them, even before she had offered it to Evy? That for him Aela and Skjor had used her circumstances as the opportunity to make her take the beast blood without second thoughts? Gods she felt so tired of this whole thing. She was giving her this one last chance to explain herself and when that was done, she was getting rid of her curse, no matter the outcome of their discussion.

"Of course there's still things you need to learn but-" Wrong answer. "What are you doing?" Having heard enough with just the first few words, Evelianna had decided not to wait in the end and had gone to the sack of heads to take out one of them. She didn't care anymore. She just wanted to be done with the beast blood and leave.

"I'm freeing myself." She simply said, throwing the head in the fire before the Huntress could protest.

A sudden pain shot through her entire body, as if something was tearing itself from her body. She gritted her teeth and swallowed back the scream that was coming up her throat, still managing to ready her sword and shield for the incoming battle. Then a red silhouette formed in front of her eyes, taking the shape of a massive wolf that snarled at her. The pain had just begun to subside when the wolf launched itself at her with a roar. She quickly stepped on the side and slashed the beast with her sword before it turned toward her with blazing rage. Just as it was about to lash out again, an arrow hit the wolf in the ribs, making him growl in pain and anger. Evy shot a quick glance to where the arrow had come from to see Aela readying her bow again. It surprised her a bit but she didn't have time to dwell on the matter as the wolf was jumping onto her again. And this time it succeeded in throwing her to the ground. The impact made her lose hold of her weapon and shield, which flew out of her reach and rendered her momentarily defenseless against the beast on top of her, it's claws digging through the leather of her armor and into her flesh. Not thinking twice she chose the only option she thought of at this very moment.

"FUS RO DAH!"

The shout came out of her, as always like a rush of invisible force cursing up through her body and following her powerful voice out. But this time it had no effect at all! It was like the wolf had simply received the faintest of breeze, which did nothing to stop it or even slow it down while it's fangs were coming down to bite her head off. Pain shot through her forearm as she had reflexively rose her arms to protect herself. Then the beast let go, it's head snapping back up with a sudden roar of pain. Not wasting time, riding on sheer instinct, Evy's hand went to her waist and unsheathed a dagger, stabbing the beast the moment the blade was free. There was a second of stillness and the woman pulled the dagger out to hit the wolf again but before she did, it's body faded like red smoke blown by unknown wind.

Evelianna lowered her arms, but made no attempt to stand up, or even sit, instead staying laying on the ground while she calmed her panting breath. Even if her body was soar all over and hurting like hell due to her injuries, she felt so... relieved. As if she had carried a constant dulling headache for the past few months and had gotten rid of it at long last! There was no more nerve-wrecking, overflowing sensations. No more alert state for potential prey... She. was. free.

"...Evelianna?" The hesitant but nearing voice of Aela made her open her eyes and she looked at the hazy shape of the Huntress walking toward her. Gods no. She didn't want to talk right now... or listen... or even think for that matter. All she wanted was to stay in that lightheadedness that was overtaking her mind and make feel like she was floating... She'd deal with worries and problems later, right now she was just so tired... Her vision was becoming more and more unfocused and darkening and she couldn't understand what Aela was telling her in such a worried tone, even though it seemed to be a _loud_ worried tone. Something like 'stay with me'? Whatever. She didn't want to listen to her anyway. Fortunately, her voice was becoming more distant, finally letting her in peace... Nonetheless it was a bit strange. She could still see her almost screaming at her, though she was more of a blurry, moving shadow now. Anyhow, Evelianna could tell she wasn't as distant as her voice made it seem. Why? What...? But before she could realize what was happening she had already fallen unconscious in the puddle her blood was becoming.

***Vilkas***

This was a nightmare! How could things have become so... so... He didn't even find the words to describe it! Returning to pacing back and forth, the unwanted memories of what had happened came to his mind again. The secret doors opening on each sides of the room where he was waiting with his brother, Aela coming through one with a bloody Evelianna... His own blood had run cold upon seeing her, as white as a sheet and as unresponding as the dead. And by the look of things, she would have been so before they could have reached a healer if not for the healing potion Aela had given her. He had carried her all the way to the inn, letting Aela and Farkas deal with the potential attacks. By chance they had already dealt with most of the dangers previously when they had gone to the tomb so there wasn't much problems... Apart from the fact that she still looked as lifeless as when they had left the island! Dammit why didn't the healing potion made it look like it actually healed her!? The bleeding had stopped by the time he had burst into the inn asking for the healer. He knew there was a mage living there and if he cared the slightest for his own life, he'd better make sure she stayed alive! So now, all Vilkas could do was wait for the mage to finish healing her.

"Could you leave? You're disturbing my concentration." Nelecar grunted, glancing at him over his shoulder as he was still pacing around.

"I'm staying." He snarled menacingly. There was no way he was leaving this room until she had opened her eyes.

"Then stop moving around like a mad man. I can't focus properly with you stomping back and forth!" Vilkas glared at him but still stopped.

"Why is it taking so freaking long? Aren't her wounds healed yet!?" The fact that it had only been a few minutes since the man had entered the room didn't matter at all to him.

"She didn't sustain mere scratches and not just a few of them. It takes time. It would be faster if you'd just shut up and let me concentrate."

Vilkas growled, but did as he was told, going to lean his back against a wall, arms crossed and eyes still fixed on what he could see of the young woman. This was a torture... If only he had put his shame aside and gone with them instead of waiting in the first chamber! Maybe she wouldn't have ended up in such a state. Dammit! He should have been with her! He got pulled out of his thoughts when the mage stood up and he stepped away from the wall.

"You done?" He asked, going beside the bed to look at Evelianna... "Why isn't she awake?" He glared at the man who was supposed to heal her.

"Her wounds are healed and her life's not in danger anymore. But she's still weak. Now all she needs to get better is to sleep. Which she's already doing so there's nothing more I can do for your lover."

"My...!" He could only choke on the word. "She's not my lover!" Thank goodness he wasn't one to blush because he might have ended up as red as a tomato.

"Really now? You'd have me fooled..." The mage almost sneered and Vilkas had the sudden urge to punch the man in his irritating face... But he had saved Evelianna so he refrained from following his impulse. Though he couldn't promise to keep it that way if the stupid mage said any more. He might not have been so stupid in the end since he didn't add anything that may have threatened the number of teeth he possessed. He just left the room, closing the door behind him and Vilkas let himself fall into the chair by the bed with a heavy sigh. His elbows resting on his knees, he racked his hair with both hands and sighed again, trying to release some of the tension that had gotten a tight hold over every fibers of his body. The fact that Nelecar said she was out of danger was helping, but he knew the anxiousness would only disappear when he'd see her awake... and preferably smiling. Oh how he missed her smile right now... Unfortunately, waiting patiently for things to happen wasn't one of his strong point. Ok, he was better than his brother, but he remained a man of action nonetheless. So not being able to do anything to help her get better was just making him restless... and tensed... and... Gods he just felt so helpless!

"Please get well soon before I go completely insane..." He growled in a low voice, rubbing his face with both hands.

An eternity passed before his brother came to make him leave the room to at least eat something and get a change of air, maybe sleep a bit too. It appeared the eternity he had felt had only been a few hours in reality. At first he refused. He didn't want to leave her side. But Farkas insisted and managed to convince him, he had no idea how, to do as suggested. Well it was true that doing something might make the time go faster... and he was hungry... though he could have eaten in the room... But he couldn't discuss with his brother in there without fearing to wake her up. And he did have things to discuss with him, answers he wanted to get. First of all being where the heck was Aela!

"She left once she heard Evelianna was ok. Said she needed to be alone, think about things or something like that." Farkas replied and he frowned.

"What? She left just like that? In the middle of the night!"

"Yeah. She looked preoccupied even after the mage told us everything would be fine. But it's Aela, it's not like it's the first time she's gone away on her own. She's always been the lone wolf type."

"Maybe but to not even wait for Evelianna to wake up and just go off... Did she at least tell you what happened down there?"

"Not in full detail, but..." He repeated what the Huntress had told him of the events from when he had left them until she had managed to reach back the first chamber.

"She saw that she wasn't getting up so she went to her and that's when she saw how badly wounded she was. She was still conscious but she wasn't responding and by the time Aela found the healing potion, she had already passed out. She forced her to drink the potion as much as she could but you know how hard it is when the person is unconscious... When she didn't have anymore potion she decided to carry her the rest of the way. Luckily there was a secret passage she could use as a short cut. You know the rest... Why are you still frowning? She's not in danger anymore, you should be relieved, not scolding!"

"I know. It's just this story... Did she tell you anything more about what Kodlak said?" Like naming Evelianna as the new Harbinger... Or how she was not to blame... Anything! The girl could have used this opportunity to talk about what had happened, to apologize... Even if she had no reason to do so in reality, Vilkas knew she still had remorse, which should have made her try to apologize... In any case, too few words had been spoken in his opinion...

"She stayed vague on what was said, by everyone." He shrugged "Not like someone can recite word for word everything that's been said with accuracy... Why?"

"I'm not sure... It's just that some things doesn't add up. Just the breaking of her curse for example. I understand Aela is against the cure and it's obvious she was going to try talking her out of it, but for Evelianna to just go to the sack, take a head and only say she's going to free herself before throwing the head in the fire, without even letting Aela the time to ready herself for battle... All that happening just after Kodlak's ghost went to Sovengarde? I just can't believe they didn't even speak about Kodlak. Besides, the pup may be a damn magnet for unexpected problems, but putting a shield-sibling in possible danger so carelessly? No. She would never do that without something urging her on. Something happened that either hasted her to action or made her mad enough to be impulsive."

"I did feel like there was blanks in her story, but at the time we had no informations on her state, so I'd put her possible omissions on the fear she had, just like me, of loosing a friend." Perhaps, but Aela having left, they wouldn't know what exactly happened until the girl woke up. "What do you think happened?"

"I have a few ideas, but I have no certainty... At the very least I would be surprised Kodlak didn't say anything about the next Harbinger, since she was there and there was a witness to hear him name her as his successor... His wisdom didn't disappear at his death. He must have known this was the best opportunity he would have to make sure his decision was known. So maybe, that's the part Aela omited." This surprised Farkas to the point he let out a quite loud 'What!?', eyes wide and jaw dropping low. Vilkas quickly hushed him with a scowl. If he spoke any louder he would wake the pup and she needed rest!

"What are you talking about?" His twin urged again, thankfully in a more quiet voice.

"Kodlak wanted Evelianna to be the next Harbinger." He stated.

"Really? Wow! That's some unexpected news! But when I think about it, it's true she would make a good Harbinger." Farkas said with a big grin.

"I think so too. Anyway. I'm going back to the room... You should go get some rest." He suggested while getting up.

"What about you? Do you intend to stay awake all night by her bedside, even though she might only wake up tomorrow?" His twin then smirked "Or perhaps you were thinking of sleeping with her?" This made him frown.

"Where did that come from!? If I'm too tired I'll go in _our_ room and use my sleeping roll of course!" It didn't weaken his brother's smirk and Vilkas just grunted, deciding to ignore him and just go back to Evelianna's rented bedroom.

When he stepped inside, his gaze fell on an empty bed. His mind went instantly on alert but movement in the corner of his eyes made him turn hastily to see the woman standing a few feet away, her back turned to him and searching through her things that had been put in that corner. Relief washed over him, but not for long as he realized she wasn't searching through her gears, she was putting them back on, even the damaged parts.

"What are you doing?" He asked her cautiously, closing the door behind him. She didn't even turn to look at him, but he could still feel something was wrong, terribly wrong.

"I'm leaving." She replied flatly, without any trace of emotion in her voice.

"What? Now? It's the middle of the night and you haven't fully recovered yet! You need to rest." Still, she continued to slip her armor back on. What was going on? What was she thinking? She had almost died dammit!

"No. I'm leaving." There was something in her voice, in the way she said those words... It made him think she wasn't just talking about the inn... Oh no. She was _not_ leaving him, leaving them. He would not let her. Oh heck no.

"Why?" He should receive an award of some sort later on for being able to stay so freaking calm even though the trashing of his wolf inside him was worsening just as quickly as his tension was rising. She stayed silent and he didn't know if it was because she debated on talking about the real subject directly or carrying on using veiled words. He decided for her. "Why do you want to leave the Companions?" This time she stopped and turned a deep scowl toward him over her shoulder.

"Of all Companions you should know the best why I'm leaving." With that she returned to preparing herself.

"No. I don't understand what could possibly motivate you to leave your friends... your family." He said while taking a step forward. He really didn't understand. Of course he knew it had something to do with the Harbinger matter, but just because she didn't want to take the position didn't mean she had to leave!

"Friends don't use the other for their own selfish interests." There was bitterness in her hardened voice and she turned with her pack, walking past him to get to the door. Oh no she would not.

"Wait!" He said as he grabbed her arm, pulling to make her step back and look at him. "What is that supposed to mean!?"

"Precisely what I said. Now let me go!" She jerked her arm out of his grip and tried to go around him but he grabbed her again, more forcefully this time.

"No. I won't let you leave this room until you explain to me why you want to leave us. Why now this instant? Why the sudden rush? You look as if you want to run away and disappear in the night!" She looked at him with daggers in her eyes.

"And why would I stay huh? So you can sweet talk me into accepting the title of Harbinger!? A title everyone know I don't deserve? It's not even been a year since I've joined the Companions! How the heck can I be the most suited leader!? Oh that's right! I'm the blasted _Dragonborn_! _Of course_ then! After all this would look so good for the Companions to have the damn Dragonborn as their Harbinger! In the end you and your brother only want to use me just like Aela! Well guess what! I'M NO ONE'S TOOL!" She yelled at him, trying to free her arm. He didn't let go, on the contrary he grabbed her shoulders with both hands.

"Where the hell did that come from!? When did I say I wanted you to be the Harbinger for such a stupid reason!"

"Stop trying to act like you don't. I heard you two just now! Saying how 'unexpected' the news were, but how I would 'make a good Harbinger'! Well at least it wasn't like Aela and her 'What better choice than the Dragonborn to be the Harbinger', I'll give you that! But do you have any idea how it feels to know people want you to receive a title not because of your worth, but because they want to use your name? People you thought were your friends!? And after that you think I'd actually _stay_!?" She spat back and managed to free herself of his hands, pushing him away and quickly going to the door. But she could only open it so far as an inch before he pushed it shut, or more like slammed it shut.

"You're wrong! Just because Aela said something stupid and utterly selfish doesn't mean we share the same mindset!" He snapped at her. Grabbing her shoulder again, he forced her to turn around so their eyes could meet. He couldn't contain his anger anymore, nor his desperation for her to understand, to see it was not as she thought. "I do think you'd be a great advisor but I don't give a damn if you end up with the title or not!" That wasn't the best way to say it and he realized that as she struggled again to free herself from him. She even began hitting his chest, vainly since it was on his armor.

"Then why do you try to stop me if you don't give a damn huh!?" She bit back angrily. He could feel she had enough, that she didn't want to hear anything anymore, but he just couldn't let her go.

"I don't give a damn about the title but I give a damn about you! As long as you stay I couldn't care less what you decide to do with the Harbinger title or any title for that matter!"

"Why! Why do you want me to stay so much!? Why do you-"

"Because I love you dammit!" He finally snapped and silence followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And BAM! "The brain you are trying reach cannot function at the moment, please try again later." XD At least this time he couldn't have been more clear on his feelings! But oh how I can't help but picture Farkas and the rest of the inn on the other side of the door hearing Vilkas yell "Because I love you dammit!" ... awkward silence... and Farkas saying something like "Well that wasn't the most romantic way to say it..." lol! Aaaaah I'm just so thrilled to have finally come to this point of the story! Next up is Evy's answer and eventually some sweet smut (They're both way too craving to hold back anymore). Rougher sex will come, but probably not in the next chapter since she hasn't fully recovered yet and... you know... it'll be her first time since the 'incident' in the forest so there's no way he'll go rough this night around... And right now I can't wait anymore to write the next chapter so off I go! Hope you liked this chap ^^


	15. To trust again

***Evelianna***

"Because I love you dammit!" He snapped and she paused. Even the vortex of blazing anger that had been consuming her, choking her, now felt like it had frozen around her. For a moment her mind was completely void of thoughts or emotions, as if everything had come to a standstill, inside her and around them. As her brain slowly began working again she blinked. Did she really hear him right?

"Wh... What?" She saw the hardened lines of his face soften ever so slightly as he sighed before trapping her gaze in his ice blue one.

"I said. Because I love you." He repeated in a calmer voice, almost a sigh. So she had heard him right... She blinked again.

"You..."

"Yes." Silence fell again between them as she tried to wrap her mind around this new information. And then...

"...Where the hell does _that_ come from!?" She finally burst, the standstill ending as the vortex of emotion slowly began to move again, trying to engulf her once more. It just seemed so out of the blue! And in her current emotional state, her mind just went into total denial, pushing back everything, as if to protect herself. After all, the wound of betrayal was still too fresh for her to accept anything that easily at the moment. If she had been her usual self, she would have recalled those times she did suspect maybe, just maybe, there could be something going on between them. But right now she wasn't her usual self. Her new distrust had locked away these memories hinting at the possibility that he was telling the truth. "Do you really expect me to believe that all of a sudden you-"

"It's not!" He snapped with furrowed eyebrows, confusing her more. It's not what? But he was already answering that question before she could voice it. "How can you think this is sudden!?"

"How can I not! Sure, you don't hate me like you did at first and we can have conversations without ending up in a glaring contest every time, but _love_? Oh please! There hasn't been a month where you haven't called me fool, reckless or stupid at least once. Not to mention the number of times you used my name instead of whelp or pup can be counted on two hands, we always end up picking a fight with each other and it took an eternity just to hear you admit you approved of my skills! Of course the past few days have made me think you might appreciate my company, at best you're beginning to see me as a potential friend, but-"

"I 'appreciate your company'!? A 'potential friend at best'!?" He roared in outrage. "Gods how can someone usually so quick-witted be so damn thick!" He added while he shook her by the shoulders in frustration. "Do you do it on purpose or are you just blind!? I gave you clues dammit! How could you not even _suspect_ it!"

" _Clues_!?" It was her turn to repeat his words, though a dumbfounded tone was mixing with the anger.

"Yes _clues_!"

"When?" She scoffed in disbelief, almost disdainfully, daring him to give at least one time he would have given her these supposed clues of his.

"Every time I told you I cared about you!" He exclaimed, letting go off her as he threw his arms in the air in an exasperated gesture. "Do you really think I'd care that much for someone I simply 'appreciate the company'?" He let out a mocking snarl at that. "I'm not as kindhearted as you. I wouldn't give a damn about someone I 'appreciate', even if it's her first transformation and she finds herself alone when she turns back to her human form. But for you? For you I didn't even think twice about transforming even though I had tried my best to shackle down my wolf for the past few years. I didn't even hesitate. As long as I had the slightest chance of finding you so you wouldn't wake up alone, naked and unprotected in the middle of nowhere, I didn't care about using my beast blood. And before you spur more nonsense about being a 'potential friend', if you were merely a friend I wouldn't get lost staring at you so much, nor would I get worried sick every time you're late coming back from a mission!" She opened her mouth to say something but, seeing that, he snapped at her again. "Don't you dare say something like it's because I don't acknowledge your strength! I think I've made myself clear about that more than enough already! Besides, you win every sparing with Ria, Njada and can even kick Athis' ass a lot more than he'd ever dare to admit. Hell you even won against Farkas a few times! If I don't worry about them, why the heck would I worry about your ability to hold your own in a mission!?" She glared at him, irritation flaring up inside at his words. Hadn't she said herself that he had approved of her skills just moments ago!? Rah this man just made her so mad!

"Do you think I'm stupid!? I was going to say that it was no proof of love! But do you even realize how contradicting your words were just now!? You say I'm the only one you get worried sick about when it comes to missions, but then say you're _not_ worried because I'm stronger than most! Which one am I supposed to believe!?" She burst out and he growled, loosing his temper even more if that was possible.

"Both!" He barked back, throwing his arms up again. "I'm not worried about your skills in battle, but I _am_ worried whenever I think about how many bad surprises you always end up stumbling upon!" The man had begun to walk back and forth in the small room as he explained his previous statement. Though, when he carried on, it looked more like ranting and pent up frustrations finally getting out than actual explanations... "When it's not bandits, it's dragons and whatnot! And when it's not instant threats to your life, it's someone coming up to you seeking your help because, as you said it so well, you're the blasted Dragonborn! And everyone seems to think you're the bloody solution to every damn problems in the world without ever considering your well being!" He stopped, turning to point an accusing finger at her. "Even you! You always turn a blind eye on your tiredness and even your injuries sometimes. As if your body wasn't sore, wounded or exhausted enough as it was! But someone needs you to do something for them and it can _never wait_ can it!? Why of course then!" He threw his arms in the air yet again, in frustration more than exasperation this time, and turned away to pace again, carrying on. "Who _cares_ if you're in _no state_ to help them! Well _**I** care_!" He finished, stopping in front of her with a glare. "So, damn right I worry about you!" This last affirmation had been said in a low voice, almost a growl, but the aggressiveness in it was just as present as when he was yelling.

To say she was stunned was an understatement, to the point of driving her speechless. There was just too much surprise upon his outburst to muster any thoughts to bite back... or to utter any words whatsoever for that matter. Nonetheless his words did remind her of his concern back at the underforge, when he had asked her if she was alright... Little by little, one flash of memories after the other, she began to recall moments shared with him. Those times when he did say he cared about her, when he had come to her help despite the fact that they hadn't been in the best of terms most of those times, when he had kept her in his arms so she would feel safe even in her sleep, without ever asking anything in return... Even if it must have been torture for him to do so, knowing how the mere presence of each other affected the other's wolf... But he never made any comment about it or asked any compensation. Sure, friendship could somewhat explain it, but then there was also all those times they had kissed and forgotten everything but the other... And that time he had warmed her freezing body had just been so... sweet. So right. And she found herself begin to hope that this was real, this love he claimed to have for her, that he was telling the truth. But there was still this nagging feeling in her heart, this tiny voice in her mind telling her this might all be a pretty story to fool her into staying, into believing him so he could use her too... " _But this is Vilkas for crying out loud! There's no way he would ever do that!_ " She thought. Still, part of her just couldn't let go of this insecurity.

"Tell me what is bothering you." His whisper brought her out of her inner battle and she lifted her head, she hadn't even noticed lowering, to look at him. Surprisingly there seemed to be no more trace of anger in his demeanor.

"I... " She began but stopped, pressing her lips together as she searched for a way to say it. The fact that he was calm helped and she was thankful he was giving her time to think without urging her for an answer. "I'm sorry, I really wish to believe you, with all my heart" She clenched her teeth, almost angry at her own self. "But in the back of my head, there's this annoying voice that keeps telling me 'Why would he love me, a woman he says so often she irritates him the most easily? How do I know it has nothing to do with me being the dragonborn?'... It's just that after..." Her voice got strangled in her throat and she averted her eyes. There was a growing knot there choking her, born from the pain she felt thinking back at why she was unable to accept his feelings yet, to trust him again like she did just yesterday. One sentence. It had taken one little sentence, from one person, to blow to pieces the trust Evelianna held for those she considered her family. She hated it, but even though she wished so much to be able to keep that trust toward the others, that damn voice kept telling her 'what if it's just another big lie'.

"I understand." His calm voice brought her attention back to him. "Aela was a trusted friend, yet she used that trust for her own selfish means. They say trust is hard to gain and easy to lose. But to trust again after a betrayal is even harder, so I understand." How did he do it? How could he understand so easily, know so easily, what was going on in her head, in her heart? Ria was around her a lot more than him and she could hardly follow Evy half the time. And him? It was almost as if he could read her like an opened book! "As for your questions... First of all, you still are the most irritating woman I've ever met." That was not expected. At all. Even more since he said it so matter-of-factly.

"Wha-" He cut her off again with a hardening gaze and his voice showing a bit more irritation to match his new flow of ranting.

"You're stubborn as a mule, you don't get intimidated by people twice your size, you always find ways to talk back, have too much pride and you recklessly give your help whenever you see fit, which is nearly all the time." Why that jerk! After that he claims to love her!? How was _that_ supposed to convince her! Did he even realize he had gone from warming her heart to being an ass again? But then his glaring eyes seemed to softened, just like his voice, even if it still had this undertone of exasperation. "In other words you're strong-willed, brave, quick-witted, confident in your abilities, kindhearted... And since the first time I looked at you I knew you were going to be trouble..." He sighed at that, shaking his head lightly. The intensity she saw in his gaze when he looked back at her made her heart skip a beat. "And as I thought you turned my life upside down. You drive me crazy, but Divines know I love you..."

"How can you love someone who drives you crazy?" Although she was supposed to have a blaming, disbelieving tone, she had trouble finding the will to bite back or even be sarcastic anymore, so her reply came out much more calmly and softly than how she would usually talk back to him. "In any case I'd say you're the one who always end up driving _me_ crazy" Well, she may not have had much will to talk back until the slight smirk that stretched the corner of his mouth made a small spark in the cooling embers of her defensive attitude. But it wasn't his usual mocking smile. No, it was almost like a gentle one and she didn't quite know how to react to it. When he spoke again, his voice was low and warm and ooooh gods how it made her melt.

"Oh no lass, that's only frustration I make you feel. You, on the other hand..." The look he gave her made her feel like a prey all of a sudden. "You drive me crazy with irritation when you're around..." He stated, stepping forward. "With lust when you're too close..." His eyes had turned more silverish as he kept getting closer and she unconsciously took a step back. "And with worry when you're not there..." She couldn't go far as her back met the door just behind her and he stopped too. Now at arms length, his hand reached up for her cheek with careful movement, letting her plenty of time to move away. She didn't. His fingers brushed her skin at first, as if tentatively, and then stroked the side of her face. This gentle gesture sent tingles through her entire body and she found herself closing her eyes and leaning into his touch. "So I'd say you drive me crazy _because_ I love you." He added in a soft voice. "And about your other worry, and hopefully your last..." She opened her eyes, blinking in confusion and it took her a second to remember the 'question' she had asked. "That time we slept together." That, she remembered quite well. "It was before it was proven or even known that you were the dragonborn." Right, the dragonborn matter... Though she was still confused about his answer even after recalling what the question was.

"But love is not needed to have sex..." This weak argument didn't phase him the least bit. More like the opposite as she could feel the ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips again.

"It isn't. But I didn't just have sex with you that night. I also marked you." His voice had lowered again while he slowly came closer to her, making her try vainly to step back again, still just as confused. Mark? How was that a proof? "Remember what I told you about our wolves and marking?" He stopped and she looked up to him since he was so close their body brushed each other. Oh gods, even without the beast blood it was still hard to concentrate when he was this close! And his tone that seemed to become huskier by the second...

"I..." She wasn't even able to come up with a real sentence, how could she ever recall anything at the moment!? He must have known because that ghost of a smirk he had turned into a real, full-on, one. Oh how he was just enjoying this right now!

"I once told you how worked a wolf's primal instinct. That when it's angry, it lashes out." He placed his hands against the door on each side of her head. "That when it wants something, it gets it." He leaned in, their bodies now touching more than brushing as his mouth came closer... "And that when it finds it's mate, it marks it as his." He whispered in her ear and shivers ran down her spine while her body was heating up. Even if her mind was fogging rapidly, she could still register what he said, the meaning of those words she hadn't given too much attention at the time and that she was now understanding. She still remembered how her wolf wanted to mark him, to make him hers... Like he had once done, on a slightly drunken night, way before it was known that she was the Dragonborn. Her last defenses shattered and she found herself kissing him, her arms circling his shoulders, before she even realized she had moved while his own went around her waist. It felt as if they hadn't kissed in forever and at the same time like it was their first kiss. There was prudence in that kiss, but they could feel each other's need. There was tenderness with shackled passion underneath, hope with desperation to keep the other close, to not let go. But most of all, there was love. She could feel it in every movement, every tightening of his arms around her, every caresses of his lips against hers. When they came out for air, he didn't let go of her, not that she would have allowed him to move away just yet anyway, and he pressed his forehead against hers. "Please, tell me you don't intend to leave anymore..." He pleaded in an almost pained whisper and she realized it really did pain him to think she might still be leaving them, leaving him, definitely... Just like she now realized how much the mere thought of parting with him forever was hurting her a thousand times more than Aela's betrayal. She tightened her arms around him, a small smile dancing on her lips.

"No... I like where I am right now." She replied softly just to be sure, since kissing him hadn't seemed to be clear enough. Well this time around it seemed enough because his lips came back on hers, with a lot more passion at that, and she kissed him back just as passionately.

Even if her wolf had disappeared, her craving hadn't. And gods did she want him! But it wasn't just lust. No. It was deeper than that. There was a need in her, one she couldn't explain other than she needed 'him', his embrace, his warmth, his presence. His arms tightened around her small form, pulling it against him as he deepened the kiss. She let him bring her body closer, but she grunted in frustration as their armors clunked on each other. She wanted to feel him and too many layers were in the way right now. It gave her a little deception when she had to break the kiss, but it was the only way she could take his armor off quickly. He must have had the same urge because his hands were just as eager to unbuckle her gears. As soon as the last piece was off, their lips met again, so did their bodies, her supple breasts pressing against his firm chest with only light linen shirts keeping them from being skin to skin. More... She wanted more. Her body remembered his, how it felt, naked against her shivering skin and it was far from satisfied with the current clothed situation. A hand slipped under his shirt to touch him directly and she felt his muscles contract under her bold fingers, making her want to go further, explore more and seek other reactions as his arms tightened again around her. It didn't take long before the kiss was interrupted again, just long enough to make their shirts disappear and his mouth returned to hers with the same hunger she had as his hands began roaming the newly exposed skin, pressing her body against the wooden door in the process. Suddenly her body stiffened as an unwanted memory came flashing in her mind. He must have felt it since the next moment she had lost the touch of his lips while he was quickly moving away from her.

"Don't." She grabbed his shoulder, trying to keep him close. Her voice was a bit breathless from all the kissing but she knew he had heard her.

"We shouldn't... I should never have-"

"Hush. What you shouldn't do is blame yourself." Since he wasn't coming back against her, she stepped forward, her arms circling his neck to prevent any retreat on his part. He just sighed, his hands going to rest on her waist gently.

"Either way we shouldn't be doing this. You nearly died just a few hours ago-"

"But I didn't. And if I thought I had enough energy to go off and travel, I'm pretty sure I have enough to make love with you." She cut him off in a matter-of-factly but slightly gruffy tone and he sighed again.

"Evy... From your reaction just now I can tell that you're not ready." She would have melted from hearing him call her Evy... If he hadn't added the rest, making her grit her teeth.

"I am ready. It's just these stupid..." She let out a helpless groan. "Why is it that I can't remember anything from my past but can't forget that cursed night?" She lifted a determined gaze to him. "I don't want those memories to win. I want you. Now. I want you to make love to me and I want you to mark me." Her last words appeared to take him aback and she pressed her body against his. "I want you to make me yours... Please..."

He didn't say a word for a moment, just looking into her unwavering eyes, searching something. He must have found it because he pressed his forehead against hers while he sighed in defeat.

"By the nine, woman... You'll really be the death of me one day." He growled before kissing her, stopping any comment from leaving her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so first... Happy new year everyone! Hope you had great holidays ^^
> 
> Second... That is just half of the chapter I had intended to write, but right now I'm kinda sick of rewriting parts and bits and whole chapter and I think you waited enough for a new chapter, so since it looked like a good place so stop, there it is! Really I think I broke my record of the number of times I rewrote a chapter... and it's just half of it! But hey! The final chapter is getting close so hoooopefullyyyy I should finish the story before next year if I keep this new updating pace up OTL Honestly, I'm sorry for taking so looong!
> 
> Again, thank you everyone for the reviews! I'm always happy to read your comebacks <3


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